I also eventually learned what a friend isnot. Someone who is not a friend is someone who will talk about you behind your back or a person who would take from you when they know you don’t have much. A person who is not a real friend may also hit or harm you. When I was younger, “hit or harm” referred to physical actions, but now that I have grown, I realize that people who are your friends would never hurt or harm your reputation by saying anything that would be damaging to you or your career. A real friend would never physically hurt you, of course, but more importantly they would never hurt your chances of progressin’ and takin’ it to the next level. A real friend knows what your dreams for yourself are, and they would do anything they could to help you reach your goals, whether they are professional or personal. That is what true friendship is.
I have to say that my experience with friendships may be unique, because I have had this crazy experience of leaving home to go sing, and so much of my life changed as a result of winning this singing competition. I have the unique situation of becoming “famous” in my late teens and early twenties, when all maturing adults are learning what real friendship is. To be honest, the past year has taken a toll on my friendships, which is something that happens to everyone who goes through a big life change. Events like this just show you who your real friends are, and they show you who was never your friend in the first place. The people who weren’t your friends before and want to be your friends now are always the ones to avoid at all times!
My real friends have stuck around and stood behind me during all of it. And now that I have this “fame” thing, they call me just like nothing ever happened. Even though I may have a new phone number and a new cell phone number, they can still call me just like they always did, just like they did when I lived in the Farmington Apartments. I may not be home as much, my house might be a little bigger, but when they get me—they getME. My real friends call and ask the same things, like who I’m datin’, what does he look like? And what shoes have I bought lately? They tell me about their baby daddies and what’s going on in Farmington and the new shoes they saw at the mall. It is just like it always was. My true friends have my back. My true friends want to know all about what I’m doing on the road besides singin’. My true friends don’t envy me—they just see my new work as a new job that takes a lot out of me. They see me as having a job that includes signing thousands of autographs. My real friends care about me and ask if I’m getting enough rest. My real friends know that sometimes I can’t call them just because I’m catching up on sleep or just trying to have a moment of peace. My real friends know that singin’ is my dream come true. My real friends are happy for me.
Speakin about “real friends,” even my family can’t believe that Toya is still my best friend. Toya is my friend from back in the day. She is from Orangeburg, South Carolina—the deep country. Toya used to be wild, and she used to fight all the time. Toya first met Kima and they used to hang out together. One time, we all went out together and Toya and I realized we were very much alike. We laughed loudly and we were both real. Toya and I started doing a bunch of things together, like getting drunk and going out to meet men or just hanging out at home. We got loud when we got together. People could hear us and feel us a mile away. Toya and I were known as the party girls of High Point.
The thing I love about Toya is that although my life started to change I didn’t have to pretend to be any way with her. She was just the truth all the time. She never pretended about nothin’. When she was broke, she would say it. When she had a new man, she told me about him, not worrying that I would take him. When she didn’t have a new man and needed one, she would say, “I am lookin’ for a man tonight.” She was
