"I'm coming back," I said, stubbornly.
Slide Step didn't look convinced. "Black and a few of the others asked me if they could have you before you go."
"What does that mean?" I stared at him.
Since I wasn't coming back, they thought Slide Step wouldn't mind if they pulled a gangbang on me before I left. "I told them to go fuck themselves," he said.
"Thanks."
Slide Step seemed as incensed about the situation as I was. I realized how lucky I was to have him as my man. Red would have let them do whatever they wanted.
Slide Step not only protected me, but whatever I wanted, he got it for me. Yet the one thing I thought I had really wanted, I couldn't have.
Brett was young and handsome and, much like the varsity team-he was untouchable and out of my league. Forget it. It was never going to happen. Neither Brett nor Chet seemed open to his being with anyone else, even if it were another boy.
Since having sex was so common in there-I wanted to at least once have sex with someone I might enjoy. Not being able to have him was tearing me apart inside. I couldn't stop looking at him-my eyes devoured every detail about him. Brett seemed flawless. When he smiled, his teeth were perfectly straight. He was built like a gymnast with his lean and muscular body. Most men didn't allow their boys to lift weights, but Chet didn't care, so Brett spent his time on the yard toning his body. The tiny frays on his jeans mimicked his laid-back nature.
My obsession became so obvious that it started to become a joke. Uh oh, looks like Timmy's lost his voice again.
"If you keep that up," Taylor said. "We're gonna start callin' you Scarlet the way you're turning red all the time."
Brett soon became aware of my interest, and I don't think he liked it. He acted as if he didn't care for the sexual stuff that went on there, not even among boys. He avoided being gang raped, by cutting a deal with Chet, but he never hid his contempt for it. He was serving a fifteen to thirty for sales and possession of drugs, so being locked up in solitary for that long wasn't much of an option.
At least Chet had a small dick. Brett was lucky he wasn't with Red.
Most of the time, Brett wouldn't even look at me, at least not when Chet was around. But then that gave me a glimmer of hope!
One afternoon, while I was walking the yard looking for Brett, Josh said without even asking who I was looking for, "He's over in the school house." He pointed to the small white building on the northeast corner of the yard. I walked over and found him standing at the window on the second floor. He smiled and waved.
I lit up with excitement, waving back, but then he glanced over my shoulder and mouthed something to someone behind me. I turned around and saw Chet coming up the walk. When I looked back-Brett was gone. I didn't know if he disappeared because of Chet, or if he was even waving at me in the first place.
"Where's your man at?" Chet asked. He looked right through me as he walked past.
"10 Building," I said.
He was acting strange. Not his usual phony self-pretending to be friendly and nice. I hoped he didn't think I was trying to steal Brett. But why would he? It's not like I could. I ran to catch up to him, thinking I could reassure him. "So how's it going?"
He looked over at me, but didn't respond.
I learned to watch the eyes. To look at them and listen to what they told me. I was starting to hear what they had to say. Were they dangerous or lonely? Were they lying or just looking to get laid? The eyes would tell me.
I had been avoiding Chet, ever since he set me up when I arrived. And when I couldn't avoid him, I gave him back what he showed me; a false front. I wanted to get with Brett, and because he was Brett's man, the only way two boys could do that was if both of their men agreed.
"Listen Tim, I'm really busy," he said. "So how about doing me a favor, huh?"
"Sure, Chet. What is it?"
"Put an egg in your shoe and beat it."
I hated Chet. I hated everything about him. He was as fake as his fucking teeth. They were cheap too-the kind that caused a slight whistle whenever he spoke. When he took them out at night, he looked more like his true nature: an ugly redneck with a sunken jaw.
When I told Slide Step what happened, he said things between Chet and him had been heating up since Chet and Taylor seemed to be trying to pull a fast one on Slide Step. With his mom providing the supply, they worked for Slide Step. But now they had other plans in play that they were trying to hide from him. "These motherfuckers must think I'm a sucker," Slide Step said. We were under his bed when he told me about it, but all I could think about was how any fallout would affect my chances with Brett.
"I know how to handle it," he said. "They're not crossing me out. They'll have to leave this motherfucker first."
Slide Step was upset as I'd ever seen him. But my not being able to get together with Brett made me as angry as Slide Step was for being doublecrossed.
"Listen, I want you to stay clear of them, until Red and I take care of this thing."
I looked at him and nodded. Did that mean Brett as well, but I didn't want to ask, leaving open the possibility of hooking up with Brett.
"And Brett, too," he added.
My face dropped.
Slide Step looked at me and smiled.
