He was ready to send the clouds away.
He was ready to find love. With Iris, if she would have him.
Iris's arms tightened about him, as did his around her.
And all the world seemed to be right for the first time in a long, long while.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Breathing Room
Tony saw Natalie digging in her front planters, a flat of pansies by her side as she worked the soil. A lot of her shrubs were leafing out, and her yard was coming back to life after being dormant throughout the cold winter months.
He crossed the street, walking with purposeful strides toward her house. Since Easter Sunday, Natalie had spent her time with her daughter, but he'd heard from his mom that Natalie had put Cassie on a plane back to Chicago yesterday morning.
"Hey," he said, causing her to turn in the direction of his voice.
She was on her knees, wore a sweatshirt and jeans with tennis shoes. "Hi, Tony." Her smile was pleasant.
"How've you been?"
"Good. How about you?"
"Fine. Did you have a good visit with Cassie?" He stood over her, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"Yes. It turned out really great that she came home. We had some good times, stayed up late and watched old movies. I was sorry to see her go, but she had to get back to school."
"And everything's okay with her?"
"Now it is. That boyfriend she had cheated on her. It was horrible and she had to work through the hurt of it. I hope he doesn't try and get back together with her. I don't think she'd allow it. She was pretty set in her resolve when she left."
"I'm sorry she got hurt."
"It's okay. Sometimes, in order to grow and evolve, you have to get hurt in the process."
"She seems strong. Just like her mother."
"Thanks, Tony. I appreciate that."
He nodded, giving Natalie time to say something further. When she didn't, he said, "I had a good time at your house on Easter. Having both sides of our families there was interesting. I wondered how it would go, but it was great. Sometimes your family drives you crazy, but it's a good crazy."
"I know exactly what you mean."
He sat on her porch, its concrete warm from the afternoon sun. The day was cloudless, the air warmer than it had been in a long time. He put his face up to the sun, enjoying its heat on his skin. Then he straightened.
Natalie's shoulder-length blond hair was twisted into a hair claw, wispy pieces framing her face. She continued to work the ground, using a spade to overturn the earth, then she planted a purple pansy.
She dusted her hands off, sat back on her heels. "I wanted to come over many times, but with Cassie here…I just couldn't."
"I understand. Can you come over tonight?"
"I…" She rose to her feet, came to him and gave him a kiss. "Yes, I was hoping you'd ask me."
Later that night, as they lay naked in bed together, Tony wondered when the time would come that things would change between them, that they'd take a new direction. Now wasn't the time to talk about it.
He rolled onto his side, caressed Natalie's cheek and kissed her. Her arms rose, cupped his neck and brought his mouth closer to hers. He loved the feel of her naked, the touch of her body pressed next to his.
For now, this was enough.
But a week later, after Tony and Natalie had taken turns spending the night at each other's houses, after long hours of making love and getting to know every intimate inch of each other, he felt he needed an answer. A definitive place to go in the relationship.
They were in her big bathtub, Natalie settled between his legs and the bubbles of the bath surrounding them. Candlelight flickered off the walls, the fragrance of roses in the air. Her back was pressed next to his chest and he kissed the side of her neck.
"Natalie, I think it's time we got serious." His statement caught her attention. "I really want to spend more time with you."
Her response wasn't immediate. "We spend a lot of time together."
"But it's filler time—and I don't mean that in a negative way. I want quality time. Assurances that this is for real."
She turned toward him a little; he studied her profile.
"Tony, I care about you, too, but I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment right now. I'm actually scared about taking that step with anyone, so it's not just you."
"Then why does it feel like it's me?"
"Because you're the one I have to say it to. Keeping our relationship the way it is works for me. And if you want more…I can't. I really care about you, but my marriage ended, my daughter is in college and my business is keeping me running. I know you don't mean to, but I feel like you've been pressuring me to make more out of us than there is, than there ever will be. I'm just not ready." She looked directly into his eyes, a sadness coming into her gaze. "I'm sorry…1 wish I could give you a better answer. Maybe we need to spend a bit of time apart. I have to think about all this."
Tony's eyebrows pulled into a frown. He rubbed his jaw, but didn't say what he wanted to say. There was no point, not right now. "Okay."
If she wanted time, he had just as much of it as she did.
"I went to the doctor and had my hormones tested." Natalie and Sarah were cleaning out the floral shed, and Natalie blurted out her next words. "She said they're normal. She suggested I go on the Pill, but I told her no. I'm going through this cold turkey and I know I'm perimenopausal."
"How can that be if the hormone test was okay?"
"Then why am I having these damn hot flashes and night sweats?"
"I don't know. Changes in your body that can't be explained."
