“Not right now, as long as he doesn’t see you here, so please go. Look I’ll come by later if I can. If not, I’ll be back in school in a couple of days.”
I leaned in and softly kissed his forehead. “I’m so sorry Fin.” Then I turned and ran down the trail crying the whole way home.
I left my window open that night hoping he would come by. I wanted to tell him to run away, that I would hide him in my house. I cried into my pillow half the night and spent the other half staring at the window screen hoping to see his face. But he never came. That Friday he was back in school the swelling in his lip was gone and the black eye had faded considerably. He wore long sleeves to cover his arms even though it was warm outside. I was so relieved to see him, but he avoided me. Every time I tried to get near him to talk, he would flee to his football teammates.
Finally, I cornered him alone one day and tried to get him to talk to me. I begged him to stop avoiding me and pleaded with him to let me help.
“Please Fin let me help you!”
“That’s the thing Haven I don’t need or want your help! So, what my dad’s a jerk sometimes. We can’t all be daddy’s little princess.” If you really want to help, just back off. You think just because we kissed once you get to have a say in how I handle my family issues.”
My face went pale, and I felt tears sting at the back of my eyes. “We kissed twice.” I said lamely my voice barely above a whisper.
He swirled his left pointer finger in the air. “Whoop de do! Look its time I started hanging out with the team more anyway. I’m tired of people thinking I follow you around like a dog.”
“No one thinks that!”
“Everyone thinks that! Look Haven we’ll hang out again. I just want some time with my other friends. I…I’m sorry if I confused you by kissing you. I never should have asked to be your boyfriend.”
I was so completely stunned. It felt like my whole world was tilting upside down. I know I was zoning out because Fin said something that I didn’t hear. Then he put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my plain Jane amber, brown eyes with his perfect sea green eyes and said. “I promise Haven, its better this way.”
Then the bell rang, and he walked away. I stumbled into the bathroom, hid in the stall, and cried until school was over.
We never hung out again. A month later Kirra moved to our school and she became my best friend. And eventually, I just stopped trying to hold onto Fin.
A nudge at my elbow breaks me from my reverie.
“Meet me tonight at the bridge by the creek?”
I am stunned by Fin’s request and I am seriously starting to wonder if my new body wash has been spiked with pheromones.
“I would but I already made plans with Jackson.”
“Please Haven I have a bad feeling about it. Don’t go.”
“What do you mean? Do you think he is deranged or something?”
There is no answer for a minute like he is deciding whether or not to divulge privileged information. I can hear Fin exhale again before he shoves the paper at my elbow.
“No. He is actually a really good guy. I don’t know how to explain it. I just have a bad feeling about you going to see Jackson. I think you should hang out with me instead.”
“You know when you stopped coming over it wasn’t just me who missed you. My parents… my dad especially, they thought of you as family. And you just erased us from your life, we all missed you. You know my dad always said you were a protector. It was supposed to be your special gift. Funny thing is I guess we needed protecting from you. No one ever hurt me more than you did when you decided we weren’t friends anymore.”
The minutes tick by as I wait on Fin’s response and I hear him clear his throat several times before I get his next note.
“Haven… I’m sorry you have no idea how much I have missed you, all of you. Please say you’ll forgive me and meet me tonight instead of Jackson.”
I look around and wonder how everyone in class can be completely absorbed in Mrs. Andrews lecture while my world is doing somersaults. After arguing with myself back and forth I come to a decision.
“I can’t, I promised Jackson I would go to his house for dinner, but if you’re serious about missing me or all of us, then you should come to the house tomorrow for dinner.”
Once more, several agonizing minutes tick by on the clock before he responds.
“Okay Haven”
I glance back at his face and his expression is so tragic I almost change mind. I sit and blankly stare toward the front of the class until the bell rings. When I get up Fin is holding my bag up for me. Again, I can’t help but notice the pained look in his eyes.
“It’s going to be alright Fin I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I can feel the color drain instantly from my face as a horrifying thought pops into my head and I lean into whisper. “Has he been hurting you again?”
Fin gently squeezes my shoulder. “No, Haven, not since that day.”
I wish I couldn’t read the lie in his eyes. All those years ago, he swore to me that what happened with his dad had only happened that one time. I felt
