We head off down the street, enjoying our stroll, soaking in the spirit of the season from all the festive decorations, and she inches closer to me with each step. Before long, I drape my arm around her shoulders, she locks hers around my waist, and our steps fall in sync as if this is our natural gait.
“Are you okay with sleeping in my bed tonight? If you’re uncomfortable with it at all, I’ll sleep on the couch or in the playroom with the kids. I don’t mind.”
“I’m fine with the arrangements. My reaction had nothing to do with sharing a room with you. I have a problem with others taking away my choice, and that’s exactly what Mom did when she made the decision without even talking to me first. If she’d asked me rather than told me, I wouldn’t have reacted the same way.”
“Does that mean you don’t like surprises?”
“That’s a loaded question.” She chuckles against my side. “I like surprises when I’m expecting them.”
“You realize that makes no sense, right?” I lift one eyebrow and peer down at her. She looks up at me from under those thick eyelashes with a teasing glint in her eye. “A surprise is the exact opposite of expecting something to happen.”
“It makes perfect sense. Christmas, birthdays, special occasions—most people expect they’ll receive some sort of gift without knowing what it is. That’s a surprise, and it’s expected.”
“Oh, yes, that’s perfect logic. Except you told me the adults don’t exchange gifts anymore, so you wouldn’t expect to receive anything.”
“Exactly. So there’s no surprise involved, and I’m okay with that.” She shrugs, as if her reasoning explains everything.
“I’ll make you a deal. If you’ll let me spoil you with surprises, I’ll never pick anything that takes away your choice in the matter.”
She thinks about my proposal for a few steps, no doubt weighing the pros and cons in her mind before coming to a decision. “All right, if it’s important to you, I’ll allow it on a trial basis. If you go overboard, we’ll negotiate a new agreement though.”
“That’s fair. You have my word.”
“What about you? Do you like surprises?” She doesn’t look up at me when she asks, which strikes me as odd. But I quickly dismiss the notion since she’s in my arms of her own accord.
“I love good surprises—like meeting you on a Caribbean island, spending the holidays with you and your family, having you move into my bed tonight. Those, I’ll take every day. But I can live without the kind that makes me feel as though the ground gave way under my feet and I can’t claw my way out.”
“Can you give me an example? I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
“Like when I checked my voicemail and had a message from Juliana’s oncologist, that kind of surprise. Daisy, believe me when I say, I couldn’t think straight after hearing that message. I had tunnel vision, and all I could see was losing my little sister after spending my life raising her.”
“You reacted the way any sibling would have in the same situation—even if they hadn’t been a surrogate father. If I’d received that call about Marlee, I would’ve left all my belongings behind and rushed home without a second thought. Your actions were calm compared to what I would’ve done.” She tightens her grip around my waist—a squeeze of solidarity.
I respond by halting our steps, turning to face her, and pulling her fully into my arms. When I kiss the top of her head, feelings I’ve repressed erupt inside me like a super volcano, threatening an irreversible change in my world as I know it forever. Since the first day I met her, she has chipped away at the icy chamber where I’ve kept my heart stored. But simple affection has morphed into something much deeper now. The realization of what that sensation is slams into me and steals my breath. Blood flows hot through my veins from the mere thought of losing her.
She makes me feel excited and calm simultaneously.
I want to keep her only to myself while also watching her soar to all new heights.
If she decides I’m not the perfect man for her, I’ll be devastated. But I also want her to be happy, even if that means she belongs with someone else.
Though I can’t say the words yet, that doesn’t change the truth of the matter.
I love her… more than I’ve ever believed was possible.
“You’re quiet all of a sudden. What’s going through that handsome head of yours?” She tilts her head back and meets my gaze.
“I don’t deserve you or your kind heart. You didn’t have to give me this chance. In fact, you have every right never to speak to me again, but that’s not who you are. You’re generous to a fault. After meeting your parents, I understand better how that’s so ingrained in you. Despite the teasing and bullying you faced growing up, you didn’t allow that to define you. You won’t allow the bad memories to overshadow the good.”
She flinches and drops her eyes to my chest. Then she bites her bottom lip and softly shakes her head. “That’s not entirely true. There’s something from my past I haven’t told you yet. Since it’s something that may make you change your mind about us, I don’t feel right keeping it from you any longer.”
“There’s nothing you could’ve done that would make me turn away from you, Daisy. If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me, and I’ll listen to whatever you have to say. But I’d never want you to feel obligated to tell me anything you’re not one-hundred percent comfortable sharing with me.” I understand all too well how
