I never want to see him again but I can’t tell him that because he has too much on me and if my family found out, they would disown me in an instant.
“I don’t know when I’ll be in New York again.” I whisper.
“Your mother is here often, no?”
“Yes, sir.” I whisper, my voice betraying my anxiety.
“I’m sure you will figure it all out, I bought a new red tie and I want to see if it is indeed a match for human blood. Goodnight.” He hangs up the phone.
I am stunned with the phone still to my ear and my heart pounding. How the fuck do I get out of this one?
I fucked her raw.
I’ve never fucked a female raw, I’ve always been meticulous about that shit, and I know what it’s like being raised in a broken home, I never wanted to carry on that cycle. I need to make sure she’s protected and if she’s not we need to get her the morning after pill.
I slap myself on the forehead and turn to groan into my pillow. Ivy gets me so worked up that I lose all fucking common sense. I can’t lose that, I have a future planned, and it doesn’t involve broken homes and baby mamas.
Worrying about it now will do nothing, what’s done is done, and if she doesn’t agree to a pill, then I’ll respect that. But I need her to agree to a pill because she isn’t looking for a fucking relationship. Do I want a fucking relationship? Do I want one with Ivy?
Fuck, I don’t know. I’m still hung up on Charlotte and what happened to her. It’s conflicting and confusing every emotion that is associated with Ivy Greene. Life is so fucking complicated.
“So,” Amelia smirks from across the table. “Where did you run off to last night?”
“Just went for a drive.” I shrug.
“We really appreciate you being here with us, Neil.” Shay pats my hand.
I actually want to be in Whitsborough for the first time since I was thirteen years old and it has everything to do with one fiery girl who sets my soul ablaze.
“You were out pretty late.” Amelia keeps pressing and I shoot her a look.
“Amelia, stop it. Neil is a grown man, he can come and go as he pleases.” Shay chastises her.
“I think Neil has a girlfriend.” She taunts and my chest seizes.
“Really?” Shay looks at me with a wide smile.
“Nope, your daughter has some strange ideas.” I shake my head.
“Amelia is bored, clearly.” Shay tsks as she stands from the table.
“Were you with Ivy last night?” Amelia leans across the table to whisper to me.
“No.” I roll my eyes.
“Are you two together now?”
“Amelia, stop.” I implore.
I get up from the table and head to my room but instead stop at Charlotte’s. I open the door, walk in, and softly close it behind me. In this room, I feel closer to my sister and it doesn’t help the pain settling itself once more in my chest.
I can’t take back my decisions and even if I could, I don’t think I would. I need to admit to myself that I want Ivy Greene and what better place to do that than in the room of the girl I promised to avenge. I miss Charlotte and I love her but holding onto anger for so long is damaging.
It changes a person, sends them down a darkened path, and it’s hard to navigate your way back out. Right now, my heart feels loyal to Charlotte, but there’s also something growing for Ivy and I can’t deny it much longer.
I sit on Charlotte’s bed and look around her clean room. I try to bring back my memories of her and try to pick out points that coincide with what Amelia was saying. Dad thought she was on drugs, Amelia called her a mean girl, and I just can’t picture any of it. Charlotte was sweet with me, always ready for an adventure, and always wanting to be by Ivy’s side.
“Charlotte, you have to forgive me.” I whisper into her room. “I need to know you forgive me.”
I hear the door open and Amelia steps in. “I thought I heard someone in here.”
“I feel lost.” I shake my head.
“I think we all did at one point.” She whispers. “But Charlotte is gone, Neil. She’s not here to dictate your life and I would like to believe she’d want you happy.”
I want to believe that, too. I want to somehow feel that she’s accepting everything and somehow that I have her approval. It’s hard to move on without it. The guilt is tearing me up inside and it will come between Ivy and I eventually. Charlotte will come between us if we don’t figure shit out.
“You can’t live your life for your dead sister.” Amelia says and even though the words are harsh, I understand their meaning.
She’s right of course, I need to start living for me, and I need to start letting go of my grief for my sister. Before I can do that, I need to speak to the other people that knew her, I clearly have an incorrect image, and I need to reconcile that. It’s not to paint her in a bad light, it’s to put her in her own light, and see her for who she really was. I’ll love her regardless.
“You need to talk to Ivy about Charlotte,” Amelia says, like she’s reading my mind. “She knew her best I would think.”
That’s a hard dig but again not something I can deny. Charlotte grew from a child to a teenager with Ivy and I would also assume she knew her best.
“How about you tell me more about how she was with you?” I look at Amelia and her face pinches.
“There’s a lot of bad there.” She whispers. “Are you sure you want to
