Dad is always the one that comes for these I love you talks, always trying to get me to open up, and my heart wrenches for him because they never work. I can’t open up to him, I can’t tell him what my actual fucking problems are, and at the end of the day, if he knew the real me with all my fucking issues… would he love me still?
“Sorry,” I nod and avoid his eyes. “After what happened at that school and how I got kicked out, I’ve been ashamed.”
“Why did that happen? Why would you let a teacher take advantage of you?”
“He didn’t.” I finally look at him because my next words are the truth. “I took advantage of him, Dad.”
“Do you have a problem with sex?”
“What?” My heart picks up again. “No!”
“You can’t have sex with married men, Ivy. You shouldn’t be having sex at all, I was your age once and I understand all too well, but you cannot have sex with married men.”
How do I explain that my need for sex stems from the man who took advantage of me for two years? How do I tell him that I have come to need the release sex gives me to forget the man that used it to harm me?
“I liked him, Dad.” I shrug. “I now realize it was wrong.”
“You're lucky your mother didn’t kill him.” He gives me a look, his green eyes twinkling with mirth.
“She’d be in jail.” I grin.
“You’d be surprised with what she can get away with.” He winks.
“Because of our money?”
“Because of how smart she is, just like you, baby girl.” He taps my nose. “Now liven up because the holidays are here and I need help with Saxon.”
“Dad,” I groan, “Saxon needs a therapist.”
“So did your Uncle Emmett but he turned out fine.” He fluffs my hair and gets up. “Mom is back tomorrow, let’s try and have a family chat.”
“Okay.”
Family chat is the code name for nuclear war.
The family chat did happen, the next day which just so happened to be Christmas Eve, and it needed to happen because we were having every family member in this house for the night.
“All I’m saying is that if we’re allowed to bone teachers, do I have to have a good reason?” We’re sitting at the kitchen table and Saxon is looking to be murdered.
“What’s boned?” Dahlia asks and I drop my head to the table with a groan.
“Saxon,” my mother’s calm voice makes me still, “I am not above killing a child if it means I get some peace. Are we clear?”
The room is quiet and I slowly lift my head to look around the table. Dad has his hand over his mouth but his eyes are dancing with humour, Dahlia looks pale with her chin hitting the wooden surface, and Saxon looks like he may pass out.
Mother leans across the table to get further into his face, “I’m not going to hear about this shit anymore, right? Because it makes me feel like I need to beat someone to a pulp.”
Saxon nods and she pats him roughly on the cheek, “perfect.”
She’s the only one that can reel him in and Dad lets her because Saxon can be a bit much.
“So, no one is allowed to bone any teachers!” Dahlia claps, “got it!”
My family is fucking strange but it can be amusing.
“Ivy,” Mother turns to me. “Tell me, how’s school going?”
“Uh, it’s fine.” Just boning a teacher. “I’m pulling up my math grade.” Because I’m boning the teacher.
“You haven’t been back to New York, is there anyone you miss?” Dad asks. “Best Friend? Boyfriend?”
“Girlfriend?” Mother chimes in.
“No one.” I shake my head.
“So you were a loser there, too.” Saxon snorts and Mother slaps her hand on the table in front of him, never taking her eye off me.
Saxon jumps and Dad snorts.
“There’s no one in New York, I wasn’t in the right headspace to make friends.” I say it quietly and I’m shocked to see Mother’s eyes soften.
“And what about here?” She asks me.
“Here I have Carmelo and Cameron,” I shrug.
“Those are your cousins, Ivy. You need to socialize.” Mother interjects.
“Sometimes family makes the best of friends.” Dad covers her hand with his.
“That’s true,” she nods, “but you can have other friends. What about Veronica? You used to be so close.”
“She’s a bully now.” I shrug.
“Molly?”
“We no longer have the same interests.” And I boned her dad.
“This will change with time, Em.” Dad placates her.
“Fine, but if anyone is giving you issues, you come to me.” Her eyes the exact same shade as mine bore into me.
“Okay.” I agree because what else can I do?
Then they both turn on Saxon, his grades are slipping, and he’s a fucking sociopath. He hates people, he hates authority, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him bring a friend home like normal people do. I wasn't kidding when I said he needed a therapist.
Then they turn on sweet Dahlia and both their eyes crinkle with happiness, she really does no wrong.
“You young lady,” Dad says, “just continue doing what you do.”
“Yay!” She jumps from the table and plows into Saxon.
She’s the only one he softens for, the only one allowed to touch him for extended periods of time, and the one thing I think he would kill for. He hugs her back and kisses her head.
“That’s right, little miss perfect.” He doesn’t say it with his usual sneer. He likes that she’s perfect.
“Everyone is here tomorrow,” Mother looks around at us. Her eyes stop on me, “try not to make anyone cry, scream, or storm out of the house.” She turns to Saxon, “try to be present for longer than an hour, we are your fucking family.”
“Two bad words, Mommy.” Dahlia says holding up her fingers.
“Right.” Mother closes her eyes and breathes. “Just be with your family on Christmas, okay Saxon?”
“Got it.”
