“Stupid. I’m stupid.”
“You seem to have a notion in your head to run.” Kenrik coughed. “That running is always the solution. Stay with us. Stay with me. Fight. Face your fears. Come home.”
Home. I hated that word.
I found his face, his jawline. My fingers flitted over the unshaven skin, memorizing the angles and creases. I’d never forget his misery. Never.
Kenrik held my palm and kissed it. “You don’t know what I felt as I watched you heal my mother, as I held on to you. I knew if I found someone like you, I’d be at peace. Apparently I was in error. You left, and you tore a hole in my heart. Then I saw you in the distance, flying toward the palace. I didn’t dare hope you’d come back. As you flew past the city, I marked your path. As I gathered supplies, my family begged me to remain. I left them all.”
“Why would you risk the journey with winter coming? They’re worried sick. Kelyn is looking for you. Let’s get you out of here. I’ll call Seren. We’ll take you home.”
Seren. Seren?
“I traveled for weeks to arrive here,” Kenrik mumbled.
He suffered for weeks while I was safe. He was cold while I was protected. “How did you know I was here?”
“I didn’t have to guess. Caedryn’s men captured me after I passed over the mountains, and then it no longer mattered.”
“How long have you been here?” I was horrified. I was too overwhelmed in my self-loathing to realize my dear friend was right under my feet, imprisoned. Because of me.
“I no longer know. Weeks.”
I gasped. “Kenrik, forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. I’m at peace, having seen you once again.”
A voice spoke from across the room. “Such touching, heart-wrenching words. Niawen, you love this man. What of our love? What of our child?”
I didn’t bother to give Caedryn a glance. Kenrik’s expression shattered what remained of my dignity.
“You’re with child? Niawen?” Kenrik asked. “Tell me that’s not true.”
“I can’t.”
“That’s right,” Caedryn said. “You gave me the vows of love. We united our light. You lay in my arms night after night. Our love is binding.”
I rounded on Caedryn. I was afraid to meet his eyes. Afraid of what I might see. Would his light be swallowed up? “Why would you doubt? Why would you torture Kenrik? I gave you my soul. You saw everything in me. And even after we bonded, even after we promised to share everything, to never hide anything from one another, you kept secrets anyway. You should have told me about Kenrik before you tortured him. I could have reassured you I was going nowhere!”
“I warned you.”
“Of course you warned me!” I screeched. “You’re dangerous. You’re half-darkness. ‘Niawen, you can have a clean slate. You’re free to do as you wish. But I need you. I need you. Please, Niawen. Please.’ You enslaved me with your words. You tortured me! I had nowhere left to go, and you used that for your purposes.”
“What’s wrong with needing each other? We were made for each other, Niawen. You and I. The same.”
“No! We were never the same. You made me think we were.” I shook my head. “Lies. All falsehoods. You can’t possibly know what real love is. People don’t live for others to love them, people live to give their love away. Which is what I was doing!” I turned away and dropped beside Kenrik. “Leave me, Caedryn. I’m going to heal Kenrik, and then I’m taking him home.”
“I won’t allow that.”
“You will if you love me.” Seren, please answer my pleas. I’ve found Kenrik. You must help him!
Kenrik reached up, and I turned my face into his caress. “You’d come with me? You would stay with me?”
“I can’t. I’m bound to Caedryn.”
Yes, you are bound to me, my love, Caedryn said.
Let me take him away. I’ll return to you.
“You can’t stay with him,” Kenrik said. “He’ll hurt you. He’ll turn his rage on you one day. And on your child.”
I’d never hurt you or our child, Caedryn said. I’ve wanted you for so long. Niawen, believe me. You know me. You knew who I was and whom you were binding yourself to. You swore you’d help me through my nightmares. Our love is unconditional.
“Look at me, Niawen. I can’t move my legs! He did this!” Kenrik exclaimed.
I cried out as Kenrik’s emotions ripped into the muscles in my chest.
“You feel my pain, don’t you?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Tell me how to free you from Caedryn. Niawen, tell me. I will do it. Surely there’s a way to break the bond.”
“There’s not,” I said.
“You told me light discerns light,” Kenrik said. “You told me emrys see with their light. That’s how you found the enemy. That’s how you knew the villagers were being attacked. You heal with your light. Everything about you uses light. You united your light. It holds you bound to Caedryn, doesn’t it?”
“Yes.”
Kenrik’s voice lowered. “Without light, you’d be free.”
“Yes.” Kenrik had a point. Our lights were bound, but what if I took my light out? Removed the sphere just as Caedryn and I did when we exchanged light? Then I wouldn’t feel him.
No emrys had ever unbound themselves from another. I was crazy to consider it.
Caedryn edged closer. “I don’t know what you’re proposing, but that’s impossible. Niawen’s mine. She will always be a part of me, and I, a part of her. As will her
