He spat his words into my ear. “You are mine. If light can’t bind us, darkness will!”
I had been frozen by every fear in my life, but the fear of being bound to Caedryn through the darkness was the worst of all. The ugly sludge would bring an unrest I couldn’t be free of. I’d never have forgiveness for accepting the darkness. I’d never be washed from the guilt of my indiscretions while at Caedryn’s side. I’d be dirty forever.
I didn’t want any of that. Caedryn’s darkness might fill me up, but this power wasn’t for me.
“Daughter of Darkness. Fallen Emrys,” Caedryn purred.
“I. Am. A. Daughter. Of. Light!”
“What did you think would happen as you gave yourself to me?” Caedryn roared. “You would have turned to the darkness eventually. Embrace it.”
“It’s not possible. I am light!”
“You were light.”
My light was gone. I felt nothing. I was unable to discern anything. I had truly given all my light to Kenrik.
That meant I was scrubbed free of Caedryn.
But his darkness was winning, pushing its way into my body.
Caedryn whispered in my ear while stroking my head. “It will be over quickly, my love, and we’ll be united forever.”
He was insane. Completely. I couldn’t hope to save him. Not anymore.
“I’ve used the darkness for hundreds of years.” Caedryn spoke in a reverent hush. “It’s magnificent. Darkness is greater than light. You will come to know of its glory—its power to create in a way the Master of Light can’t.”
“Please don’t do this,” I mumbled.
“I must, dearest. I must.” He continued to purr to me, to run his fingers over my hair.
A sadistic glee filled his brown eyes as my world grew dark. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. Deian, fight for me. I have no hope. I am lost. What’s left for me? Give me a reason to restore my light!
A fire blazed in the pit of my stomach. I caught my breath, and I laughed. My child was light! Like cold metal pinging as it expanded from flame, the light from my child tingled and pricked until it threaded my heart-center.
Everything became clear. My purpose, my life. As an immortal being, I floundered to understand my existence, asking what the point of living forever was. But I had my child—she would be my enabling power. Everyone else who had been a part of my life flashed into my mind. I had helped them, and they had helped me. Aneirin, Catrin, Seren, Owein, Arnall and the caravan, the bricklayer, Sorfrona, Kelyn, and Kenrik. The residents in the city. The people in the charred village. All their faces filled me. They were a part of me.
And yet, they were not me.
I had sought for happiness that was tangible. Happiness someone could give me, but I needed to give my happiness away to others. Lose myself to find myself. The only person to make me feel alive, to awaken my soul, and to understand who I was, was me.
I clung to these truths as Deian showed them to me.
“Niawen!” A strong voice filled the cell.
I can be happy with just me. With or without my light. Turmoil has been swirling around me for so long, but peace can be found in the midst of it. Peace because I am a good person. Peace because I know who I am. Peace because, no matter what, I’ll die conquering!
Somewhere in the darkness I found hope as my child’s light crept through me. I latched on to the feeling as my spirit had the distinct feeling of moving up.
I’m a blank slate. This is a new beginning.
The voice boomed. “NIAWEN!”
Hope.
Peace.
I can be pure.
I am pure.
I jolted.
A release of pressure. Lightness. I drifted skyward, free.
My salvation was too late. Floating upward didn’t feel like life, it felt like moving on.
SIXTY-SIX
“Niawen, Niawen, you must wake,” Kenrik said. “Please tell me I haven’t lost you.”
I snapped up as shifting and bouncing jarred my body. I spasmed and reached around the firmest thing available—Kenrik’s shoulders. He had lifted me into his arms.
“You’re walking!” I glanced behind as he strode from the chamber that had been his prison.
Caedryn was crumpled on the floor in his place. Legs at odd angles.
“What did you do?” I asked.
“I couldn’t resist paybacks for the weeks of torture, the black heart,” Kenrik said.
As we came to the corridor’s end, we heard voices. The guards in the front chamber to the dungeon.
Kenrik set me down. “I’ll dispatch them.”
“How?” I grabbed his hand.
Kenrik studied my face. “It seems your light has done more than heal my body. I took Caedryn down with ease. Three guards will be no match.”
“But you’re not an emrys.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Perhaps not, but I feel remnants of you.” He scowled. “And him. Wait here.”
Remnants of me. Kenrik wasn’t connected to me. He was feeling what had been me. What was no longer me.
As the guards scuffled with Kenrik around the corner, I braced myself against the wall, considering. Kenrik carried my light, which was a mix of Caedryn’s as well. He would be a beacon for evil unless Caedryn was killed.
Kenrik rushed back. “I fear we’ll meet more resistance on the way out. Caedryn has many men loyal to him.”
“I’m well aware of that.”
Kenrik was about to lift me into his arms.
“Wait. We must kill Caedryn, or he’ll hunt you down.” I couldn’t believe I was uttering those words. He was still my husband.
I think he’s still my husband. At this point, I didn’t know what giving my light away meant. I was free of that spiritual bond, but the physical union we shared couldn’t be undone. Half a
