‘Yeah,’ I replied. ‘I’m fine.’
‘So,’ Marnie said, guessing that the subject needed to be changed. ‘Have you decided what you’re gonna specialise in when you’re out there?’ She turned to me, her long purple box-braided hair swinging down in the air like little ropes.
‘Pretty sure I want to go into grief and bereavement counselling.’ I looked down at my toes and a small wave of sadness came over me. I gave myself five seconds to feel it before reining it back in and regaining my smile. Yes, my time with Charlie had been beautiful and painful and something that I would always remember with a tinge of regret that it had ended before it had ever really started. But being there for him, helping him through the most devastating event of his life, had helped me to figure out what I was good at and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. There were millions of broken hearts and grieving people out there and if I could help even one of them, then my time here on this planet was worthwhile.
The second I stepped from the train onto the platform, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and pulled it out to see that it was a call from Mum.
‘Hola, Madre,’ I said in my best Spanish accent.
‘Buenas Tardes,’ she replied, her accent so much better than mine. ‘How was uni?’
‘Good. Tom tried to get me to go out with them all tonight, but I passed.’
‘Oh, go on, Nelly. From what I hear this Tom has a soft spot for you.’ She’d been pushier and pushier ever since my almost love affair with Charlie. I think she was trying to flush the sadness from my system with the possibility of a few meaningless trysts.
‘No, Mum. Tom is, like, twelve.’
‘There is nothing wrong with a toy boy, Nelly. I’ve had more than a few in my time.’
I made a gagging sound. ‘I thought we agreed that we would never have a conversation about this ever again!’
‘Okay. Sorry, love.’ She sighed.
‘Has he been in touch?’ she asked, her tone almost pitiful.
‘Can we please talk about something else, before I start crying in the middle of the street?’
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘Have you heard from Joel?’
‘Mum! Of all the topics to try and cheer me up you go with Joel?’
‘I’m sorry, love, but your life is quite the minefield of conversational topics.’
The last I heard Joel was doing well and they were moving up to Scarborough to be amongst happy memories and Rachel had promised to get in touch when they were both settled.
‘There was actually something I wanted to talk to you about,’ Mum said.
‘And what’s that?’ I asked, trying to regain some composure as I turned onto my road and saw a couple of street lamps prematurely burst into life in the early evening light.
‘I was going to wait and tell you this face-to-face, but I can’t wait. I’ve accepted a permanent job offer in London.’
‘You’re coming home?’ I asked, my mood suddenly lighter. ‘Wait, does this mean that you and Ned are a thing, because if you think for one moment that I am ever gonna call that man Dad then you have another thing—’
‘No. I’m coming back for you, Nelly. What you said to me in the bathroom that night, well, it hit me pretty hard and I realised that I haven’t been the mother to you that I thought I’d been.’
‘So, you’re coming home, home?’
‘Well, I’ll be in London. But you’re a big girl now. You don’t need me hovering around. But I’ll be close enough to see you every week or so, if that’s something you want. I mean I understand if you don’t want me hovering. What fun is it having your mum there when you’re trying to have a social life? I’ve never been a hoverer and I certainly don’t expect to start now.’
Christ, was this what I sounded like when I babbled?
‘Mum. Firstly, I don’t have a social life and secondly, having you at my beck and call is something that I’ve wanted for at least the last decade of my life. But, as sod’s law would have it, I handed my New Zealand paperwork in yesterday.’
‘Oh, Nelly. That’s great. I’m so proud of you. I think you’re going to love it out there.’
‘I hope so. But it means that, once again, we’re going to be on opposite sides of the globe.’ I sighed, wondering for the thousandth time if this was the right thing to do.
‘Don’t worry about me, Nelly. I’m not going anywhere. Go off and have your long-overdue adventure and when you get back, you’ll know exactly where I am.’
I ended the call with Mum the moment I turned into the drive and pushed the phone into my back pocket. I felt slightly drunk with the idea that when I got back, she would finally be here, close enough to call if I needed her and I wouldn’t even have to look at my world clock app before doing so. As I reached the doorstep, I heard a sound that I recognised. It was so quiet that it was almost nonexistent, a quiet squeaking. I looked down and a small gasp escaped my lips, because there, sitting in the centre of the step, his head bobbing in the breeze, was George. I bent down so quickly that my knees clicked and I snatched him up. Beneath his feet was a folded-up piece of paper that I almost tore in half trying to open quicker than my trembling hands would allow.
When I finally got it open, I smoothed it out and read the message that simply said:
Coffee? On me.
C x
I’d thought that if this moment ever came, that nothing would be able to hold me back from running headlong in any direction Charlie was in. But right now, I couldn’t move.
Charlie was back and if I started now, I could
