Idiot.
She didn’t want to see me right then, and I got it, but tonight was all the only reprieve she got.
I wasn’t making the same mistake again. I wasn’t going to keep my feelings to myself this time.
When I climbed in bed a little while later, I could still smell her on my sheets. Fuck, I wanted her here with me.
But I could wait until morning. I’d make her a nice breakfast, sit her down, explain what she walked in on, and tell her how I felt. If things went the way I hoped, she’d be in my bed tomorrow night. She’d be in my bed every damn night.
When morning finally rolled around, I stumbled down the stairs after a fucking terrible sleep without her, and yanked open the back door, desperate to see Trixie and expecting to see Jimmy—
I froze.
The trailer was gone.
Trixie was gone.
I strode into The Mule and made a beeline for Lila and Everly sitting at a table near the bar. Trixie still wasn’t answering my calls or texts and Cal and Dane didn’t know where she was when I went into Rocktown Ink.
Both women looked up when they saw me coming and their animated conversation stopped, their expressions instantly closing off.
They knew.
“Hey,” I said when I stopped by their table.
“Uh…hey, Mase,” Eves said, looking everywhere but directly at me.
Lila just narrowed her eyes.
“I was looking for Trixie. You know where she is?” I was trying my damned best to keep it together, when in truth, I was on the verge of losing my shit completely.
What if she’s left town? What if she’s not coming back?
My heart thumped hard in my chest.
“Why?” Lila said, not even trying to hide her feelings toward me right then. I sure as hell wasn’t her favorite person.
I planted my hands on my hips and breathed deep. “We have some things to discuss.”
“Have you called her?” Eves asked. “Texted?”
“Yeah, of course.”
Lila took a sip of her drink. “Well, I guess she’s not in the mood to talk.”
Fuck. “Can you at least tell me if she’s still in town?”
“No, we can’t,” Eves said. “Look, you’re Quinn’s brother, so we’re trying really hard to be civil, but there is no way in hell you will get to Trixie through us, so save your breath.”
Lila just turned her back on me.
“What she saw yesterday…I can explain. If you’d just tell me where she is…”
Lila turned back, a look of disgust on her face I didn’t think the sweet little librarian was capable of. “Not happening. And hey…shouldn’t you be with your wife right now?”
I froze.
“You’re still married, right?” Eves said.
Fuck.
“Don’t try to deny it. Bull told Dane.”
Riff walked in and I turned from Eves and Lila and strode toward him. I didn’t have time to explain to anyone but Trixie.
“Hey, man,” he said when I approached.
“Hey, you know where Trixie is?”
He frowned. “She’s probably at home, setting up. Everything okay…”
“What do you mean home?”
Riff gave me a weird look. “Her land. You know, where she moved yesterday? She didn’t tell you where her new place was?”
Lila was striding toward us.
“Yeah, of course. Sorry, thanks.” I rushed out and headed for my car. She’d told me all about the small piece of land she bought and the general area it was in. I’d just have to drive around until I found it.
“Mase, wait,” Lila called out behind me.
I stopped and waited, though it was fucking hard. I wanted to find Trixie right the hell now. She was hurt, she’d assumed the worst, and I needed to tell her the truth, I needed to tell her how I felt.
“Don’t go out there,” Lila said. “Just leave her be.”
“I’m not going to hurt her,” I said. “I promise.”
Lila hugged herself. “If you’re just going out there to assuage your guilt, then get in that car and go home. She doesn’t need any more of your baggage.”
A direct hit, and nothing I didn’t deserve. Trixie had gotten the brunt of it, first my anger, then I’d expected her to take the crumbs I’d offered her. Only part of me because I was too messed up to offer her more.
Bullshit, you were fucking scared.
Well, not anymore.
“I won’t hurt your friend,” I said again.
“I know Trix comes across as tough and carefree, but there is so much more to her than that,” Lila said, staring me down.
“I know.” She was the most open, sweet, brave person I’d ever met.
“She’s been through so damn much. She needs someone who’s going to give her all of them, someone who will make her happy. If you don’t think you can do that, if you still have your own crap to sort out, then leave her alone to find someone who can give her what she deserves.”
“I know losing her gran hit her hard…”
She shook her head. “Not just her gran. She’s been let down so many times in her life by people who were supposed to love her. You’re just another person in a long line of jerks to fuck her over.” She turned away and headed back to the bar, then glanced back. “And I’m going to call her and warn her you’re coming. It’s her choice whether or not she talks to you, remember that.” Then she disappeared back inside.
Lila was right. Her mother, her brother, her ex, they’d all let her down, and now I had as well. I’d hurt her. I’d messed everything up.
I climbed into my car and raced to the edge of town. It took a while before I found her trailer. Just a glimpse of it was visible from the road, and as I turned onto the winding dirt road that led to it, my heart was in my throat.
I rounded a small
