Charlie breathed a laugh through his nose and glanced at me from the corner of his eyes. I could see that they were clearer than before, less clouded with pain than they had been only a couple of days ago, and it somehow made his eyes even bluer.
‘The man’s right, yer know,’ he said. ‘You’re far too good for me.’
We had run into a problem at airport security when the guard had reached into my bag and pulled out the snow globe that I’d bought for Ned. The holy water inside sloshed around, making the tiny white flecks dance around in the liquid.
‘Yer can’t take this on the plane,’ she said with a scowl.
‘But it’s holy water,’ I said, frowning at my own words as they left my mouth.
‘Needs to go in checked luggage if yer want to take it with yer.’
‘I’ve only got hand luggage,’ I said, flustered.
The guard, a portly woman, with a belt so tight that it made her look like a balloon that was being squeezed in the middle, leaned forward, brandishing the snow globe for the whole tutting queue behind to see.
‘Just tip the water out and refill it when yer get home,’ Charlie said, with a sigh.
‘But it’s holy water.’
‘Come on. D’yer really think Ned’s gonna be able to tell the difference?’ He raised his brows and quirked his head.
‘Fine.’ I sighed. ‘Can I just tip the water away?’
The guard unscrewed the lid of the jar and tipped the water into a bin underneath the counter, the liquid taking all of the little grains of fake snow with it. She slammed it aggressively down on top of the clothes inside my bag and sent it back through the scanner.
‘I was wonderin’,’ Charlie said as we settled into our seats on the plane and the anxiety built up in my stomach. ‘When we get back, d’yer mind if I stay with yer for a while? I don’t think that I can go back to the apartment just yet.’
‘Of course,’ I said, my heart leaping a little at the thought of it. ‘I’m sure Ned won’t mind.’
‘Thanks,’ he said, sitting back and heaving a sigh. ‘You were right: I should have gone back home ages ago. I was just runnin’ from it.’
‘It’s going to take time,’ I replied. ‘Just be patient and ease will come.’
‘Oh, I almost forgot.’ Charlie shuffled his bag from between his feet, before rummaging around inside it and pulling George from inside, handing him to me with a smile. ‘For luck.’
‘I don’t think that a bobblehead will have much impact on if the plane goes down or not,’ I said, although the little plastic zombie had brought a smile to my face.
The plane door was shut and the flight attendants stood to give the demonstration. I swallowed the lump in my throat and braced myself for another mild panic attack. I clutched George with my free hand, my knuckles turning white around him.
Charlie looked at me, his hand upturned, waiting for mine. ‘You got this, Nell,’ he said as I slipped my hand into his and squeezed tightly. ‘You got this.’
‘And my son, Jeremiah, he’s just started working in a Wetherspoons to earn some more money while he studies,’ John, the Uber driver said into the rear-view mirror as the sat nav instructed him to pull up and drop me off on the right.
‘Good for him,’ I said, gathering up my bag and sending Charlie an apologetic smile. ‘I hope he enjoys his first year. I hear that Derby’s a great place to study.’
The car slowed and I popped the door, trying to leave so I could stop compulsively learning the driver’s entire family history. ‘Send my love to your wife,’ I called before shutting the door and wondering why I’d just said that.
‘Jesus, woman.’ Charlie sighed. ‘Yer ever thought about goin’ into interrogation?’
I chuckled as we began walking towards the house.
‘So, you’ve conquered yer fear of flyin’, guess that means the world’s your oyster now then?’
‘Hmm, I wouldn’t say conquered, more like, put a dent in. But I guess so. I mean, I’m still going to expect death every time the plane so much as wobbles, but I think it’s a good start.’ It was true. Knowing that I had been on a plane and not plummeted to my death had suddenly made the world feel a little smaller. Those destinations that I once thought unreachable were now tantalisingly close. Who knew, within no time at all I could become one of those insufferable people who posts pictures of crystal blue waters on Instagram and starts sentences with phrases like: ‘What I learned from my time hiking in Antigua was …’
I dropped my bag onto the doorstep and unzipped my bag to find my key.
‘You know, I didn’t think it was possible to make this thing any uglier,’ I said, pulling the snowless snow globe out and examining it.
‘Just fill it up from the tap and he’ll be none the wiser.’ Charlie chuckled and came to a stop beside the front door as I slid my key into the lock and pushed it open. The sound of loud power ballads floated through the kitchen door and I assumed that Ned was having an after-work chill-out session to the sounds of the one and only Michael Bolton.
‘I’ve got some body glitter upstairs from a Nineties party I went to a couple of years back. I might chuck that in with the water,’ I said, walking up the stairs with Charlie following me up to the landing. I let myself into my room, found the glitter in the back of a drawer and tipped the whole thing into the jar. I moved back out to the landing, making my way to the bathroom to refill it, when I found Charlie dithering on the landing, not knowing which way to go.
I swallowed hard and cradled the jar in my hands. ‘You can have the spare room if you like, or if
