‘I know it is the way of the world, the way of our world at least, but when I was a young girl this wasn’t how I thought my entire future would be decided.’
‘You could say no to Leo,’ Mr Ashburton said quietly. He was looking down, as if not to put further pressure on her with his gaze. The words were probing enough.
‘No, I couldn’t. Not really.’ She exhaled forcefully and then added quickly, ‘Not that I want to say no, you understand, it is just it feels as though my whole life is being mapped out and I don’t have a say.’
‘Surely your mother would understand if you wanted to make a different choice.’
Beth considered whether to try to change the subject, but something about Mr Ashburton’s open, friendly face made her continue. ‘Things have not been easy since my father died. Not easy at all. There is my mother and sister to support and if I am honest it is either finding a husband or seeking employment as a companion or some such role.’ Beth laughed but it was without humour. ‘And you can imagine my mother’s opinion on paid employment.’
‘What about your sister?’
‘What about her?’ Beth couldn’t stop the sharp edge coming into her voice as it always did when someone asked about Annabelle.
‘Is she looking for a husband too?’
‘No.’
‘Surely she is also of an age to marry. It would lift some of your burden.’
‘Annabelle can’t...’ she said sharply, then closed her eyes for a moment to compose herself. ‘I’m sorry. Annabelle isn’t planning on marrying.’
Mr Ashburton regarded her for a moment and she saw the questions in his expression, but he just shrugged in that relaxed manner of his and moved on.
‘Forget about duty for a moment,’ Mr Ashburton said, holding up a hand to ward off her protests. ‘Difficult, I know, but just suspend reality for a few minutes. If you could have any life you chose, what would it be?’
Beth considered. For so long her future had been mapped out, prepared for her. Even before Mr Leonard Ashburton had been proposed as her future husband she had been brought up to be a wife and a mother, to run a household, to raise the children. Her hopes and her dreams had never been asked about, let alone considered when planning her life.
‘I’d like to travel, to ride across Europe on horseback, sail around Africa, to journey across the Atlantic and continue on from New York to the west coast.’
‘They’re big dreams.’
‘And entirely impossible.’ She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the images of all the places she wished to visit but most likely never would. ‘I do want to marry, to have children, to do all the normal things expected of me.’
‘But perhaps not yet,’ Mr Ashburton murmured.
‘How about you? You’re free, unfettered. What are your dreams?’
‘Not so free. As I mentioned, my guardian is expecting me back home in nine months. He’s stepping back and I will take over running the company. It’s what I’ve been working towards most of my life, but it is a big responsibility. There will be no time for anything else for the next few years.’
Beth nodded slowly. She was being self-indulgent. Everyone was trapped by their circumstances, the expectations of others and having to put practical considerations above emotional.
They walked in silence for a few minutes, taking one of the winding paths off the main walkway that led through a beautiful garden filled with trickling waterfalls and mossy green ferns. To the west the sun was setting, casting a burnt-orange glow to the sky. There was no one else in this part and Mr Ashburton led her towards the fountain in the middle of a little garden that was surrounded by a low stone wall. He sat and after a moment’s hesitation she did the same, feeling a sense of calm wash over her as she listened to the splash of the water behind them and watched the sun dropping in the sky in front of them.
‘It all doesn’t seem so bad when you stop a moment and watch something like this,’ she murmured.
Mr Ashburton’s eyes were on her and she felt the already familiar pull, as if she were being reeled in towards him despite Mr Ashburton not moving an inch.
‘I always sit and watch the sunset, ever since my first voyage to India twenty-five years ago.’
‘You used to watch it on the ship?’
‘Yes. I was a very sad little boy then. I adored my parents and they’d just died, and I’d been taken away from the brother I loved and looked up to.’
There was a hint of sadness in his eyes even now and Beth remembered her devastation at losing her own father five years earlier. She’d been much older than Mr Ashburton had been when he’d lost his parents and she’d still felt as though her world was falling apart. She liked that he was so open about his emotions, so willing to show the human side of himself. So many gentlemen were stiff and seemed as if they were keeping everything locked inside.
‘My guardian was very kind to me, but he’s also a very wise man. He didn’t rush my grief, didn’t push me to stop mourning my parents. I wanted to be on my own a lot, but each night on the ship he would find me after dinner, take me up to the deck and we would watch the sun set together.’
‘He sounds like a wonderful man.’
‘He is. He taught me to never underestimate the need for peace and tranquillity in your life. So every night, no matter how busy I am at
