Beth remained quiet for a moment, contemplating his words. ‘It’s something we do far too rarely,’ she murmured eventually, watching the sun start to fall beneath the horizon.
Soon there was just the orange hue left and the rapidly falling darkness.
‘Our lives are so different,’ Beth said, turning back to face Mr Ashburton to find him watching her. ‘You have purpose, an idea of your future, what your life will look like. For a long time I’ve felt as though I’ve just been waiting. Yet you are still better at appreciating the quiet moments. How can that be?’
‘Natural talent?’ He had a gleam in his eye and the hint of a smile on his lips.
‘That’s something to put in your obituary one day. “He was talented at being still.”’
‘Perhaps not what I’d like to be remembered for.’
‘What would you like to be remembered for?’
‘I’m too late to be the man who invents the steam engine or the hot-air balloon—perhaps I’ll have to be contented to be remembered as the man who brings the steam railway to India. One day the Usbourne Shipping and Transport Company will be at the forefront of the development of a countrywide steam railway network.’
Beth laughed. ‘Nothing too ambitious, then.’
‘I wouldn’t want to stretch myself.’
She wasn’t sure how but the distance between them seemed to be shrinking; his hand was almost touching hers where it rested on the stone surround of the fountain and she felt her body edging towards him, as well.
‘What would you like to be remembered for?’ He held her gaze as he waited for her to answer and, with his eyes fixed on hers, Beth found it hard to think of anything but the man next to her.
‘No one has ever asked that of me before. Are wives and mothers remembered past their children’s generation, perhaps their grandchildren’s?’ She shrugged her shoulders, a gesture her mother absolutely hated. ‘If I could do anything I suppose I’d like to travel the world and write about it. To become the person experiencing all these fabulous places rather than reading about them.’
‘That is a good ambition.’
It was getting dark quickly now, the sky turning from orange to black, and behind them the main path was lit up with the twinkling lights of the lamps. It was a romantic location, perfect for couples wanting something a little more private than a night at the opera or sharing a dance at a ball. She glanced at Mr Ashburton. It was his brother she should be here with, but she found she couldn’t regret it was Joshua Ashburton who had turned up at her house tonight.
‘You look thoughtful.’ Their hands were touching now, little finger to little finger, the contact sending warm bolts through her skin.
‘I was thinking how glad I am we’re here tonight.’ She paused and corrected herself. ‘How glad I am to be here with you.’
There was a moment where neither of them moved, and then Mr Ashburton’s hands were on her face, guiding her lips towards his. He kissed her hard, as if he knew this would be the only kiss they would share, as if the illicitness was driving him on. Beth felt every muscle in her body clench and tighten, and she gripped hold of him, willing him not to pull away. Never had she felt such desire. It flooded through her, threatening to drown her, and only once he pulled away slightly did she realise she hadn’t taken a breath for the whole time they’d been kissing.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, using one hand to tidy her hair where he must have tangled his fingers in it.
‘Don’t say sorry.’
He looked at her, and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her again, but then, with the most serious expression on his face she’d ever seen, he moved away.
‘I didn’t plan that,’ he said quietly. ‘I don’t want you to think I brought you here to...take advantage of you.’
‘I know.’ Of course, she believed him. There was an undeniable attraction between them, a pull that was difficult to ignore. She believed Mr Ashburton was an honourable man, just as she was normally a respectable young woman. They’d both been caught up in the moment. He trailed his fingers across her cheek, as if he couldn’t help but touch her, and Beth had the urge to sink into him, to feel his body against hers. There was a surge of desire in his eyes and then suddenly he dropped his hand and looked away.
‘Perhaps I’d better see you home.’
‘I don’t want to leave things like this. There doesn’t need to be any awkwardness between us.’ As soon as the words left her lips she knew they were a lie. She would never feel comfortable in Mr Ashburton’s company because she was craving something that he could not give her, something they could not share.
‘No awkwardness,’ he said. He lifted his hand as if about to touch her on the cheek again, but stopped with his fingers midway between them. Instead he stood and offered her his arm. As she rose and fell in beside him she felt her heart sink. It was cruel that the first man she’d ever felt any attraction to, the only man she’d ever felt any attraction to, was unavailable to her. Worse than that, he was the brother of the man she was meant to be convincing to marry her.
Chapter Five
Josh shifted in his seat for the fiftieth time, feeling the guilt gnawing at him. He’d thought about making an excuse to his brother, finding any reason to be anywhere other than the opera house this evening. It might be the sensible thing to do, but to Josh it seemed cowardly, so here he was speeding towards an evening in the company of Lady Elizabeth.
Five days, that was how long had passed
