‘Did you divide your time between them?’ Merle asked when he didn’t immediately answer.
‘I went to a very prestigious boarding school a few hours north of Sydney,’ he explained with full sarcasm. ‘It offered every advantage for a young person, you know. Then I’d come here for the holidays.’
He had rarely seen his father—so he didn’t impact on the secret lifestyle his father had enjoyed. Glancing over, he saw her deepening frown, and Ash shook his head. ‘Yeah, no denying my teenage years were dysfunctional.’
‘But why do you want to sell it now?’ she asked. ‘I don’t think you hate this place, Ash. I think you still love it. It’s just that you were hurt here. Maybe being here makes you remember what you lost.’
Being here made him angry. And powerless. Because there was no fixing any of it.
‘Mum’s passing was awful,’ he admitted. In an almost naive way he hadn’t realised how ill she was. He’d thought she would go on as she was for years—in a kind of weak but strong stasis. He’d thought he’d have a chance to make things right again once she’d got over her anger. But there’d been no chance. ‘I’d already lost everything before that. Because I’m the one who inflicted the pain here.’
Her steady, unflinching gaze stabilised his careering emotions.
‘What happened?’
He’d known she’d ask. Who wouldn’t when given a statement like that? He’d wanted her to. He wanted her to know. Because then? Then she’d know the truth. She’d know him for who he was. And that light in her eyes when she looked at him? That would dim.
‘It was my fault my mother died when she did,’ he said harshly.
‘What?’ Merle’s soft voice lifted. ‘How?’
‘I broke her heart.’ And it had already been so damaged, the harm was irreparable. His own heart tore every time he so much as thought of it.
But Merle stayed still, her gaze true and calm. ‘How did you do that?’
‘I proved to her that I was just like him.’
Didn’t I teach you to play fair? Not to cheat? Never cheat, Ashton.
His mother’s recriminations echoed. Even after all this time they scalded his vital organs, making it feel impossible to breathe. If he told Merle the whole truth she’d recoil. She’d step back. She was too much of a believer in good things not to shrink away from something awful. And maybe after last night that would be best. Because last night had changed this.
‘I cheated,’ he added bluntly. ‘Just like him.’
And the fallout had sent him on a spiralling path of excess and oblivion—pointedly different to his dad’s secrecy. Ash had been boldly, openly provocative. He’d developed his own code.
But Merle didn’t flinch. She merely nodded, almost matter-of-factly. ‘That girl—when you were young.’
It hadn’t been a matter-of-fact mistake. ‘Her name was Rose Gold.’
At a muffled sound from Merle he grinned ruefully. ‘Yeah. Trust me, no one hates that more than she does.’
‘But you were at school.’
‘She came to my boarding school, yes.’
‘So this was a youthful, schoolboy mistake. Secondary school,’ she reiterated.
But it had been no minor indiscretion and the awful repercussions had been permanent. Merle still gazed up at him, clearly waiting, and, as much as he regretted starting this, the anger within made him continue. She needed to know what he’d done.
‘It wasn’t teenage foolishness, it was massive. Rose was in the year below mine but she was even younger. One of those super-smart kids, she’d been accelerated up. Apparently we’d already met because she was the daughter of one of my mother’s friends, but honestly I didn’t remember her. Mum asked me to be kind, ensure she was included. She was shy. I think she’d been unwell or something.’ He sighed. ‘She was pretty nerdy. A society princess but shy at that point.’ He paused and frowned as he realised Merle’s skin had pinkened.
‘Come on,’ he muttered. ‘We should get out of the sun. It’s burning at this time of day.’
But Merle resisted. ‘Tell me what happened.’
‘I will, when you’re in the shade.’
Merle walked ahead of him again but once she’d passed the pool she turned and blocked his way into the house.
‘Okay, I’m in the shade. Tell me the rest.’
Ash grimaced. ‘I became her champion, I guess. I didn’t think anything of it. People assumed we were dating because I’d sought her out and she hadn’t said anything to the contrary. It amused me to see her popularity rise. I didn’t take it too seriously. I didn’t think she had either. We weren’t exactly physical—I thought we were more friends. But she was flattered, I guess.’
‘I bet she...’ Merle mumbled. ‘I bet she had a massive crush on you.’
‘I only asked her to go to that damn dance because Mum asked me to. To make sure she had a good time. But I...’
‘What happened at the dance?’
He shifted on his feet, obviously uncomfortable. ‘I got filmed with another girl.’
‘Filmed? Oh...’ Merle’s gaze slid from his.
‘Two girls, actually,’ he confessed angrily. ‘I got stood down from school for misconduct. Never went back. Got summoned here. Mum was more furious than I’d ever seen her. How could I have done that to Rose? She tore strips off me. “You’re just like him.” Direct quote.’
‘Ash—’
‘The thing was, I’d not known. About Dad, I mean. I didn’t know any of it until that afternoon. I’d never seen Mum so agitated. She cried about things that didn’t make sense. Later, I asked her what she’d meant but she’d calmed down and shut me out and wouldn’t say. She sent me away. Back to Sydney. To Dad. And I found out the truth.’
The lies. The cheating. The absolute betrayal.
‘Do you know what he did?’ He looked at Merle.
Merle tried to stay calm, but every muscle had tensed. She was still reconciling what he’d
