Tears filled my eyes as I inched over next to him in bed. I didn’t talk. I just sat there and held him. Nothing I could say would lessen the agony he felt. I didn’t have the words to end his misery. And I wanted to take it all away. It stung me watching him move through this. And I was angry. Mostly at her, but also at the courts for not listening. For not seeing. For not caring. Another child gone, and why? Sometimes, the best place for a child wasn’t with the mother. Anyone who knew Brooks, knew she wasn’t a suitable parent and used Jaden as a dagger to Brooks.
“I’m just so sorry, and I’m fine if you can’t find it in you to forgive me. I really am.”
“Brooks, I’ve already forgiven you. You know that. The only thing I ever asked from you, is why you couldn’t tell me about Jaden. That’s it. You already know how I feel about you. That has never changed, and nothing you can do will ever change that.”
“I don’t deserve you,” he added. “I really don’t.” He sat up, dried his eyes, and wrapped his arms around me.
I leaned my head on his shoulder as he continued talking.
“I don’t remember leaving town to come see you. I remember getting to your road and parking there, wondering if I should drive in and knock on your door. I thought I was making a mistake coming to see you. I cried the entire way here. I think I was speeding, and I wondered how I never got pulled over.”
“I’m glad you knocked on my door.”
“I was coming to say goodbye to you. I don’t even want to talk about this, but I was coming to say goodbye. I wanted to be with Jaden. But I had to see you one last time before I left this place.”
“Oh, Brooks,” I said as I glanced up at him.
“I had an agenda that night and seeing you, I worked hard to get that thought out of my mind. Seeing you again brought back feelings I felt I’d lost forever. You were like the breath of fresh air I needed. And then I don’t know what happened. I was trying to pretend everything was perfect, and nothing was perfect. I wanted to tell you, but I wanted to forget, and then I half-wondered if what happened had actually taken place. Maybe I was dreaming. Maybe I imagined him dying. So many thoughts jumbled in my head, and I just lost it.”
“It’s okay, Brooks.”
“So, I just want you to know I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you the way I did this past week.”
“I understand now. I knew something was wrong, and I couldn’t figure out what it was. But I’m glad I know now. And I forgive you. Don’t forget that.”
“He’s a good man, Easton.”
“He seems like it,” I responded. “Today is the most I’ve ever spent with him.”
“We had several good conversations in the hospital. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone like that in my life.”
“Well, now you do.” I grinned at him.
“Thank you for letting me stay here a few more nights.”
I smiled at him. “You can stay as long as you’d like.”
He kissed me on the forehead. “I think the pain meds are kicking in. I feel like I’m dosing off.”
I laughed. “I’ll let you get some sleep. Do you need anything else from me before I head upstairs?”
“No. I’m good. Thank you again, Erika.”
I gave him a hug as I moved from the bed and turned out the light. I trudged upstairs with a heavy heart. Tears cascaded down my face before I reached my bedroom. I closed the door, collapsed onto my bed, and cried.
Why did I feel so alone?
Why did I feel like this breakup would be the death of me?
Why couldn’t life be kind, just this once?
Was my life always going to be like this?
Would I ever get over Brooks?
I had so many questions and anxieties, my mind was a complete wreck as I wrapped up in the comforter. How did life spiral so out of control? I felt like I had no control over anything taking place. I wanted to change things. I wished everything back to the way they were years ago. I wanted Brooks in my life. I wanted us together. Here we were, so close to a future we had both wanted, and it was already over. We were both letting each other slip away, only this time it was from our own doing and not the actions of anybody else. This was a choice both of us made. I think that was the heavy part. Knowing that things had altered because of us.
Before Brooks was ready to leave, I would be certain to tell him how I felt about him. I didn’t want him to leave. We were no longer forbidden to be together. He needed to understand that before we went our separate ways again.
I closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep that night. Our new beginnings we all cheered to earlier that morning were bittersweet. I felt shattered. It would take me months, if not years, to get over him a second time.
Chapter Seventeen
I walked downstairs with my hair still wrapped in a towel from my morning shower. Easton and Brooks sat at the kitchen island having coffee and laughing about something.
“Good morning,” Easton said as I walked around the corner.
“Good morning, you two.” I smiled, more at Brooks. “Did you both sleep okay?”
“Your couch is pretty much one of the comfiest couches I think I’ve ever slept on.”
“I told you it was comfortable,” Brooks said as he winked at me.
“Margo not down yet?”
“No. Not yet.”
“Hmm. That’s strange. She’s usually up early in the mornings.”
“Well, she’s probably exhausted herself. Being up late all these nights,” Easton said.
“How would you know
