“Which one of my brothers are you talking about?” Ryan asked he walked down the hall toward us, holding his daughter’s hands as she attempted to toddle in front of him.
I shot daggers Hope’s way. We were supposed to be alone here. This was girl time. Some things were sacrosanct.
“Sorry,” Hope muttered even as she beamed at her family. “What’s my baby girl doing?”
Fliss babbled and beamed up at her mom.
A wave of longing swept over me that didn’t lessen when Ryan bent down to kiss Hope on her cheek. I’d never had a thing for Ryan—he was like a brother to me—but I couldn’t deny that I wanted what Hope had. A man who loved her, a gorgeous happy baby, and a ring on her finger.
“Sorry to interrupt, ladies.” Ryan grabbed the almost toddler and held her out to her mom for a quick kiss before settling Fliss on his hip. “Fliss and I were a little late getting dressed up for our date. Which one of my pigheaded brothers are you pissed at now?”
“Do you even have to guess?” Sabrina snorted.
“It’s either Nathan or Dylan. Austin is too busy planning his proposal.”
“What?!” The three of us shrieked.
“Shit.” Ryan winced. “I wasn’t supposed to spill that.”
“Shipt,” Fliss babbled.
“Ryan!”
“That’s my cue to leave.” Ryan ran to the door, paused to grab the diaper bag, and yelled over his shoulder. “Love you, beautiful. Have fun, ladies.”
And with a slam, he and Fliss were gone.
We all stared at the door for a second and then blinked at each other.
Finally, Sabrina started cackling. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”
“He better not be doing any more cursing around her.” Hope glowered. “Fliss will be cussing like a sailor by the time we send her off to preschool if he’s not more careful.”
Sabrina laughed. “She can barely say mama and dada. I think you’re safe. I can’t believe Austin is proposing.”
“I can’t believe it’s taken him this long to do it.” Hope shook her head. “They’ve been together almost—what?—two years? It’s beyond time.”
I nodded along and bit my lip. A pang lit up inside my chest, and I tried to hide my pain.
“Yay!” Hope clapped her hands. Her eyes sparkled. “Now we have two weddings to plan. That is if you’re not holding out on us…”
Sabrina scowled and waved her hands. “Oh no. Don’t you start. I’m getting plenty of hassle from Logan’s family; I don’t need you weighing in, too. Logan and I have way too much on our plates to even begin to think about weddings and babies. Maybe in a few years.”
And the talk quickly devolved into wedding planning. My living situation, Nathan, and our book club were forgotten.
Even though I was sitting in the room with my two best friends, I still felt kind of isolated. I wasn’t really part of the family. They both had two amazing, committed men—one was planning a wedding with her fiancé and gorgeous baby, while the other was planning grad school and a new career.
Meanwhile, my whole life was falling apart.
I tried to smile and laugh at all the right parts, when really, I felt like a failure.
* * *
That night, I sat down with my laptop—on Dylan’s couch—and made a plan.
I was getting my life back on track.
Step 1—Look for a new job.
With an ax hanging over my head, it wasn’t the time to wait and see. I knew what was coming, and I was going to get out in front of it. I searched local job listings and found a few promising leads. Then I looked up headhunting firms to see if they had anything worthwhile. It took a solid two hours, but I had a list of at least half a dozen places to apply.
Step 2—Research my options to get out of my lease.
I decided to draft a letter and send it to my landlord via certified mail. I listed my reasons for leaving, as well as the specific California laws he had to abide by. Hopefully he’d be able to re-rent the apartment quickly, and I wouldn’t be on the hook for too much more rent. Since I’d already paid this month, I’d have most of the month to move my stuff out.
Step 3—Find a guy (who wasn’t Nathan).
It was beyond time to face facts. Nathan wasn’t interested in me and would never see me as anything other than a pseudo sister. Sure, I’d dated some in the past, mostly fuckboys, but not in an embarrassingly long time.
Where should I start? Ask people to set me up? My skin itched at the thought. Blind dates were the worst, and ultimately humiliating. I couldn’t bear to see that shocked expression on my date’s face again.
Maybe I should start smaller. Find a guy for now, not forever. Just get back in the saddle, so the speak.
I downloaded the most popular hook-up app and started filling out my profile.
Name: Madison
Age: 26
Location: Sacramento, CA
Relationship Status: Single
My eyebrows went up at some of the choices. I mean I understood divorced, separated, but married was an option? Really? Sheesh.
Gender: Female
Height: 5’6”
Body Type:
Crap. Maybe I shouldn’t have wussed out and actually had Sabrina and Hope help me with this part. I hated talking about my body. I looked through the suggested answers. Slender. Athletic. Curvy. Plus-sized. None of them really fit. I was…me. Not skinny, not particularly round. Maybe I should just put average? Right, because that would sell me to the horny masses. Annoyed and starting to lose my nerve, I chose curvy and kept going.
Smoking: No
Drinking: Sometimes
Marijuana Use: No
Food: All the above
Star sign: Pisces
Pronoun: She/Her
Orientation: Straight
Kink Interests:
I mean…what did I put there? Some? I didn’t want to invite creepers, but if I was honest, I was curious. I’d read Fifty Shades, and some of it sounded crazy hot.
Screw it.
Kink Interest: Curious
Personal Message:
I wracked my brain for what to say. It had to be pithy but interesting. I didn’t want to sound needy or
