As if that weren’t enough, Alphonse was starting to lose chunks of time. Just completely gone.
She’d go to the library to study, or the dining hall to eat, and the next thing she’d know, she’d be standing in the gardens or lounging on her bed. After losing more than an entire day, Alphonse was starting to think she might be going insane.
The thought was solidified when she found herself being reprimanded by the masters. Of course, she felt shame and horror over her failure to participate in the written exams, but more so she felt… Irritation?
At her masters! For waxing on and on about the importance of her studies and the misguided attempt to rebel at this time. Truly, ire was welling up in Alphonse, a feeling so foreign and volatile it was all she could do to keep from snapping at the masters. She had to keep her hands folded tightly to the bodice of her dress in order to keep from slapping the older bald man, Master Yuan. Where were these impulses coming from? Never in her life had Alphonse struck another person!
She held back tears and promised to try harder if they would only give her another chance. The masters said they would talk it over and sent her on her way.
Alphonse hurried from their private offices and bustled down the halls, wiping the traitorous tears away hastily before her fellow students could see them. Most already thought her a pushover—
Because you are.
Alphonse stopped in the middle of the hallway, looking left… right… Who had said that? But no one was paying her any attention. No one was near enough to whisper into her ear…
But that voice.
That voice most certainly hadn’t been her own…
Had it?
Swallowing down her fear, Alphonse resumed her flight, seeking out the only source of comfort and safety she knew.
⥣ ⥣ ⥣
Etienne was crouched on the floor of his room when a timid knock sounded on his door. He had both hands deep in his trunk, pushing aside sundry belongings for the wrapped book that lay at its bottom. At the sound, he dropped his things in irritation. Didn’t anyone have anything better to do than bother him today? There was important work to be done.
He opened the door almost brusquely, but the irritation melted out of him at the sight of a crying Alphonse. Her cheeks were pink with embarrassment, eyes wide and glassy with tears, dark circles under them speaking of her exhaustion.
“M-master Yuan and M-M-Master Dega are considering h-holding me b-back a y-year!” she wailed, the tears escaping finally and dripping down her face.
He looked at her, stunned at the news that she might not continue on with him. They would still be at the same school, of course, but it had always been him and Alphonse. The only memories he had of the days before befriending her were dark ones.
After a moment, he snapped himself out of it. Staring at her certainly wouldn’t help. “Come in,” he said simply and placed a hand on her shoulder to gently lead her inside. With the door safely closed behind them, he shoved a few scrolls and clothes off a chair for her to sit in. He sat on his bed. There wasn’t all that much furniture.
“I’m so sorry, Alphonse,” he said. “Tell me everything. You said they were considering it? Maybe there’s still something we can do.”
❀
Sitting in the chair, Alphonse huddled against herself, hugging her arms about her belly as she continued to sniffle and weep. How could things get any worse!? “I— I don’t know what happened, but they were saying— I didn’t write anything down and…” She gasped, scrunching her eyes shut as if that would block out the truth of the matter. “Then I disobeyed orders to summon a stone from the gardens. I brought in a snake. I don’t know why I did that! I don’t remember how I did it. I just— It seemed… ” This was where it would sound genuinely insane. “It sounded… funny to me. To summon a snake.” It hadn’t been a poisonous one! But the master had not been pleased.
Furthermore, when he told her to send it back, she failed to do so. Whatever part of her that had known how to bring it into the exam simply refused to recall how to banish it.
Eventually, it had been worked out, but the harm had been done.
Her masters now thought she was insolent and disobedient. Traits that no one in Moxous tolerated.
“I’ve never summoned something alive!” she squeaked, eyes peeling open to look at Etienne helplessly. “Now they are saying I need more discipline. More time to learn the laws and…” she trailed off, pressing her lips together unhappily.
She had to tell him everything. If she stopped talking now, she’d not admit the full truth to Etienne.
“I’m not remembering things and… and I keep sort of— waking up places I don’t recall going and… and…” She lowered her voice despite being the only two in the room.
“There’s a voice,” Alphonse winced and tapped her forehead. Where the voice was from. “Etienne. I think I’m having a breakdown. I think I might be going insane. The pressure of Moxous is too much. I’m not strong enough.” It was a relief to say it aloud now. Even if it was terrifying.
Carefully, Alphonse gripped Etienne’s hands, her own touch shaking. He looked at their linked fingers, hesitant and pale. Her words had disturbed him, she could tell. “Alphonse,” he started gently. She knew the tone. It was one he reserved for bad news. “I don’t think you’re going insane, and I certainly don’t think Moxous is too much for you.”
He couldn’t quite meet her eyes, his gaze drifting to the single, small window that lit the room with late afternoon sunlight. She let her
