“Just asked if I’d be stalking.” He shrugs. “Figured I wouldn’t let him down.”
There it is again, the slight quirk of my mouth, and then the overwhelming need to cry. Not because I’m sad, but because for the first time ever, someone has been able to reach me through my fog of depression and slowly draw me out.
“Oh,” he snaps his fingers and reaches into his jacket, “I brought a list of movies I like and thought we could try to have a marathon. I assume you have Netflix?” He looks at me over his shoulder.
I nod.
“Great. I ordered pizza, you can have the Hawaiian because I think it’s blasphemy to put pineapples on pizza. Saxon and I will have the meat lovers.”
“Saxon?” My voice is raspy.
“He’s been my spy inside.” He nods.
Seriously? Saxon? He sees the look on my face and grins.
“We’re besties now.”
“Besties sound like something adolescent girls scream at slumber parties.” Saxon’s monotone words hit me from behind.
“You’re an adolescent.” Neil raises his brow.
“Are we going to paint our nails and sing Taylor Swift songs, too?” Saxon reaches the stair I’m sitting on and pats my head.
“I like Taylor Swift.” Neil gives Saxon a confused look as he passes him and goes to the family room.
“Figured as much.” Saxon retorts.
“He’s fucking mean.” Neil looks at me with shock and a chuckle escapes me.
“Yeah, he can be.” I nod.
About a half an hour later, our pizzas arrive and the three of us settled in to watch Transformers, the first movie on Neil’s list. There are six of these movies and Neil says we have to watch all of them.
By the third movie, I am nudging a sleeping Saxon, and telling him to go to bed. Neil is also looking a bit tired but I’m used to little sleep.
Saxon gets up and drags his feet out of the room, heading to bed and Neil restarts the movie. When Neil and I were kids and Charlotte, too, we would always watch movies. They were my first friends outside of family and the three of us had a bond until Neil matured, refusing to chill with us girls anymore.
Sitting here with him, watching movies, and eating pizza, is both heartwarming and heartbreaking. I miss Charlotte and at the same time I can feel something solidifying between Neil and me.
He senses my eyes on him and turns to look at me, quirking a brow.
“What?” He asks.
“Do you have full sleeve tattoos, too?”
“Nah,” he shakes his head. “Ma would kill me. Just my chest and back so I can cover them when I’m a doctor.”
“You still want to be a surgeon?” I’m surprised because I remember him saying that when we were younger.
“No,” he chuckles. “Sports medicine now.”
“Wow, that’s impressive.”
“What about you Ivy? What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“Race Car driver.” I reply.
“Still?” He has a huge smile on his face.
“Yeah, but Mom says I have to go to college for something. So, I’m going to major in business.” I shrug.
“Nice.” He smiles.
“What are they?”
“Huh?”
“Your tattoos, I saw them briefly… before,” I gesture towards the kitchen and then feel my face heat when he grins.
“I have a lot of things for family on my chest and then my back is a full dragon.”
“That’s cool.” I nod.
We settle back into the movie and by the fifth movie, he’s snoring softly beside me. I turn off the TV and stand from the couch, nudging him with my foot.
“Sorry.” He stretches and his shirt crawls up his stomach.
I panic a little because what if he thinks this is like his last few visits and he wants a quick fuck before he leaves? I can feel the blood drain from my face and my chest begin to tighten in fear.
He stands and his brows come together in the center when he looks over my face.
“You look like you’re going to be sick, Ivy.” He reaches out to touch my face and I stumble back a few steps.
“I can’t sleep with you right now.” I blurt out and then slap my hands over my mouth.
“What?” He looks confused. “I didn’t come here for that. Is that why you think I’m here?”
“I just…” I begin to shake my head and my vision blurs as my eyes fill with tears.
“I’m going to text you when I get home.” He walks by me and heads to the front door. “Then I’m going to text you tomorrow. Answer me okay?”
He’s putting on his boots and jacket.
“Okay.” I whisper.
“Goodnight, Ivy. Make sure you close the gate behind me.”
Then he’s out of the house and I feel like I can breathe once again.
Ivy was triggered by something physical.
I can see it in all her reactions and I don’t know how to make her confide in me. I can’t tell if it’s something that happened recently or an older incident, but Ivy is showing classic signs of PTSD. This isn’t regular depression.
I get home and the house is quiet, Shay and Amelia must be sleeping. I shoot a quick text to my mom and then head up to my room.
Once I’m in bed, I fire off what will be the beginning of my efforts in getting Ivy to open up to me.
Me: When we were younger, Charlotte and I begged Mom for a dog.
Me: After months of bothering her, Mom agreed and we got a puppy. It was from the shelter so we didn’t know what type it was.
Me: But this puppy got BIG. He also had a vicious streak when it came to his food.
Ivy: I remember.
I’m glad she remembers because I’m hoping she can somehow connect to this story and open up to me.
Me: He bit me one day when I was feeding him. I have the scars on my wrist still.
Ivy: I remember Charlotte saying you had to get rid of the dog.
Me: I am still afraid of dogs.
She doesn’t immediately text me back and I hope she realizes what I
