“I know,” I finally said. “You’re right. I’m really worried. I don’t understand what could have happened to him.”
“I’ll let you know if we hear anything. Try to get some rest,” Hannah said.
“I feel like I slept forever last night.”
“You should still rest. Your body needs it. The baby needs it. Is there anything I can bring you or do for you?” she asked.
“No. Thank you.”
“Alright. Call me if you think of anything.”
We got off the phone, and I went to take a shower. I stayed in there long enough for my fingers to wrinkle, then got out and headed for the kitchen. With a pot of tea and sleeves of crackers sitting on the table in front of me, I relaxed on the couch with an old favorite book pulled up on my phone in digital version.
It didn’t have quite the same effect as flipping through the well-worn pages, but it was still comforting to lose myself in the familiar story again. Almost as though I hadn’t just slept all those hours. I dozed throughout the late morning and early afternoon. It was getting toward the middle of the afternoon when my phone ringing startled me all the way awake.
My first thought was it may be Matt, and I grabbed my phone eagerly. I saw Hannah’s name on the screen and felt my heart sink.
“Hey,” I said.
“You okay?” she asked.
“I was resting like you told me to,” I said.
“I just wanted to let you know we heard from Matt,” she said.
There was nothing in her voice to indicate what kind of emotion I should be feeling in that moment. My heart started thudding in my chest, and I felt shaky.
“You did?” I asked. “Where is he? What’s going on?”
“All I can tell you is that he’s okay,” she said.
“What do you mean that’s all you can tell me?”
I felt a bit of anger growing inside me. I didn’t like being jerked around like this. And worse than that, I was still worried.
“It’s what I know,” Hannah said. “He called and told Jordan he knew we were checking around about him. His mother got in touch with him and told him we were worried, and everyone was looking for him. So, he called Jordan to say he was okay. He didn’t tell us where he was or what he was doing. Just that he was okay.”
“Not when he’s coming back? Or even if he’s coming back?” I asked. “Is he leaving me? Was he not trying to actually talk things through with me when he tried to find me at home yesterday?”
“Why would he be trying to find you?” Hannah asked.
“To end our marriage,” I said.
I didn’t put a voice to the rest of that thought. Sure, Matt’s and my marriage was fake in the beginning. But that wasn’t how it felt anymore. With everything that happened between us and how much we’d grown and learned, I thought everything was real now. Was I the only one who felt that way? Was Matt just putting all the pieces into place so he could end the marriage now and not have to deal with any of it?
Another couple of hours passed. After that call, I couldn’t get myself to fall asleep again, but I wasn’t feeling sick, so I got up and did some laundry. There wasn’t much to do, but it was something to keep my hands and mind occupied. I created more for myself by changing the beds, then decided to take advantage of the morning sickness medication working well to get a couple of easy meals made to have over the next couple of days.
If I was still living here.
A pot of soup was simmering on the stove when my phone rang again. I assumed it was Hannah and answered without looking at the screen.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey, Chloe,” Matt said, nearly making me drop the phone. “I just want you to know I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Matt? What’s going on? Where are you?” I asked, emotion tightening in my throat and making my eyes sting.
“I can’t explain right now. I’ll be back tomorrow. And I don’t want you to worry about me. I’m fine.”
Before I could ask anything else, he hung up. I was trembling and had to go into the living room to sit down. He didn’t sound exactly happy to talk to me, but he also didn’t sound angry. That seemed like something to be positive about. Or at least to keep me from tumbling further into the heaviness that was pushing down around me.
The house felt too quiet and still again. I didn’t want to just sit there anymore, especially now that I knew there wasn’t a chance for Matt to show up. I got dressed and headed into work. They weren’t expecting me to be there, but this time they didn’t suggest I leave. It ended up being a busy night, so they were glad I was there, and I was glad for the distraction.
On break later in the night, Hannah and I shared some fries and talked about the future. She gave me advice about pregnancy and what it was like to have a baby. It made me feel better, but there was still a nagging curiosity in the back of my mind trying to figure out what Matt could possibly be doing.
37
Matt
Convincing her parents to fly commercial was a bridge too far. I could convince them to come to Portland and to try to patch things up with their daughter; I could even convince them that I was a better fit for her than their plans. But convincing them to fly on something other than their own private jet? Too much. So, rather than get back the same day, which had been the plan, I ended up getting a hotel and spending the night there. Graciously, they offered me one of the seemingly hundreds of rooms in their ridiculous mansion, but I felt like that might be too much for me.
