‘Leo Castle isn’t my only half-sibling,’ Ash said harshly. ‘It wasn’t just that Dad was a serial cheater and lazy when it came to contraception. He was a risk-taker who didn’t think he’d ever get caught.’ He flinched at his inward recollections. ‘It turned out he’d also seduced my aunt. Mum’s younger sister. So my cousin Grace is actually my half-sister. That’s why she was so angry with me for turning out just like him, despite her efforts.’
‘But you’re not like him.’
‘No? Not selfish? Not arrogant? Not a cheater?’ He shook his head. ‘I never saw Mum again,’ he muttered. ‘She died less than a week after she’d sent me back in disgrace.’
The deeply etched pain in his voice scraped Merle’s nerves.
‘I literally broke her heart.’
Merle ached for the horror and guilt he felt. ‘I think your father might’ve already done that, Ash.’
His eyes widened and for a moment he froze. ‘But I ripped it right through,’ he said hoarsely. ‘I was the one thing she believed in. I let her down. And she died.’
‘Ash—’
‘I’d had no idea he was unfaithful at all, let alone so completely,’ he said hurriedly. ‘It’s embarrassing when with adult hindsight it’s so bloody obvious. I had to find out what she’d meant. I confronted him when I got there. He didn’t even try to deny it. He was more interested in the details of what had happened with those girls in the bathroom at the dance. He actually congratulated me. He said I needed to work on my discretion, but he was proud. That’s when I realised what he was like. I searched online and found a reference to Leo in an old newspaper. I tracked him down and offered to do the DNA test for him to prove our dad’s paternity.’ Ash’s smile was both satisfied and sad. ‘My father never forgave me for that. He was so angry, he admitted the truth about Grace with vindictive pleasure. He said I couldn’t escape who I was—his son. With his flaws. His predilections. And he was right. I’d already proved that. So I acted out, with no discretion at all.’
‘It was one mistake, Ash.’
He shook his head. ‘I was careless and selfish and went for what I wanted then and there.’
‘But you learned from it. You said you’ve never cheated since.’
‘I’ve never had a relationship since.’
‘To be honest, it doesn’t sound like it was much of a relationship with Rose.’
He paused. ‘No. We never even slept together but it meant more to her. I think I knew that and I didn’t want it and I took the coward’s way out to end it. I broke her trust and I humiliated her.’
Merle felt a horrible affinity for the girl. She could understand how easy it would be to fall—to imagine there might be more—when Ash Castle had his full attention on you. ‘Where’s Rose now?’
‘Still at university, I think. An academic. Very good at...her subject.’
Merle smiled a little sadly, feeling for Rose. ‘You don’t know what it is, do you?’
‘She’s not spoken to me since and I don’t blame her.’ He winced. ‘People had phones everywhere... I just didn’t want...’
‘To say it to her face?’ she guessed.
‘It was like I’d kicked a kitten.’ He rubbed his face.
Merle could imagine all too well how mortified poor Rose must have been. Then Ash had been sent away from the school. It would’ve been horrendous to have been left there with everyone in her class knowing. And she would have had such a crush. It was impossible not to crush on Ash Castle.
But, while he’d made a mistake, Ash’s world had been obliterated. He’d disappointed the one person who mattered to him most. He’d discovered appalling, devastating truths. He’d have felt such shame for his father. And in turn himself.
‘You didn’t get to see your mother again?’ she asked softly.
He stood very still, not looking at her, not seeming to see anything but the bitter memories lodged inside. ‘We didn’t even speak on the phone. I was angry because I felt guilty. Angry because I was shocked. Everything had been a lie. Her husband had an affair with her own sister. Can you imagine the betrayal?’ He closed his eyes briefly. ‘And it happened when they both knew she was unwell. That was why I’m the only child. The only one she could have and I...’ He pushed out a heavy sigh. ‘Hell, no wonder Grace never holidayed with us here.’ He glared at the pool and then turned that tortured gaze back on Merle. ‘Why didn’t she leave him? Why did she stay and put up with that for so long?’
She understood why he asked. Ash hadn’t stayed. He’d been so hurt, felt such guilt, he’d rejected his father totally. But his anguish and the questioning of his mother’s hard choices were ultimately unanswerable. Merle could only guess, only imagine.
‘Maybe she didn’t have the strength,’ she suggested gently. ‘Maybe the battle for her health was the only one she had the energy to fight.’
He didn’t reply for a long time.
‘What was she like?’ Merle asked.
‘When she had the energy, she was so much fun.’ His expression fell again. ‘And I devastated her. I broke her heart.’
‘But you didn’t kill her, Ash,’ Merle said softly. ‘She’d been unwell a long time, right?’
His nod was jerky.
‘And you weren’t much more than a kid yourself. Packed off to boarding school. Isolated from your parents through a very sad time. Burdened with a ton of external expectation and no real support to help you cope. I’m not surprised you sought a way out—however you could—especially at that age, when everything’s overwhelming. You were so alone.’
‘Don’t feel sorry for me, Merle. I don’t deserve it.’
She disagreed. He was beating himself
