When he finally found her, in Dan’s office, she avoided all eye contact, told him she had a couple more hours before her day was over and she’d talk to him later. He left, the sharp stab to the heart now a growing ache.
He waited most of the night, alone in his room, for her call. It never came. He hadn’t slept a wink, the small velvet box his only company. When he crawled out of bed, he put it away for safe-keeping and walked over to her place, needing to know for sure what was going on. It was just yesterday that they’d made passionate love… What had happened in the intervening hours that had made her stop caring for him?
After he banged on the door and waiting more than a few minutes for her to answer, she finally opened it and faced him, already dressed for the day. She looked cool in her sundress, her sandals exposing her toenails, now painted a deep coral. He held his breath and asked, “Can I come in?”
She glanced back into the interior of the condo before stepping outside.
He went to embrace her, but she was stiff in his arms.
Whispering in her ear, he all but begged, “Alicia, talk to me.”
She was still avoiding his eyes and her voice broke when she said, “I can’t do this.”
His anxiety notched up and he scrambled to understand what she was saying.
“What do you mean? We’ve been doing this, and you seemed as happy as I was. What has changed?”
“All those women you—”
He held her by the shoulders, forced her to meet his eyes. They were filled with such uncertainty it made him fear for his life.
“What women? I have had no other woman but you.”
Didn’t want any other woman. Didn’t she believe that yet?
“I saw you out by the spectators’ gallery yesterday, when you were taking pictures with all those female fans. They want you and you appeared to want—”
“Want them? Over you? You’re not serious, are you?”
She couldn’t be. She had to know what he felt for her. It took up all the space in his head and heart for there to be room for anyone else. She was his sacred space, where boredom and hurt disappeared.
Her distress was real. He heard it in her voice, saw it in the way her hands were trembling.
“You seemed happy, and you were enjoying it. Too much for my peace of mind.”
He felt irritation flutter to life.
“What I’m enjoying is the life you’ve given me.”
He’d never felt such happiness and she was at the center.
“I know the signs, Mateo. And they’re all there.”
“You are basing your suspicions on what has happened before. Are you seriously going to tell me I have become all that has caused you pain?”
“I can’t—”
Now his anger flared. “Not can’t. Won’t. You won’t take the risk that I’m different or believe that I would never do that to you.”
“I can’t afford to.”
“But you can afford to turn away from what we have together? You cannot care for me at all then, and there is nothing I can do or say to change that.”
Time was the only thing that could prove it and she wasn’t willing to give him that.
“You’d break my heart, Mateo. I can’t let that happen.”
“So, you will break mine instead?”
Her eyes fluttered closed and her breath stuttered. “There are other women out there. You’ll find someone else.”
He shook her then, trying to make her understand the implausibility of that.
“It is not that easy, Alicia. There is only one who will touch my soul and that is you.”
“I’m sorry.”
She extricated herself and opened the door, made a move to go back inside, but he grasped her hand, unable to let her shut him out.
With as much emotion as he could, he said, “I love you with all of who I am, but if you do not love me in the same way, then I must accept that and go. But you must know, mi esposa, that I will carry you in my heart always. Married or not, you are my all.”
He brushed her cheeks with his fingers, knowing all the happiness he’d savored had just been blown away like sand in the desert.
And then he walked away, his hands stuffed in his pockets so he wouldn’t reach out again, his heart bleeding. If she would just let him fill her, she would taste the sacredness of their love. His love. He had to remember she didn’t feel the same. There was nothing he could do to change her past, and if she continued to dwell there, he was lost. Mindlessly he walked toward his condo, his thoughts now in disarray.
She watched him go, wanting to scream, wanting to wail, wanting desperately something she couldn’t have. Wouldn’t allow herself.
When he’d told her that he loved her, she wanted to throw herself in his arms and never let go. She loved him the same way, with all of who she was. It was the reasons she had to break it off. It would kill her if he…
Once it was closed, Allie leaned against the door, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Brushing them off her cheeks as Charlie came out of the bedroom, she grabbed her satchel and ran out to the car, not wanting anyone to see her like this.
She needed to get away, the hole in her heart so big she wasn’t sure she’d ever fill it again. Could it hurt anymore than this if he left her? Was it just her pride that had her backed in a corner? She didn’t know but she had
