“Let’s get this one. It has a digital version so there’s no misinterpreting the results.” Tracy’s talking, but I can’t make sense of her words. “Yeah, let’s hurry and get this over with. You’re as white as a ghost. I don’t want you passing out on me in here. That would be hard to explain to everyone.”
The next thing I know, she ushers me into the small bathroom in the back of the store and takes the test out of the bag. After reading the instructions, she hands the stick to me with a worried expression on her face.
“There’s no way to mess this up, babe. All you have to do is pee on the end you’re not holding for five seconds. Then we wait three minutes for the result to display. You ready?” She grabs my shoulders and gives them a light shake to get my attention.
“I’m ready.” Once I’m seated and positioned with the stick in place, I look up at Tracy. “I’m not ready. It won’t come out.”
“What? Just think about water. Here.” She turns the faucet lever until it stops, the water pouring out at full force. “Focus on this.”
I watch the stream of water and try to think of every river, lake, and stream I’ve ever seen. “It’s not working, Trace.”
“Dude, we’re wasting water. Do I need to get you something to drink?” She steps toward the door and I start laughing. Uncontrollably.
“No, do not bring me anything to drink in a public restroom. This is absolutely ridiculous. I’ve never had this problem before. I think I’m just too tense. Give me a second to relax and just focus on breathing.” I close my eyes and go back to the island. Sun, sand, surf, and a sexy man at my side.
Works like a charm.
“Thank goodness. It’s about time. I was about to go ask the pharmacist for a straight catheter. Wouldn’t that have been fun?” Tracy leans her back against the door and releases a relieved sigh.
“It’s amusing you think I’d let you catheterize me. I’ve successfully completed the pee test. Now we wait.” I replace the cap, then hand her the test stick.
She places it flat on the counter and begins pacing the six steps from one wall to the other. I lean against the sink and watch her chew her thumb nail more and more aggressively the longer she walks. A sort of calmness settled over me once I got past my initial anxiety. Of course, this may be just pure hysteria—the calm before the storm.
“Has it been long enough yet?” Her eyes dart to mine before she turns and starts her next stroll across the tiny room.
“It’s been about sixty-two seconds, Trace. We still have a couple of minutes before it is ready. I can’t believe I’m saying this to you, but you need to calm down. It’s done. Whatever the result, it’s out of our hands for now.”
“If it’s positive, have you decided what you’ll do?” She stops walking, giving my answer her full attention. “I mean, that’ll confirm you’re a few months along rather than a few weeks.”
“No, I haven’t. I’ve considered talking to Rod about it. The only Christmas present he wants is for his sister to find a tissue match. Well, that’s the one thing I can give him that he doesn’t already have. Just not while I’m pregnant. Have you really looked at her since we’ve been here? She seems to be getting weaker by the minute. I’m not convinced she’ll make it another six months or more until the baby is born.” The thought of losing her to this terrible disease brings tears to my eyes. I don’t know how I can watch that happen to her, knowing I have the chance to stop it.
“Yes, I’ve noticed, and it makes me so sad for all of you. Don’t take this the wrong way, but there’s no guarantee the transplant will save her. If you have an abortion and she doesn’t live, will you be able to live with yourself?”
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to live with myself either way, to be honest. I’m not sure what the right thing to do is. This situation is all fucked up.” My feeling of helplessness is overwhelming.
“Maybe the best thing to do is talk to both of them about it and see what they say. They may have strong opinions that’ll help you decide.”
“Maybe.” That’s the best answer I can give at the moment. When the test results are finally in, this little hitch may not even be an obstacle anymore.
As if reading my mind, she steps over to the counter and peers down at the strip without touching it. Both her hands fall to either side of the test and she grips the edge until her knuckles turn white.
There’s no need to ask what it shows, I already know. I drop my chin to my chest and close my eyes. It’s the end of December, closer to January than not. That means I’m nearing my third month of pregnancy.
“Looks like we’re having a summer baby, Daisy.” Tracy wraps her arms around me, and I come undone. When my meltdown is over, her shoulder is wet, my face is a mess, and I’m no closer to a resolution than I was before.
After splashing cold water on my face, I dry off with a paper towel and straighten my imaginary crown. “Now that I know what I have to do next, I can make a plan to move forward. I’ll have a talk with Rod and Juliana, probably sometime between Christmas and New Year’s Day. In case this news isn’t received well, which I
