“It was nice to meet you, Janie. I uh…I need to get back to work. Come on, Jimmy.”
Mase’s hand flexed around my arm. “Hang on a minute.”
I pulled away. “I need to get going.”
“Trixie—”
I spun and speed walked to the gate, loaded Jimmy into the car, then I got the hell away from there as fast as I could.
Then I pulled up a block away, shoved open the door, and threw up on the side of the road. I found a small pack of tissues in the glove compartment that Gran had put there and wiped my mouth with a shaking hand.
He never promised you anything. You only have yourself to blame. You did this to yourself.
Yes, I had. I obviously hadn’t learned my lesson from Adam and I’d fucked up again. I hadn’t been good enough for Adam, and I wasn’t for Mase either. I’d been something new and exciting, that’s all. I’d given him what his wife hadn’t, now he’d had his full and was ready to go back to her.
I’d imploded my life for a second time.
Only this time, it was so much worse.
Chapter Seventeen
Mase
“Was that her?”
I tore my gaze from the gate Trixie had rushed through, and frowned, looking back down at Janie.
“Well?”
“Do you really want the answer to that?”
Janie tilted her head to the side, her expression guarded. “She’s…young.”
“Yeah, too young for me.” What did Trixie think she just walked in on? Shit, I needed to explain. “Give me a minute.”
I didn’t wait for Janie to answer and rushed out. I rounded the house and cursed. She was already gone. Fuck. Pulling out my phone, I sent her a text.
Mase: I can explain what that was. We’ll talk later?
When I walked back in the house, Janie was watching me closely.
“Too late?”
I squeezed the back of my neck. “Yeah.”
“It’ll be fine.”
“Right.” I hoped so. I fucking hoped it’d be fine.
Janie put her hand on my arm and I made myself focus on her, she deserved that from me. I had no idea when I’d see her again. Because there was no reason to.
“You know, I never thought it’d come to this.” She shook her head, her dark hair swaying around her shoulders. “I think when I left…deep down I hoped you’d come after me, that you’d beg me to come home. That things would change…that you’d fight for me. You said I’d given up on us, but I wasn’t the only one, was I? You never fought for us either, not really.”
She was right. I drank and I cursed and I acted like the wounded party, but I didn’t do everything I could to get Janie back. I let her slip through my fingers, because deep down I think I knew we were better apart.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you. You have no idea how much,” I said, because I was. I’d hurt her and I’d failed her, repeatedly. I’d kept my feelings bottled up, feeling fucking sorry for myself, and in the end, I’d driven Janie away instead of telling her that things weren’t working between us anymore.
“I’m sorry, too,” she said, a sad smile curling her lips.
She’d come to see me in person—because once again, I’d been avoiding things when it came to her—to see if there was anything left between us. We sat down and talked, something that was long overdue, and I’d told her I’d met someone. Janie had taken it well because she didn’t love me anymore either. She admitted that maybe she’d come here because I was safe, familiar, and she was scared of going after what she wanted alone.
Then she’d told me she’d file our divorce papers as soon as she got back. We’d hugged, a goodbye hug—right when Trixie had arrived.
“Mase?”
“Yeah?”
“I know it’s none of my business, but…do you think it’s a good idea, getting involved with her? She’s just starting out and after all of…this, sorry, I just want you to be happy…”
“You don’t have to worry, I promise. And I want the same for you.”
Janie smiled. “Okay, I’ll butt out. Right, I better get going.” We hugged again and she headed for the door, then turned back. “Take care of yourself, Mase.”
“You too, Janie.”
Then she left, closing the door and that chapter of our life. Something we should have done a year ago.
I checked my phone. No reply from Trixie. I wanted to go to her, talk this out, explain what she saw, but I needed to be at the station ten minutes ago.
I checked my phone before I left, and again when I got there. Still nothing. Maybe she was with a client? Or maybe she was planning to freeze me out and never talk to me again.
My gut rolled over at the thought.
Fuck it. I hit her number. It rang twice and then went to voice mail. Her sweet, smoky voice telling me to leave a message had me gritting my teeth. I tried Rocktown Ink next, and Riff told me she wasn’t there. I didn’t know if he was telling the truth or if she’d asked him to lie.
My finger was hovering over Eves’s number when another call came through to the station. Domestic dispute. I rushed back to my car. I’d have to try Trixie again when I got back because it couldn’t wait until tomorrow.
But I didn’t get back, there was one call after another. A shoplifting incident. A drunk driver. Some dude walking down the street without pants on. My shift was hectic. By the time I got home, it was the early hours of the morning. I unlocked the front door and ran up the stairs to my room, shoving the door open.
I gripped the doorframe. The bed was empty, still in the rumpled state we’d left it in this morning after Trixie had crawled out of it.
I’d hoped that maybe I’d come home and find her here.
I shoved my fingers
