Kanna, learn early on to set your own standards in anything you do as wife, mother, employee, and friend. That is what I did always. People around me never understood what it is that I was chasing when I had already achieved what most of them would not dream of achieving in a lifetime. They never figured out that my driver and benchmark was within myself. Everything that you do should be extraordinary. That might seem like a tall order but that is the only way to do it. In pursuing your goals, be inspired by the ordinary folk who have done unimaginable things just with their passion, creativity, hard work, without the support of networking circles that people from privileged backgrounds enjoy. These are the stories that are lot more encouraging than the inspiration that come from people with privileged backgrounds.
My own mother was a simple village girl who grew up in a highly protected environment but had to come to a big city when she got married. Life was difficult and money was scarce but she managed to look after us with so little resources, feeding everybody who came home.
In some ways, seeing her so, motivated me to take up more responsibilities so that not only could I repay my parents for their sacrifices but also look after you, my children. For several years, your grandfather had to go to work alone in a foreign country so that he could look after his family’s needs. It used to hurt me that he was all by himself working hard, cooking on his own, and sending money to us.
So when I threw myself into work with a vengeance after your father died, it was also because I wanted to take care of three generations—my parents, myself, and my children. That was a big motivator for me.
Remember the time we went to your grandfather’s village and visited your great aunt who lived there all alone? We arrived there en route to visit the family deity and met this old, poor lady, who had a veritable feast awaiting us when we came back from our prayers. With just her ingenuity and the few humble ingredients she had in her larder, she gave us a memorable meal and when we were ready to leave, she offered us a meal to have on the journey, packed in the only plastic container that she possessed. I hope that you will learn from the spirit of giving that simple lady showed us all those years ago.
I have worked hard to make sure that money does not corrupt our lives. It gives us creature comforts but that has never translated into disregard for either money or human relationships. Your grandfather still tends to the farm while your grandmother still cooks our meals. And I revel in the fact that my children too value the relationships that we have built over the past decades.
Child, I have made more money than we have ever dreamt of in our wildest dreams and yet, it has never been an agenda to chase for us. If you were to ask me what the right thing to do is, I would say it is to make a genuine personal effort to make another person feel loved and wanted. As a young mother who did things for her children, I know that children are a hundred percent more perceptive than we are willing to give them credit for, a thousand times more sensitive than you can imagine, and a thousand times more responsible than we think they are capable of. When you become a mother, show your young ones by example, both by your talk and your actions, what the right things are and they will never do anything that will shame you and themselves.
But that comes much later, doesn’t it? As a young woman tiptoeing on the threshold of a promising life of love and fulfillment, you need to know the other secrets that I learnt along the way. There can be no bigger joy than marrying the man you love. But even then, it is important for you not to forget and give up your identity. Women come packaged with generations of conditioning that we have to give ourselves up in the interest of the marriage and our new family.
But I have a secret to tell you. There will be moments of digression when you feel that your only role is being a good wife, mother, and daughter-in-law, but the good part is that you don’t really have to forgo one for the other. Don’t give up caring for your family, blend into the new family but don’t give up your own identity. Don’t live with the feeling that you sacrificed your personal goals for your family. Never stop living short of your own full potential, whatever be the compulsion, because if you do that, you will live with that regret all through your life.
There is always a way to find a balance between your home and your career and you alone can decide what that balance is. For me, a large portion of life was my career, then children, then my family, and that left almost no time for myself for almost fifteen years, but I was still happy because that was the balance that I chose for myself! I don’t know if you know this but for almost a decade when your brother was growing up into a teenager, we would go to watch his favorite action movies and while he did that, I would catch up on my sleep. When the movie was over, he would wake me up and we would get back home happily.
Kanna, balance to me means: if you have an ambition in life, you should create an environment around you which will
