“What the fuck is that? Are you mocking me?”
“What? No, man. I was just—“
“You’ve been on my shit list for years. Don’t make me kill you,” he scowled.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Look,” Joe pleaded. “That was years ago.”
“What happened?” Mary Anne asked.
“He slept with my wife,” Hunter ground out.
The crowd burst into chatter. People were shoving their way forward to get a better view of what was happening.
“You slept with his wife?” Sofia gasped.
“It wasn’t like that! It was just a little foreplay. I swear!”
Hunter twisted his arm up harder and Joe cried out. “I should kill you right now,” he hissed.
“Please don’t do that,” Jack said dryly. “As much as I would love to take someone downtown, I was kind of hoping for a relaxing day.”
Corduroy shrugged. “I say you let him do it. You know, for old times sake.”
“Old times sake? I never did anything to you, asshole!”
“You know, this was not what I had in mind when I set up this wedding,” Andrew’s mother said. She slapped her husband on the arm. “Do something.”
He just grunted. “It’ll all work out.”
“I can’t believe you slept with a married woman!” Sofia shouted.
“Again, I didn’t sleep with her. I just had some fun. And they weren’t married! They weren’t even dating!”
“Are you getting all this?” Mary Anne asked the person next to her.
“Yep, live streaming on the town Facebook page.”
I sighed, turning to Andrew. “Are you sure you want to do this? Maybe we should run away and find someplace else to live.”
“And miss all the fun?” he grinned.
Hunter finally released Joe and he rubbed his shoulder, shooting Hunter a dirty look. “You’d better watch it. I’ll send Sofia after you.”
“Ooh, I’m really scared,” Hunter said, wiggling his fingers at Joe.
“Yeah, you might want to have threatened him with Carly,” Derek nodded.
“Can we get on with this?” Eric said exasperatedly.
“Fine, Joe, any last words?”
Joe glared at him, but turned to Sofia. “Princess, I promise to love, honor, and cherish you for the rest of my life. I never thought I would find a woman that changed me so completely, and even though you tried to kill me with Pine Sol, I’ll still look past that and see the woman that saved my life. That’s what you did when you came into my life. You made me whole. You made me see this side of life that was empty before you. And now my life is so full, it’s like I was blind before you came along. And now that I have you—“
“Oh my God!” Hunter groaned. “Can we move on now? What the hell was that? You’re literally raping my ears with that shit.”
Joe glared at him, but Sofia was smiling. “Joe, I promise all the same stuff that you promised me, but I also promise not to kill you with Pine Sol. I also promise to not burn down any more of your family’s kitchens. I promise to be careful walking down the stairs, but I still demand my chocolate covered granola bars whenever I want. And as long as you give me that, we’ll be perfectly happy.”
Andrew turned to me with a grin. “It’s our turn. You ready for this?”
I scoffed. “I think we can do better than that.”
His eyes gleamed. “Challenge accepted. Lorelei, despite the fact that I thought you were a serial killer, I couldn’t help falling in love with you. And even though every time we had sex, I thought it would be the last time I ever saw daylight, I knew that it was all worth it. I promise to always shove you out of the way of random cars that try to run us down, and I’ll make sure I have bear spray on me at all times. Oh, and I’ll start carrying a gun in case anyone decides to try and kill you with an axe.”
“Nice,” I grinned. “Well, since you thought I was going to kill you from the start, I guess things were a little rocky for us. Honestly, I was using you in the beginning, but it was the most fun I’ve ever had. And now that I know that you’re afraid of flowers, frozen peas, and pain medication, I’ll make sure to bring them to you just to freak you out. Oh, and I promise not to drop any more tubs on your head. Or throw any wrenches at you. And I also promise that I’ll take out a really good life insurance policy after we’re married so that we’re covered in case of any random freak accidents.”
“That goes double for me,” he added.
“Great,” Hunter said. “This has been…awkward as hell. Are we done now? Can we go home?”
“You have to pronounce them husband and wife,” Derek said. “Or husbands and wives?”
“Right, what he said. You’re married!”
A round of cheers went up and Andrew pulled me in for a kiss. Yeah, it was a little weird to be married, but it felt right, so I was just going along for the ride. When he pulled back, I heard Mary Anne say, “That was by far the strangest wedding I’ve ever seen.”
“Hey,” Derek cut in. “We had superheroes at our wedding.”
“Yeah, and gangs that came to kill us,” Claire added. “Have you ever killed someone with a candlestick holder?”
“Um…No, I can’t say that I have,” Mary Anne said.
Ma rushed forward with a few of the townspeople, handing out glasses and pouring champagne. “To my boys! All married!”
Andrew raised his glass. “And to me, the only responsible brother of all of us, that didn’t have a kid, knock someone up, or any of the above before I got married!”
“Hey,” Derek snapped. “Claire’s not pregnant yet.”
Andrew looked out at the crowd. “The only brother that still lives here that didn’t do that shit!”
He shouted as he raised his glass, but all I could do was count back in my head, and suddenly, I wasn’t so sure his
