You were about three weeks old. She said she wanted there to be one perfect memory before she broke your father’s heart. But it wasn’t just his heart…It broke every part of him. You see a man should love his wife and she, her husband. But your father…he worshipped her. In his heart he had put her on this pedestal and turned her into a Goddess. When she died, he didn’t just lose his wife. He lost all of his misplaced faith. Fin, your mom was one of the most beautiful and loving women I have ever known. We all adored her, but she was human, and she made mistakes, like lying to your father about her cancer. I think she had him, convinced that she would beat it. And for a while she did, she was such a fighter. The doctors had given her just a few months when you were born. She lived for thirty-four months. The doctors couldn’t explain it. But, I know, she fought every day, so she could hold you one more minute. All in the hope, that you would remember how much she loved you; that you would feel her in your heart. “
I am looking down at the floor as tears roll off my face. I am on the verge of begging Mrs. Taylor to stop. As much as I have always wanted to know about my mom, I don’t think I can handle it right now. But my feet feel as if they have been rooted to the floor, and it is as if my jaw has been wired shut. I realize that my need to hear what happened, overrides the pain I feel in this moment.
“Before she passed, she made your father promise to take care of you.”
I can’t help the snort of derision that escapes, but Mrs. Taylor presses on.
“For a while he did try, though he walked around dazed by sorrow and disbelief. He was seeing to your basic needs. He started drinking at night so that he could sleep. We tried to help him. We tried to help you, but he just pushed everyone away. Two years later he sold the house and bought that trailer in the woods. He said being close to nature would help him get his head straight. We all hoped it was true, but he just started drinking more and more. The church would drop off groceries to make sure you had food. That was all he would allow us to do. We begged him to let us take you. But he would get so angry any time a church member broached the topic. We were afraid we were making things worse for you, so we backed off. When the Hollocks moved here and you and Haven became friends, it was an answered prayer. I think your father allowed them to be a part of your life, because they were not from around here and did not know your family history. Fin, you cannot imagine how sorry we all are that we couldn’t do more for you. We were just so terrified that you would end up as one of Lui’s forgotten children. We didn’t know what to do.”
I can’t stand seeing the despair on Mrs. Taylor’s face, so I do what I have always done; lie. I pull her into my arms and hug her one last time.
“It’s okay Mrs. Taylor, it wasn’t as bad as you imagine. I am fine, and I am off to better things now. Before I leave though, I need to give you something.”
She takes a step back and looks up at me. I reach back and take out the gun. Her face pales as I hand it to her.
“It is my dad’s, but drunks shouldn’t play with guns. I took it before I left, but I can’t bring it with me when I sign up for service. Keep it somewhere safe. You may need it someday. Whatever you do, don’t give it back to my dad.”
She gives me one silent nod, as I turn to leave. I walk outside into another dark rainy night. The rain washes over me. It is cool on my warm skin, and as I walk it feels as if the rain is washing away the burden of my life in this town.
Chapter Eight “Enlistment Day”
T hirty minutes later I am standing in front of the recruitment offices, located in Elizabeth’s, Government office park. It consists of a row of slightly dingy buildings that house the recruitment centers for the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard, as well as the Federal Tax Center, and National Work Placement Agency. I stand outside for a moment trying to decide which military branch is the one for me. I know what I want out of my training, but I am not sure which service will provide me with the fastest track to my goal. Before I can decide an Army, recruiter comes outside. He takes one look at me and smiles like a Cheshire cat. He opens the door back up and waves me into the building. I stand just inside the door dripping rain onto the ugly green carpet. The walls are covered with posters of men and women, they are stalking through the wilderness wearing camouflage and painted faces, jumping out of planes, and riding in tanks. There is one poster in the center of them all. There are no soldiers just a
