“And again, that’s because you didn’t think that here, where you are right now, was even a possibility, so trying to figure it out, how to go from here, is a whole new concept.”
“It seems like everybody’s telling me that lately,” she said.
Dani gave a laugh, lifted her hand in a wave, and walked out the door.
As she left, Melissa realized just how much of a friend Dani was. Melissa was not only here because Dani was concerned about Melissa but also about her friend Shane.
At that time, Shane walked in the door to her room, just missing Dani. He looked at Melissa, smiled, and said, “Hey, gorgeous.”
She laughed. “Now, you see? If I actually was gorgeous,” she said, “I’d think you meant that. The fact that I’m only just now recovering from walking like a crab, going sideways …”
“And that’s because, once again, you’re stuck thinking on the outside, not the inside,” he said. “Remember? Here we don’t worry so much about the outside because we know how much it can change. Here we’re all about the inside. And honestly, your inside is beautiful. It’s a little insecure, a little shaky. But it’s come so far.”
“I heard you got asked about our relationship and questioned about whether it was helping me or hurting me.” She said it so abruptly that the smile fell away from his face.
He nodded slowly. “Yes, and that’s standard procedure. We’ve had a lot of relationships come together here,” he said, “and it’s always about the patient, what’s good for them, what they need, versus what’s good for me or anybody else.”
“That doesn’t sound very fair,” she said.
“We’re not the ones who are recovering from major trauma, with massive life changes. The meeting was just fine. Don’t you worry about it.”
She sat back, happy with his answer. “So you’re not …” She didn’t know quite what to say.
He looked up at her. “I’m not what?”
“You’re not regretting being friends with me?”
His eyebrows shot up. “No,” he said. “It’s what I want, so it won’t matter who says what.” And just then his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket and looked at it. “I’m late for another meeting. I have to run.” He took off in a jog.
She worried about his words for a long time afterward. She sat here on her bed until it was lunchtime, and then she managed to walk slowly and carefully down the hallway. She was so much better obviously but still months away from doing this without collapsing and exhausting herself. However, her progress was obvious—more than obvious, it was incredible.
As she stepped in line and picked up a tray, still mindful of her actions, Dennis walked over with a big smile and said, “What can I get for you today?”
“How about some self-confidence?” she said, as if she were reading a grocery list. “A dose of forward-thinking and some idea of what I was put on this planet to do.”
He stared at her with surprise; then a huge grin flashed across his face. “Done,” he said. “Absolutely. No problem with that.”
She stared at him with as much surprise as he’d had, while he dished her up a great big salad with a grilled chicken breast off to the side, some steamed vegetable medley that looked delicious next to it. She said, “This doesn’t look like what I ordered.”
“Well, like all things in life on a big level, you said it takes a bit of time. All you really have to do to get the answers to all of what you just asked for,” he said, “is go inside and trust. Check out your heart. You’ll find all the answers you need are right there. It’s usually insecurity and fear that stops us from going after what we really want. After that, it’s all just noise. Stop listening to the noise. Find the goodness inside, and you’ll get all the answers you want. See? It’s easy.” And he turned to the guy behind her and asked, “What can I get you today?”
And, with that, she had to be satisfied. She picked up her tray and slowly walked to a table. As she sat down, her mind was turning over Dennis’s words. Because such a kernel of truth was in there, a kernel of honesty and decency, and, yes, realization that what she was really doing was looking outside herself for the answers, when all she had to do was look inside.
Shane had to admit that, as much as he didn’t like it, he felt like he walked a little bit more carefully around Melissa for the next few days.
Finally on Friday, she headed to his office, faced him, and said, “Spit it out.”
He looked at her, questioning. “Spit what out?”
“Whatever is bugging you,” she said.
And just enough exasperation and frustration were in her voice that he had to chuckle. “And what if nothing’s bugging me?”
“Well, obviously something is,” she said. “And I don’t know what it is, but I would like to know. And, if it’s more of that craziness that got you into trouble at the meeting or that I had to talk with Dani about, we need to put a stop to it right now.”
He turned toward her. “What would you like to do with that?”
“Go forward,” she said instantly.
“In what direction?” he asked cautiously, studying her.
She looked almost spitting mad but not quite, as if she were just a step or two away from losing it, and that was something he had yet to see.
“I’d like to see where this can go,” she said. “In all honesty, I feel like you’ve been pulling back from me.”
“I don’t think I’ve been pulling back as much
