“You look like shit.”
I knew I did. I’d barely slept the night before, and it been a long and difficult day.
“I guess I look like I feel.”
“What’s going on with you?” She started to move closer but stopped when I held my hand up.
“Please, I need to say this, and I won’t be able to if I can feel your heat or smell your coconut scent.”
“Oh.” She curled up on her end of the couch with her arms wrapped around her knees. “What is it you want to tell me?”
“After the other night, I realized I’m not who I thought I was. There’s so much darkness and pain inside of me just waiting to get out, and I can’t let it infect you the way it has me.”
Her glassy eyes locked on mine. “What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.”
“I thought we could be together. That we’d...but we can’t. I’m sorry, Stella, but I won’t be another person in your life who tries to ruin the beautiful soul I see shining back at me. I wish your light could cut through my darkness, but no, I’m too damaged.” I swallowed the emotion that formed in my throat. The devastation written on her face as she continued to look at me nearly had me changing my mind, but I knew I’d only ruin her, and I wouldn’t do that to her.
Standing, I moved until I was in front of her and cupped her face in my hands. “Forget about me and find a man who isn’t damaged beyond repair.” Leaning down, I closed my eyes and kissed her soft pouty lips one last time.
“Are you breaking up with me?” Her chin trembled a little more with each word she spoke.
Running my hand along her jaw, I soaked in the way she felt under my touch. “I’m setting you free from the darkness.”
She opened her mouth. Surely a protest on her tongue, but I hushed her with a finger.
“Goodbye, Stella. I wish I could have been what you needed.” Before she could speak or try to talk me out of what I’d done, I left.
The taxi was waiting for me. I didn’t want to go back to the station, but I had nowhere to go. I was alone again. As soon as my time in California was up, I’d go back to my father, who I knew once again would be disappointed in my choice to cut Stella out of my life.
Instead of going inside, I sat out on a bench by the volleyball court and looked up at the stars. It had been months since I’d done that when before it was a nightly occurrence.
I missed the tranquility of it.
As the moon started to head for the horizon, I picked myself up and went inside. What was done was done, and I had to live with it. Even if Stella was the best thing to ever happen to me.
19
Stella
“What do you mean, he broke up with you? I wasn’t gone long enough for him to come into your life and walk right back out. I didn’t even get to meet the jackass,” Lexie growled out as she brushed my matted hair away from my face, reminding me of the time when Remy had done the exact same thing. A new round of tears started.
“Just what I told you,” I cried. “He had a nightmare one night, and after that, he wasn’t the same. The next time I saw him, he ended it. Something about darkness and light.” I hung my head. “I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”
I’d run over everything in my head at least a million times since he walked out the door that night over a week ago. I’d tried to text him, but he never responded. Eventually, the messages never even said delivered. I wasn’t sure if he turned off his phone or changed his number to avoid me. Either way, I knew then it was over, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. If you had told me how bad it was, I would have come back sooner.”
Wrapping my arms around my middle, I tried to hold in the aching pain that was permanently etched into my heart. “I couldn’t ask you to skip out on a job because I got my feelings hurt.”
“They’re more than a little hurt, Stella. You’re a wreck.” She scooted closer to me on the couch and wrapped an arm around me. “You could have a least called me. I swear you’ve lost ten pounds while I’ve been gone, and you look like you haven’t slept.” Probably because both were true. Food was unappealing, and sleep rarely found me. When I did sleep, I dreamt of Remy walking out on me over and over again. Reliving it every time my eyes closed had me consuming copious amounts of coffee each day.
“Have you talked to Pen yet?” she asked quietly.
“No,” my chin wobbled, and I knew I was close to losing it again. When I woke up the next day after crying myself to sleep, I knew I couldn’t stay at Pen’s place any longer, so I packed everything back in my car and drove home. The worst of the danger was over, and all I wanted to do was be somewhere I wouldn’t see Remy everywhere I looked. Once I got home, I fell onto my couch and had been there ever since. It felt like I hadn’t stopped crying since.
“What are you waiting for?”
“I don’t want her to leave the tour so she can come and pick up the pieces of my life once again. Pen deserves to be happy, and she’s finally found it.”
Resting her head to mine, Lexie spoke softly. “She is happy, but she’d still want to know. She’s your best friend. How would you feel if Pen and Walker broke
