"Absolutely not." The response was spoken a bit too quickly and too defensively. She sighed, frowned. "Maybe a little. Yes. I had that thought in the back of my mind, but it was more to prove to myself that I can't get pregnant, so why even give it a second thought?"
Sarah set the boom aside. "Why aren't you seeing him anymore?"
"We're taking a break."
"Oh, I hate that phrase. It's the kiss of death whenever someone in a relationship says that."
"Maybe you're right. I want to end it. Being with Tony made me get involved, lose my head a little. I'm halfway out, have been struggling with this for weeks. I can't go back now. I'm going to call him tonight and tell him."
"But you don't have to."
Natalie lowered herself onto the chair. "I have to." Then with more conviction, as if to convince herself, "I have to because it's for the best."
Later that night, Natalie called Tony.
"Hi, Tony, it's Natalie." Why did her voice sound so distant?
"You're calling things off," he said, not waiting for her to say anything further.
"Yes…it's for the best. I'm just not ready."
"Would you ever be ready, Natalie? Do you ever think the timing is right for anything?"
His defensive tone made her sit up straighter. She was hurting him and she felt awful about it. "I don't know. Right now, I just don't know what I'm doing."
"Then take more time."
"But I—"
"Take more time to think about it."
Then the line disconnected.
* * *
Tony and Rocky Massaro drove up to McCall for an overnight fishing trip. They'd spent hours out on a row-boat, baiting hooks and casting lines, talking about what women wanted, if they even knew or would ever have a clue.
At the end of a long day, they sat in the hotel bar over beer and fried onion rings with ranch dip.
"I don't know, dude," Rocky said. "I think I've had the most success with women when I've treated them like shit. Some of them want you to treat them badly." He knocked back the last of his beer. "I feel your pain, but you're asking me my opinion and all it's worth is what it's worth, which is nada."
Tony sat back on the bar stool knowing he'd never treat Natalie like shit. So if that's what she wanted, forget it.
"Let's check out that nightclub over by the shore," Rocky suggested, throwing a bill on the counter to pay their bar tab.
Tony stood, thinking some loud music and another beer would be a good time killer. "Okay."
The next morning, they decided to go to the Pancake House for a late breakfast. They hadn't gone to bed until three and were dragging when they sat in the booth and ordered two cups of black coffee.
There must have been some kind of women's retreat in the resort town because the restaurant was filled with them.
When the waitress came back to top off their coffee, Tony asked, "What are all the women doing in here?"
"Holistic convention."
"A what?" Rocky asked, his eyebrow quirking. His hair was ruffled since he'd neglected to comb it after he'd gotten out of bed.
"They're spiritualists. They channel rocks and stuff." The waitress moved on, and Rocky made a face.
"What's that mean? Rock channeling?"
"They talk to rocks and are into waterfalls." Tony drank his coffee. "I think it's like energy healing."
"Hey, I smoked weed in high school when I wanted to talk to a rock and it worked."
Tony chuckled.
The women's voice roses octaves too high for the slight hangover Tony was nursing. Each time a woman walked by their table, she smiled at him; some giggled and others were more blatant with their gazes. One even dropped her purse just so she could bend over and get it, allowing him a good view of her behind.
Rocky said, "I don't know why you're asking me what women want because you seem to have it in spades. You don't even have to do anything and they want you."
Tony didn't recognize what it was about him that made him so appealing. Yeah, he was okay to look at, but these women didn't know him. He might have had a rock for a brain—but then, they liked rocks.
As their breakfast order came, Tony said, "Maybe women do find me attractive, but I'm not some boy toy."
"Oh, Jesus, Cruz, we all want to be boy toys. You're full of it." Rocky shot ketchup on his eggs. "Talk like that, you sound like you're in love with her."
Tony didn't say anything. He couldn't.
Maybe he had fallen in love with Natalie. God knew it felt as if he were headed in that direction sometimes. Other times, he'd prevented himself from letting go because he hadn't been ready.
What started out as just having an enjoyable time, having fun with each other, had turned serious for him. He wanted her in his life, but he wanted her on his terms. No barriers. Whatever happened, happened.
And yet, he wasn't willing to give up his dream of being a father. He wondered if she'd consent to fertility treatments. Would that be an option she'd be willing to explore even though she'd made it clear she was done with parenting?
He'd been getting to a place where he had to make a decision about Natalie—if he wanted to continue to give her time to think about what she wanted, or if he should just give up. Maybe he should start seeing other women. The trouble was, no other women interested him.
He was comfortable with Natalie, felt good around her. The sex was really good, too. Great, in fact. He missed having her in his bed, sleeping next to her.
He didn't like being alone.
Maybe he had been putting too much pressure on the women in his life. Maybe that's why Kim left him, and that's why Natalie needed
