"I am not!"
"Like a bookie reads a racing form." Slide Step started to tickle me. "I got your number!"
"You do not," I laughed.
He drove his scruffy chin into my neck. "Oh, yes I do."
I was amazed at how quickly he went from rage to playfulness, as if one didn't affect the other.
"Quit it," I said, but I couldn't stop laughing.
Would I ever be able to have sex with someone I wanted?
The next day, I stepped away from a card game on the yard, and went to use the bathroom in the basement of 10 Building. It was next to an open area where they held AA meetings once a week. I was standing at the urinal when I heard the door open behind me.
"Homeboy," Scatter said, smiling. "What are you doin' down here?"
"Hey," I said, feeling a slight quiver in my voice. We were alone, and I was surprised to see him. Had he followed me?
He smiled and stared as we both peed. "So what's happening?" He asked.
"Nothin'," I said, looking straight ahead. I could see him, out of the corner of my eye, but I was afraid to turn my head.
He twisted to see if the stall was empty, and I snuck a quick peek.
Oh my God! I zipped up my fly without shaking and quickly moved for the door. I felt my underwear getting wet. "I've gotta go," I said.
"Wait!" he whispered.
I held the door open with my hand. The light from the stairwell illuminated the empty area between the bathroom and the outside door. There was no one around.
"What?" I asked.
He had a mischievous look on his face-as if he were about to do something wrong, and was gleeful about it.
"C'mere," he said.
Slide Step was tied up in the card game. It was his table that day, which meant he got a cut from every hand. Plus he was dealing and slipping the hole card to the bottom of the deck like he practiced the day before, which meant he was cheating. Though you couldn't tell. At least I couldn't, and I was watching carefully. He probably had the sucker's money piling up so high by now, that he wasn't paying attention to where I was. And Red and Manley were there too, covering his back.
"What do you want to talk about?" I said. My throat felt dry.
He slowly stepped back from the urinal. I looked down at him and swallowed. I couldn't believe how fast my heart was beating. A bead of sweat skittered down the side of my body. I was about to do something, that up until that moment; I had only been forced to do.
I let go of the door.
When we finished having sex, Scatter told me to go back first and he would wait. No one could see us coming out together or I'd be in big trouble. On my way up the stairs, I had to stop twice-to adjust my pants. I was still sporting the residue of my excitement and the boxer shorts didn't provide the same support as my old BVD come-fuck-me's. Since Scatter was straight, I would have to take care of myself later. I put my hand in the pocket and held onto my erection as I hustled passed the crowd that was standing around Slide Step's card game.
Red stared at me with his usual glare. He nodded, as if to say somethingbut what? Slide Step and the others were preoccupied with the cards. I worried about what Red might guess.
I went into 10 Building and up the stairs to take a shower. I couldn't stop thinking about Red. What if he saw Scatter follow me down into the basement of 10 Building? And no matter how long Scatter waited, Red would see him when he came back out. It would look even worse, and Red would surely tell Slide Step.
I turned on the showers and stepped under the hot water. What would Slide Step do if he found out? I was leaving for court in two days, so maybe it would blow over by then. As I soaped up, my thoughts drifted back to Scatter. I couldn't believe that we got together. Scatter was fucking amazing. I had given him a blowjob, and yes, I was definitely gay.
I was alone in the shower, so I finished myself off and couldn't stop smiling.
I went back to my room in time for the 4:30 count. I fell asleep, thinking about how much fun I had had. It was as if I'd been asleep my whole life and now I was suddenly awake. Alive and awake and in this place-for the moment at least, everything felt soft and kind and warm and delicious.
After count, Slide Step pounded on my door and startled me awake.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing," I said. "Taking a nap."
"Are you all right?" He frowned.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"C'mon. It's chow time."
I put on my shoes and scrambled to catch up with him. He was walking with his head down, and he didn't look happy. My heart was pounding. Finally he spoke.
"What'd you do?" he asked.
"Huh?"
"This afternoon?"
I looked at him. His was looking down as he walked, but was listening.
"Nothing."
He didn't respond.
"How'd you do," I asked. "At the card game?"
"Not well. I lost."
He placed his hand on my back and led me through the door.
When we entered the chow hall, I grabbed two trays and handed him one. Scatter was sitting down already, laughing and talking with others at his table. He didn't look up. Red was sitting in the far corner, talking with Chet and Taylor.
"Listen," Slide Step said. "I want you to stay close to me tonight." He was staring at Red, who gave Slide Step a nod.
The food was liver and beets and banana cream pie for dessert. The cook's idea of pie was whipped cream and pudding on a layer of half-cooked dough.
"Looks like another night for a cook-up," Slide Step said. "C'mon, we'll get Manley to put it
