“Bitch,” I growl. “You don’t know shit.”
Chapter Sixteen
AVAH
Hawk has never scared me. He’s tried to intimidate me and maybe attempted to frighten me, but he never actually has scared me, not until this moment. His voice is deep, raspy, and almost otherworldly. I’ve never heard this tone before, or seen his eyes so focused, so intense, and so terrifying.
His fingers tighten around my throat, then he pushes me away from him, releasing his grip. I don’t make a scene, not even as I stumble backward and almost lose my balance.
I don’t even lift my hand to my neck. I’ve been choked before. I’ve been hit, spit on, and anything else you could imagine. He could never do something to me that hasn’t already been done.
Well, almost.
He could love me.
But I would never expect it from him, no matter what Trista says.
“I know enough, Hawk. And yet, you’re right, I don’t know shit.”
“Yeah?”
Nodding my head, I bite the inside of my cheek, wondering if I should even ask. Then I decide, fuck it. I need to know and it’s stupid that I don’t already. I could find out from Trista, but I want to hear it fall from his lips.
“I don’t know your name.”
His eyes widen, obvious that he wasn’t expecting the statement. He clears his throat, lifting his hand before he runs his fingers down his thick bearded face.
“Orson.”
“Orson,” I whisper. “Orson.”
He hums, though stays planted in his spot, his feet unmoving. Tilting my head back, I look up into his gaze and stare at him for a moment. He doesn’t look like an Orson, but I like it, a lot. It’s different, but not weird or outlandish.
It’s classic, like my name.
A thought that I definitely should not be having, especially right now when we’re in the middle of an argument.
“You only think I’m treating you like a whore because you haven’t dealt with that part of your past.”
My head jerks and my lips part as his words tumble from his lips and he shocks the shit out of me, mainly because he’s kind of right. Although, he didn’t treat me nicely, so I don’t believe him one-hundred percent.
“What happens now? Because I’m not staying locked up in that room.”
“You want to be with Keaston?” he asks.
My lips twitch into a smile. “I didn’t want to be with him before and I don’t now. I know the other part is right though, you’re marking your territory and I don’t mind, just as long as it’s mutually pleasurable.”
He crosses his arms over his chest, his dark gaze watching me. “Earlier, that wasn’t about pleasure—”
“It was about dominance,” I say, interrupting him.
He grunts, though he doesn’t deny my words. “You gotta listen to me, need to follow my orders.”
“I don’t though, that’s the thing. I’m an adult, Hawk, and I’m not yours.”
Wrong. Thing. To. Say.
Whimpering, I take a step back, watching as the fire blazes in his eyes. He looks just as pissed off as he did earlier in his bedroom. The anger consumes him, it takes over and it causes his entire body to tremble.
Hawk leans forward, his gaze never leaving my own. “You are mine. Nobody else’s. Not now. Not ever. Mine,” he growls.
“But I’m not, not really. When this is done, when whoever is stalking me disappears, I’ll go back to my life and you’ll stay here.”
He shakes his head. “You’re wrong. This is your life.”
“I want a family,” I blurt out.
The anger that was blazing so brightly in his gaze, it extinguishes almost immediately. He clears his throat, taking a step back, then another. Retreat. His eyes shift to the side, then come back to meet mine.
“Yeah?”
I hum, nodding my head. “Yeah, Orson. I want a baby. I probably don’t need one. I’d do nothing but fuck it up, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want it, that I don’t want love.”
“You can have love without kids.”
Pressing my lips together, I think about asking him if that’s actually true. I don’t know much about love, but I know kids do that unconditionally. I know that I loved my parents even when my dad beat the shit out of me, even when he kicked me out. If he called me tomorrow and said he needed help, needed me, I’d probably run to him.
“You want my baby?” he asks, his voice low, almost a whisper.
Biting the inside of my cheek, I wonder if I should tell him the truth or lie to him and end this right here and now. I can’t do that though, I can’t lie to him, not about this. Not about us. I needed time to get myself together, but I didn’t, not really. How can you do that when a piece of you is missing?
“I do,” I breathe. “It’s a stupid want, but if there was anyone I’d want to have a baby with, it’s you.”
I’m sure I just scared the shit out of him. We are so fucking insane. We go from fighting one second to talking about having babies the next. I’ve been thinking and missing him for months, though. Seeing him in my hallway again, it just confirmed all of my feelings, and being here with him, it confirms so much more.
I can’t have what I want, not with him. We aren’t meant to have more. I need to do what I’ve been trying to do, I need to walk away and start over with someone who has no clue what I was in my past life. Either that or just let the senator take me and do what he wants, it’s the most cowardly option, but it’s also the one that is the easiest to just accept and deal with.
“It’s not stupid,” Hawk murmurs. “It’s not stupid at all.”
“But,” I breathe.
He shakes his head, his gaze focusing
