Why did I have to go and kiss Amelia Jones? Oh, right, I wanted to piss her brother off, and now I’m the bitch that used a young girl’s feelings for my own gain… again.
Riley kicked me out of her house about an hour ago and I’ve been walking around aimlessly, not wanting to go home. My house has been bustling with my family being excited for the holidays and it’s depressing me even more. I hate the holidays, I hate the snow, and I hate Whitsborough, but here I am walking through it all.
My phone had been quiet for about a week, no unwanted messages, and I was just starting to move on, hoping he was over it. Until tonight, he sent me another video, and I am just too scared to open it. Maybe him being home with his family triggered his need to torment me, because that’s what he liked to do, torment me. I don’t think he’ll ever stop and I don’t know what to do. I could change my number but then I’m so afraid he’ll find another way to deliver his messages.
When my feet begin to grow numb from the cold and snow, I decide to start for home. It’s well after midnight and everyone should be asleep. They should also be caring about where their daughter is but seem content with my simple text responses.
Where are you? Out.
When will you be home? Later.
Are you okay? Yeah.
That’s all they need to be able to sleep at night, or call themselves parents, and conveniently brush me aside. I’m the unwanted teen pregnancy, remember?
I get to my house and stop in my tracks when I see an unfamiliar car. It’s a car you wouldn’t normally see around here, it looks like a Civic, and yes I know how pretentious that sounds but facts are facts.
The driver’s side door opens and a tan Timberland boot steps out onto the asphalt. Then I see his head and I am both relieved and anxious as to why he’s here. He closes his door and leans against his car, waiting for me to go to him, and I can either suck it up and do it, or freeze in the cold.
I cross the street and walk straight to him, forcing a brave exterior that doesn’t even closely resemble my trembling insides. He’s still in the same clothes as the party and it reminds me how close I came to kissing him in that bathroom, and again in that kitchen, but thankfully both times I remembered he hates me.
I stop a foot in front of him and lift my brow. What the fuck are you doing here, Jones? His arm reaches forward and he fists my jacket in his hand, turning us around then slamming me into his car. My back absorbs the impact and then the warmth of his body presses into my front.
“Why Amelia?” He asks.
“Because I’m an asshole.”
“Why Amelia?” He shakes me a bit and I can see the conflict in his features.
Neil Jones hates me but Neil Jones wants me, too. He’s pissed I’ve wormed my way into his sister’s life but he’s also pissed I didn’t try it with him. I can see everything.
I lift my hands and press them into his warm cheeks, the rough scratch of stubble scrapes my palms.
“I’m sorry.”
He has to know I don’t just mean for Amelia and that those two words are all I have to offer him, I can’t bring Charlotte back.
His eyes search mine, slowly losing their fire, and filling with moisture. I know I took something from him that can never be replaced, that void he’s filling is vast, and forgiveness can never be in the cards. But he still deserves to hear it from me, regardless of how he perceives it, and they aren’t just words to me, they are boulders of pain.
His forehead falls and connects with mine, our breaths mingling in puffs of white. I feel his jaws flex beneath my hands and rub my fingers along their sharpened edge. Neil is beautiful.
We stay like that for a while, him letting me feel his pain, and me letting it connect with my own, I wish I could take it all. I stand to my tippy-toes and he pulls back slightly, his brows coming together in confusion. I tip my mouth up and press my lips into the corner of his mouth, he stiffens and drops his fist from my jacket.
“I’ll stay away from Amelia.” I tell him as he steps away.
He just nods, there are no words needed, and he knows I mean what I say. I slide out from between him and his car and walk towards my gate, my heart heavier with each step. Something just shifted and I feel like no matter what I do going forward, I will forever be connected to Neil Jones.
I chance a look at him over my shoulder and he’s still standing there in the same spot, looking at the ground, and his fingers touching the spot my mouth did.
What happens now?
“Where were you last night?” I ask Carmelo as he lays across my bed.
“I had a prior engagement.” He grins and his busted lip begins to bleed again.
“I can tell by your face.”
“You should see the other guy.” He chuckles.
“I actually should, are you sure you’re winning?”
“I need to take a few hits to get my blood pumping and then it’s all red.” He snaps his fingers. “How was the party?”
“Riley and I broke up.” I roll my eyes.
“Don’t look too banged up about it. Were you even really dating?”
“I think so.” I shrug.
“You’re still fucking your math teacher.” He raises a bandaged brow. “Shouldn’t you be exclusive?”
“We didn’t set terms.”
“I think when you find the right one, you’ll know it. Riley was just something to pass your time.”
