I sit up in bed and cringe when I peel my soaked t-shirt off my body, letting it slap to the floor. Every nightmare feels like I'm right back in that car with her, simultaneously pleading for our lives and breaking her heart.
I grab another shirt from my dresser and head down to the kitchen for a drink. My throat is dry and feels like I was once again screaming for her not to leave me, just like that night.
After gulping down two glasses, I drag my feet back upstairs, and mindlessly head back to my bedroom.
"You were screaming Charlotte's name." Saxon's voice startles me. "I was going to come in and wake you up."
"Oh," I swallow thickly. "Thanks."
"You were screaming for her to slow down, Ivy." He narrows his eyes on me. "Something doesn't add up."
I can feel my face drain of blood and my throat begin to cease. I stand there silently for a few minutes, just looking at him, and finally he breaks the hold.
"Anyways," he steps back into his room. "Night."
Fuck, this is bad. Saxon is unpredictable and I don't know what the fuck he'll do with that information.
"Then I had a puppy named Benji, he was the sweetest little sheepdog, so fluffy."
Her voice is pitched too high and her eyes are too dark, nothing like the clear blue Caribbean Sea. I curse myself and scrub my hand down my face.
"Is everything okay?" Paula leans across the table and takes my hand.
“Yeah, sorry." I smile at her. "It's been a long week."
It hasn't been a long week. We just finished exams and I have the week off before the next semester starts, but she doesn't question me. No, Paula is sweet and so very trusting, a good girl all around. Not one that races her car and then spreads her pussy open in front of everyone. Not someone who has no qualms making out with literally anyone and yet, she's doing nothing for me.
My stomach doesn't flip at the mention of her name, my dick doesn't harden at the sound of her voice, and I don't feel an overwhelming need to see her whenever I can. Fuck, it's not going to work out with Paula and she's the second this month.
"How about I get you home?" I say to her and watch as her face falls. I'm not here to lead anyone on.
"Okay." She says quietly.
I pull up to her sorority and turn in my seat to face her, readying myself to break it off.
"It's okay, Neil." She gives me a sad smile. "You don't have to say it."
"I'm sorry, Paula."
"Tell the one you're thinking about that she's a lucky one." Before I can correct her, she's out of my car and hurrying to her front door.
Neither of us are lucky in this scenario.
"How's Dad?" My dorm room is a mess and I am missing my baby sister.
"He's the same." Amelia exhales into the phone, which is bad. "Mom wants to put him in a rehab facility."
"Make the Greenes pay for it." I snarl and once again hear her huff.
"Neil, we both know he's always had this problem."
"How's everything else?" I change the subject.
"If you want to ask about her, just do it." She has a touch of humour in her voice.
"Who?" I sound like an idiot.
"You're a loser." She chuckles. "She looks okay but I don't think she actually is."
"What does that even mean?"
"Why don't you come home next weekend?" She asks and I can hear the exhaustion in her words.
"Okay sis, I'll see you next weekend."
Another trip to Whitsborough, for a guy that hates that place, I'm fucking there an awful lot.
The following weekend, I get my ass moving and drive to Whitsborough. This is the most I’ve been here since Charlotte and I were kids and I know it’s for a certain dark haired girl. I need to settle this shit once and for all, either I fuck her and get her out of my head or decide to forgive her and move on from the hatred.
Maybe both.
Forgiveness feels like the hardest thing to do and in a way I feel like I am betraying my sister. She didn’t deserve to die and she should be the one making her way here to hang out with the family she loved and her friends.
My dad’s house is dark when I arrive, I look to my dashboard, and the clock says just after midnight. It’s Friday night so I would assume everyone is sleeping. I pull out my phone to text Amelia and instead hover over Ivy’s name.
Yes, I have her number, yes, I want to text her, and yes again, I stole it from my sister’s phone.
Me: You up?
I wait for a few minutes and when she doesn’t reply, I make my way to her house. I can’t see the house from the road and her gate is shut tight with fucking privilege. I rest my head on the wheel and breathe through my irritation.
My phone pings beside me and I scramble to pick it up.
Ivy: Who is this?
Right, she doesn’t have my number, I should’ve thought of that. She’s probably thinking it’s one of her rotations hoping for a titty pic. I groan at my thoughts and again try to breathe out the irritation. What am I even doing here?
Before I can even turn the car around, my phone pings again.
Ivy: Leave me alone.
Huh?
Me: It’s Neil.
Why the fuck did I do that? The phone pings again.
Ivy: Neil Jones?
Me: No another Neil.
I laugh when I see she sent me the middle finger emoji.
Ivy: What do you want?
Me: Who are you telling to leave you alone?
Ivy: You?
I snort and scrub my hand down my face.
Me: Do you want me to leave you alone?
Am I fucking flirting with the girl who murdered my sister?
Ivy: Not at all.
Me: Good. I wasn’t planning on it.
Yes, I fucking am.
Ivy: How’s work
