“I think that’s the most romantic and supportive thing you’ve ever said to me. You don’t know how much I appreciate it. In a way, I wish I could keep this a secret for the rest of my life. But that’s not only impossible, it’s also not healthy.”
She squeezes her eyes shut and leans her forehead against my chest in the spot she attempted to drill holes through me with her stare. I feel her inhale deeply and realize she’s preparing to tell me something thoroughly awful—at least in her mind.
“I’ve purposely avoided telling you about Landen’s father. In fact, I’ve never told anyone the whole story of what I’m about to share with you. Not Tracy, Marlee, or even Mom. Tracy knows more of it than anyone, but not everything. I’m trusting you with this, Rod.”
“You won’t regret it, love. I’m not going anywhere.”
“When I was a sophomore in college, I went to this huge party at a fraternity house where all the most popular athletes pledged. Before that night, I’d been more of a wallflower than anything else. Tracy was the outgoing one, while I was the quiet one. But I decided I’d stood in the shadows long enough and wanted to have a little fun for once. She had a date that night, so I worked up the courage to go alone.
“The brothers of that house came from wealthy families, so the alcohol freely flowed like a river. When I walked through the door, someone shoved a red plastic cup of beer into my hand. When I looked around the packed room, I realized everyone had one—some had one in each hand—so I took it. The crowd immediately around me to start chanting, urging me to chug it. I didn’t want to appear more out of place than I felt, so I held my breath, turned it up, and drank every drop.
“Then another full cup replaced my empty one almost immediately. At that point, I couldn’t taste the beer, so I mingled with the partiers while I finished the second alcoholic drink I’d ever had in my life. I was more of a lightweight than I realized because that second cup almost knocked me out. The room started spinning, all the faces became blurry, and I could barely walk. I remember trying to find someone I knew to help me, but it was as if someone had turned the lights off and I was stumbling around in the dark.
“My last coherent thought was getting outside the house to get some fresh air and hoping to find somewhere I could sit alone and sober up. After that, I can only see flashes of scenes that don’t make sense, but none of them are pleasant. Nothing is crystal clear, but somehow I realized I was in the backseat of some guy’s car. There were two other girls in the car too. One kept her arm around me, talking to me the entire ride. I don’t know what she said, but I remember feeling comforted by her voice.
“My only solid memory is when I woke in the emergency room, even though I was still very woozy and didn’t know where I was at the time. I don’t think I’d been there long because I was still in my regular clothes. They were torn and stained with blood. I freaked out—completely lost my shit—and ran out of the hospital, despite several nurses yelling for me to stop.
“But I couldn’t, because at the time, I didn’t even realize where I was. It was several hours later before any of it made sense. All I knew was I had to get away before I had a complete mental breakdown in front of everyone. When I reached my apartment, I locked the door behind me and didn’t come out for a solid week. Little by little, I put the pieces of that night together. Three months later, I accepted the fact that I was pregnant with Landen.
“Mom, Marlee, and Tracy know an abbreviated version of the story, but I couldn’t bring myself to share all the details. How could I tell them I had sex with someone when I was drunk, have no recollection of it, and have no clue who he was? I don’t remember a name, a face, nothing about him.”
She still hasn’t made eye contact with me, and I’ve never been so relieved for her to avoid looking at me. I’m stunned and completely speechless, but not for the reason she thinks.
As painful as this will be for both of us, I have to find a way to fill in some gaps for her.
“Daisy, did you really think I’d fault you for that? It wasn’t as though you chose to sleep with him. He raped you, baby. He took advantage of the situation when you were incapable of saying no.” I purposely keep my voice soft and my tone judgment-free.
“Why wouldn’t you fault me? I blame myself for allowing it to happen. If I hadn’t gotten drunk, I would’ve known what I was doing.”
With my finger under her chin, I gently lift her face, silently asking her to trust me. When she relents and raises her eyes to mine, I see the fear and guilt swimming in her eyes. I gently shake my head and softly glide my fingertips along her jawline before cupping her face in my palm. She leans into it, seeking compassion and support.
“Part of what I’m about to tell you will be hard to hear, but please let me finish before you react. If you can.”
She nods slowly, confusion etched in her brow.
“From the moment we met, I felt a connection to you. Normally, this would sound
