I cried myself to sleep that night. I half-expected Brooks to get in his truck and leave without saying goodbye. After his shower, we remained silent most of the evening. It was like we were on this tightrope, and anything could flare up past regrets we didn’t realize were still raw and bleeding between us. At any minute, we could lose each other all over again.
Why did love always have to ache? My first marriage was a train wreck before I even stepped down the aisle. I assumed things would get better, and our relationship would thrive. Well, the deep love wasn’t honest enough, and only one of us wanted things to work out, and it wasn’t him.
Our marriage ended faster than it took to organize the wedding. Everything around me was a signal I overlooked. When I brought up my concerns to friends, they portrayed it to be cold feet and had to lug me down that aisle.
My divorce wasn’t as tumultuous as Brooks’ divorce, but it wore me down. It absorbed all my energy and confiscated every ounce of dignity and pride I had left. I heard the rumors and the lies but didn’t have the will to even defend myself. Yes, I ended up with Brooks on the tailgate of his truck, nude under the stars, talking about all that was wrong, including our forbidden romance that felt so right, even though both of us were married.
Of course, his wife found out, and our entire hometown knew of our sinful secret. The tale was that my divorce was because of Brooks when it wasn’t. I was getting divorced for reasons that had nothing to do with him. Since we were already inside the small-town scandal, we didn’t have the desire to end our lucid affair and played out every fantasy we’d had that summer. If I could only go back and adjust a few things.
“Knock-knock.”
I opened my eyes and rolled over to face the door.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” I said as I battled to wake myself up.
Brooks walked over to the side of my bed and settled on top of the comforter.
“Can’t sleep?” I asked.
He laughed as he settled on his left side and peered at me. “No. Not at all. You?”
“I might have fallen asleep for a moment, but I don’t think I’ve slept much at all. What time is it?”
“1:17. I wanted to make sure you were okay. Remember when we used to take the back roads until we found a place to park.”
I laughed. “I thought about that tonight. All the times we enjoyed each other’s company in your truck.”
“That’s a cute way to put it.”
“What?”
“You know, I was so nervous that summer.”
“Why?”
He settled his head on the pillow and moved to his back. “You. I was so fascinated with you. Nervous that I wouldn’t be good enough. That you would think I wasn’t good enough in bed, you know... things like that.”
“Why would you even think that?”
“I didn’t want to lose you, so I was so careful to do everything right. I wanted to say all the right words and make you forget all that you were going through. I wanted to rip you from that world and take you into mine, but I knew I couldn’t. I knew he still wanted you, and you, being his wife, I had no right to make that choice for you.”
“I had already made up my mind. I was leaving him. You knew that. I had filed the papers. We had a court date on the calendar and everything. We were over, well before I filed those papers.”
He exhaled.
“Brooks.”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for everything. Stopping by, finishing my pantry, keeping me company, making me laugh, keeping me from stressing over this storm.”
He grinned as he set his hand over mine. “I wouldn’t wish to be trapped in a cabin with anyone else.”
“I second that.”
We lay in silence for a few minutes, listening to the storm raging outside.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Anything,” he said as he glanced at me.
“Like without an argument.”
He acknowledged.
“I left town because of someone else.”
He laughed. “I kind of knew it. I just had a feeling about it.”
“I’m not talking about another man. There was no other man in my life besides you. You were the only one.”
He now looked puzzled as he stared at me.
“I left because of her. Alicia.”
Silence.
My heart pounded louder than it had in a long time. “I wanted so bad to run to you, I really did.”
“I wish you would have.”
“I know. But she’s the reason I changed my email address, phone number, sold my house and moved into the first apartment I could find. I couldn’t stand the rumors anymore. And she continued calling and telling me things that only you and I had talked about. Things that were supposed to remain between us. Somehow, she knew a lot more than she should have, and she shoved it in my face how you desired her more than you needed me.”
“Oh, Erika.”
“I just needed you to know that I didn’t leave because of you.”
“Can we just leave it all in the past now?”
“I’d love that.”
He laid the top of his chest over mine, set his elbows near my shoulders, and kissed me slow and hard, like we knew it was our last kiss. I shifted my hands to grip his and went into every kiss with every unsaid word I had inside me. I wanted to cry because this felt so right. My heart felt whole, and I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone else. I wanted to cry because I knew the moment this storm was over, he’d be gone from my life again.
He got rougher with every kiss, and his grip tightened on my wrists as he held them onto the mattress. It felt so good; his body all over mine, making me crave him with every vigorous and wanted kiss. This was what years of built-up love could do—cause you to lust over and over like
