“Oh no,” Emlyn said. “We were to expect you. A deer man came and told us you were lost. A crew of Eilian set out to locate you.”
“Deer man? Eilian?”
“We’re the Eilian,” Emlyn said. “You’re in East Eilian Village. The tegyd are the deer men. They had a premonition concerning you. Wanted us to help you.”
“That reminds me! I must call off the search.” Hadyn left the hut.
“I’m surprised he remembered,” Emlyn said. “They might have been looking for you for three more days before he put a halt to it.”
“Why’d they have a premonition about me?”
“Oh, who in the world knows why? They’re a bunch of lofty-headed daydreamers. Every so often they ask for our help. You know, to uphold the balance of nature or something. They said you’d be in the forest, and well, here you are.”
Shock was one way to describe it—that I was important enough for someone to seek me out… after the hellish things I’d been through? Why would anyone care? Tears beaded at the corners of my eyes.
“Now, don’t cry. Everything’s all right.” Emlyn patted my hand.
“Nothing will ever be all right,” I sobbed.
“Why don’t you tell me about it, and we can see what needs to be done to make things better.”
I nodded, not sure where to start or what was safe to tell her. “I need a new life. Someone out there wants to hurt me, so I can’t stay long. I don’t want to endanger you.”
Emlyn assured me we were safe in the trees. Enchantments protected the inhabitants. I relaxed enough for her to persuade me to stay for a month while I healed physically.
Healing mentally and emotionally was another story.
As light grew in my womb, I worried for my child. I still felt too close to Caedryn. I woke at night in a cold sweat. I had to travel farther away. Distance was what I wanted.
I cried during the day. I wandered along the bridges, sometimes hiding in a quiet alcove behind a hut to cry. More often than not, an Eilian found me and ushered me inside to eat. They talked with enthusiasm over everything, and I ate whatever they placed in front of me to keep from crying.
I only wanted escape. Silence with my own torturing thoughts.
They wouldn’t let me have it.
“You must eat to keep your strength up,” Emlyn said. “I don’t care who’s broken your heart or who’s dead or who’s missing. If you don’t have your health, then everything is much harder.”
She did have a point.
I needed to stay healthy for my child. Caedryn’s child. He or she would be like Caedryn. Half-darkness and half-light. The thought pinned fear into the pit of my stomach.
My heart had broken for the last time. I thought I could make a life with Caedryn. As twisted as he was, it would have worked if his jealousy didn’t drive him into madness.
I had loved him. I knew I had. But that love was destroyed. I still missed his touch. Our short life together was etched into my nightmares. I understood why Caedryn had been haunted. Something about the makeup of an emrys caused me to replay the worst of my memories. Without the healing abilities of light, my mistakes would always disturb me.
I needed an emrys healer. I needed Catrin. How I missed her!
I wouldn’t even mind seeing Aneirin.
I gave up everything because I was restless. I gave up my friends and my family because I wanted adventure.
I gave up my home.
I was homeless.
And Gorlassar was warm. I wished for spring rains and summer breezes. The bees’ hum and the frolic of dragons. I wished for galas and tournaments and university. I wished for my mother’s hug and even my father’s approval.
I’d never have that again.
I wished for light.
What I needed was my light. A pinprick of light had grown in my heart-center over the three weeks I stayed with the Eilian. The amount was so diminutive the light couldn’t be harnessed, but I thanked my stars I possessed even that small amount.
I rubbed my stomach. The babe was growing, although a bump was not yet showing. I didn’t tell my kind hosts anything about my pregnancy.
The plan was to leave before anyone found out.
I kept touching my neck, feeling for my dragon stone. I prayed with all my might that Kenrik had summoned Seren and she’d take him to Gorlassar.
Kenrik. Oh, Kenrik.
My light was in a mortal. It had given him greater strength. Healed him nearly instantly. What will become of you? How long would Caedryn pursue him? How long would the bond last between them? I wanted to save Kenrik from my life, from loving me. I wanted to keep from being a rift between him and his family.
With my light in him, he couldn’t go home. He’d endanger his family. He couldn’t visit Brenin again. A marriage with Tiwlip was impossible.
I’m so sorry, Kenrik. Forgive me. Deian, please forgive me. I’ve doomed everyone I’ve come to love.
The worst heartbreak was my broken bond between Seren and me. Would I ever see her again? I was no longer a dragon guardian. I no longer felt that kinship with her. She no longer possessed my unending life. Maybe Kenrik would return the stone to Seren, and she could start again. I should have told him to do that.
So many regrets. I was doing everything wrong.
I shouldn’t have left Gorlassar.
It was entirely too late to have foolish wishes. The only way to go was forward.
I felt peace in that small decision.
SEVENTY-TWO
I stayed with my generous hosts for four
