The moment she got inside, closed the front door and turned on the kitchen light, tiredness and hunger washed over her. It had been a long day, driving all that way, followed by the detour to the beach. She couldn’t be bothered to cook anything, and her earlier dream of a Sunday roast would remain just that; she wasn’t going to go out again. She ate a bowl of cereal and watched Live at the Apollo but even that failed to make her laugh. She forced herself to not look at Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. She contemplated texting Finn but had no clue what to actually say, so she switched off her mobile.
However much Jenna wanted to make her decision permanent, it was far too late to phone her agent, particularly to give her bad news on a Sunday evening. Instead she went to bed and slept fitfully, with the thought that it was her last week of filming and she was about to turn down potentially the biggest opportunity of her life.
~
Jenna made the phone call on her hands free while driving to base the next morning. Beth wasn’t even in work yet, and they ended up having to hold the conversation while on her commute into central London.
‘I know I’m supposed to sign the contract for The Love Hotel when I’m back in London next week, but I can’t. I’ve thought long and hard about this, but I can’t be on the show. I don’t want the scrutiny, I don’t want to be talked about and pulled apart in the media in the way I have over the last couple of weeks. I’m so sorry, Beth. It’s just not for me, however much an opportunity it may be career-wise. I’m not going to commit to something when it feels so wrong.’
The disappointment in her agent’s voice was obvious. Ultimately Jenna knew it was her decision to make, and yet she couldn’t shake off the feeling that she was letting down herself, her agent, her friends, her ambition, even Milo bloody Blake for giving her the opportunity to begin with, however twisted that seemed. Yes, it was her life, her career, yet it also meant Beth losing out on fifteen per cent of a huge pay cheque. It was her agent’s career too. Maybe she was foolish. So many well-meaning friends had told her to jump at the chance and take the money. Who knew what opportunities that sort of high profile exposure would lead to? She’d been trying to live by the mantra of saying yes to everything even if it terrified her, but this opportunity had left her with a feeling of vulnerability. Being plastered over the front of Hot Now Magazine she’d experienced that kind of exposure and didn’t like it one bit.
Jenna clenched her fists, drew in a deep breath and expelled it slowly. She didn’t like letting people down, particularly Beth who’d worked so hard to get her to where she was in her career, but she couldn’t ignore her gut feeling. Whether she ended up regretting her decision in weeks or even years to come, she knew it was the right one to make. At least it was for now.
Chapter Twenty-Five
‘I can’t believe it’s our last week.’ Lily sat down with a thump opposite Jenna and Amanda, making her plate of Moroccan chicken and couscous jump a little on the tray. ‘I’m going to miss everything about it, the place, the filming, the cast and crew, but most of all you guys.’
‘We’ll all be back in London next week; we can still see each other. Friends forever, right?’ Jenna put her hand in the middle of the table and laughing, Amanda and Lily put theirs on top.
‘Too right, you’re not going to get rid of me that easily.’ Lily winked.
‘You are both staying until the end of the week though?’ Amanda bit into an apple. ‘I’m gutted I’m wrapping before you both,’ she said through a mouthful of fruit.
‘Well I’m wrapping tomorrow so it’s only one extra day. When do you finish again, Jen?’
‘Friday.’
Three more days of filming and then that would be it, her summer on a movie in Cornwall would be over and she’d be heading back to the smog and noise of London.
‘Can I join you?’
Apart from the familiarity of her voice, it was the waft of Marc Jacobs Daisy Dream perfume that let Jenna know it was Heidi standing behind her. She caught a knowing glance between Lily and Amanda.
‘If you like.’ Jenna motioned to the empty chair next to her.
Heidi put her plate on the table and sat next to Jenna. She opened the ring pull on her can of Diet Coke.
Their easy conversation had stopped, and Jenna could tell from Lily and Amanda’s expressions that they were at a loss at what to say. To make it even more awkward all they now needed was Milo to join them.
‘I wrap this afternoon,’ Heidi said, digging a fork into her chicken salad. ‘I’ve got a costume fitting and an audition in London on Thursday. Thought this might be the last chance we get to talk.’
‘Okay then, so talk.’ Jenna didn’t feel like making polite conversation with Heidi; but if she wanted to say something then she wasn’t going to stop her.
‘I miss talking to you, Jenna. I miss knowing what’s going on in your life...’
‘Everyone knows what’s going on in my life. It’s been splashed all over the internet.’
‘I mean what’s really going on with you.’
Jenna caught Lily’s eye from across the table. ‘There’s nothing going on besides working on this film and being at the cottage. That’s it, that’s my life – until I go home on the weekend. Then it’s back to the endless cycle of auditions, castings, meetings, filming, promo. Rinse, repeat. You know the drill.’ She moved the couscous around her plate, her appetite gone.
Lily started talking
