I settle into my comfy chair, arrange the baby in one arm, and tell her to fill me in on what’s causing her so much concern.
“Is Rod listening?” Her hesitancy piques my interest. She rarely keeps anything from her brother.
“No, it’s just you and me. He’s in the kitchen with Lyra, Isa, and Landen. Spill it, little sis. I know this isn’t about your treatments.”
“Then you know me too well.” It’s good to hear her chuckle. There was a long time I didn’t expect to hear it again. “I’m afraid I’ve gotten myself into a pickle and I’m not sure how to get out of it.”
“What have you done? And how did you do it while you’re still in the hospital?”
“After Rod went to visit Gabriel, Karen told me Gabe had asked a few people about Isa and me. I sent a message back through Karen, clearly letting him know not to ask or think about us. He made it all too clear he had no intentions of ever being in our lives when he disappeared on us. Isa was only three months old when he deserted us. Rod helped me go through the process of having his parental rights stripped when he didn’t return.
“The only excuse I have for my stupidity now is the medications muddied my mind.”
“What stupidity are we talking about, Jules?” I have a strong suspicion of what, but she needs to confirm it.
“I’ve been in this isolation room alone for so long. The nurses are great, but they don’t have enough time to stay in here and chat with me. So, when my phone rang, I had to answer it, even though I didn’t recognize the number. At that point, I was ready to chat up the telemarketers and keep them on the line for a change.”
“Who was on the phone, Jules? It was Gabriel, wasn’t it?” I close my eyes, knowing how my husband will react to this news when she shares it.
“Yes, it was Gabe, and I didn’t hang up. I thought about it, I really did. But I didn’t follow through. When he said he hasn’t stopped thinking about Isa or me since the last time I saw him, I had to hear him out. Daisy, I needed to know what was so wrong with me. I had to know what would make him desert us.”
“Did he give you an answer that settled your mind?”
“He was very vague, but he swore on his life it wasn’t anything to do with me. He said it wasn’t even that he was scared of responsibility. But he never gave me a full explanation, other than he wasn’t good enough for me and never had been. He said he’d pretended to be something he wasn’t his entire life, and that lie finally caught up with him. He said he couldn’t pretend anymore because he didn’t want to hurt me. I got the feeling he didn’t realize how much his leaving devastated me… as if he thought he was doing me a favor. It’s hard to explain right now, but I felt sorry for him, Daisy.”
“Jules, are you looking for closure with him? Or are you looking for a reason to forgive him?”
“That’s a trick question, Daisy Stone. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re trying to entrap me.”
“You’re not fooling anyone, little girl. You’ve entrapped yourself. Now answer my question.”
“Ugh, I don’t know what my answer is. Tell me it’s the drugs. Tell me my brain is on narcotics and all kinds of other mind-altering medications. Tell me I’m not competent to make decisions for myself in my current state and you’ll take over everything from here.”
“Because if I don’t, you’ll let him right back into your life, your bed, and your heart. Right?”
“What should I do, Daisy? He calls every day, usually several times a day, even if he only has a minute or two to talk. Every time, he sounds surprised I answered, and he keeps stressing he doesn’t deserve me, but he can’t walk away again. I’ve texted him pictures of Isa through the years, showing him how much she’s grown and changed. He’s amazed at how much she looks like me. The more we talk… I don’t know. Now, I’m coming home soon, and I’m afraid I’ve started something I can’t finish.”
“You’re afraid you’ve started something you want to finish, Jules. I don’t think you’re lying to me. It’s more that you’re not being honest with yourself. You’re about to spring out of jail, then there won’t be an isolation room separating you and him anymore. I’ll ask you the same thing Tracy asked me when I was confused as to what I should do.
“Take everyone else out of the equation. Never mind what Rod will say about it. What kind of life do you want for yourself and your daughter? To take that a step further, can Gabriel provide the life you need?”
“If I had only me to think about, I’d say I could give him a second chance. But I have to put Isa first. As a mother and her only parent, I can’t forget he left us both, and I can’t take the chance he’d do it again. Isa’s old enough now to be devastated by his indecisiveness.”
“Sounds like you already know what comes next, but you’re not ready to take the next step just yet.”
“I think—.” She pauses, as if she’s figured out what she needs to do.
“Thank you for talking me through this, Daisy. Now I know what I have to do. Regardless how much I want to believe he’s changed, and he wouldn’t do that to us again, the fact is I have no way of knowing for sure. When he calls again, I’ll tell him I made a mistake in letting this go on as long as I have,
