“We need to get over the border, without being searched. You know anyone?”
Pressing my lips together, I think about telling him no. I think about denying him completely, but I don’t. I don’t, because this isn’t about him and me. This is about so much more. This is about his club and the good they’re doing, though there’s plenty of bad mixed in there, too.
They’re going to take care of the men who are buying and torturing little girls and I can’t pretend that this won’t aid in that, because I know that it will, even if it is just another thing that will slowly destroy me.
“I know one of the senior executive officers at the Calexico checkpoints. I can get you guys in and out without an issue,” I admit.
His eyes widen. “Yeah?”
Nodding, I lick my lips, my eyes finding his and search his own, knowing that this will be one of the last moments that I ever see him. I can’t do this. I know that I need to whore myself for them, but after this I am no longer anyone’s whore, especially not a man that I have fallen for.
I need to find someone who doesn’t know what I have been in my past, because I no longer want to be that. I no longer want to sell myself for a bit of security. I thought that I was in charge of my destiny, that I was being a strong bitch, but I wasn’t. I was being weak and allowed my body to be used, and used, and used for a little money.
Maybe I’m being naïve, maybe we all sell ourselves for something whether it be money, a house, love, but I can’t do it anymore. I need something more. When I look in the mirror, I need to feel good, not aching sadness.
I need to figure out how to take care of myself, how to love myself again. Though to be honest, I’m not sure that I ever have even had an ounce of like for myself, let alone love. I need to find that though, if I don’t, then how can I expect anyone else to have any for me?
“Just let me go and get ready,” I murmur.
Standing from the comfy chair in my living room, I turn and start to walk toward my bedroom to call the officer, shower, and prepare myself for what I’m going to do. I don’t get far. Hawk’s hand wraps around the front of my throat causing my entire body to come to an instant halt.
His lips are right next to the shell of my ear, his breath washing over me, warm and delicious. I close my eyes, my lips parting slightly as I let out a silent sigh. His fingers flex around my throat, gently cutting off just a little bit of my breath, and my eyes roll back in my head just slightly.
Hawk’s other hand wraps around my waist and slides to the front of my stomach, his palm pressing against me to bring my back closer to his front. I press my lips together, biting the inside of my cheek when his hand begins to slide down my stomach and begins to unbutton my jeans.
“Hawk,” I warn.
He grunts, his teeth nipping my earlobe. “You ain’t goin’ to another man without me leaving my mark on you, babe.”
I let out a breath, trying to push away from him, but his muscles tighten and he holds me even closer against him. “I can’t, Hawk. You can’t. This isn’t about us, this is about more, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked me, right?”
He’s silent for a moment, but doesn’t loosen his grip on me. His breath washes over my skin and I close my eyes, trying not to allow the tears that are filling them to fall down my cheeks. I cannot let them fall, not right now and not in front of him. I am not weak, at least not emotionally, unless I’m drinking—but that’s a whole other story.
“Goddamnit,” he grinds out. “You’re mine.”
“No,” I breathe. “I’m really not.”
Without another word, I push his hands from my body and he allows it. Hurrying away from him, I make my way into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. Sinking down to my ass, I pull my phone out and search for the officer’s name.
Inhaling a deep breath, I close my eyes and calm myself. I need to make this call, I need to do this. I tell myself over and over again that this will be the last time. I’m doing this for a good cause, and even if I hate myself, I will be okay and I will survive all of this and move forward.
“Hey, baby,” he coos.
Clearing my throat, I nod my head. “Hey, Drew,” I breathe. “I have a favor to ask.”
“A favor?”
I hum, then I begin to explain what I can of the situation. He chuckles, obviously liking the fact that he’ll not only be getting me for free, but he’ll also have a carrot to dangle. Once I’m finished with my explanation, he chuckles again.
“You got it, babe. Come on down, I’m at the office.”
“I’ll be there in a few hours.”
“Be here all night, baby.”
Ending the call, I make my way toward the shower and wash with the hottest water that I can. I scrub my body until it’s red and raw. I’ll have to do the same when I come back here. But I need to at least feel as clean as possible until I feel vile and disgusting.
“I’m ready,” I announce as I walk into the living room.
Hawk is sitting in the chair that I abandoned about thirty minutes ago. He lifts his head, his eyes shifting up and down my entire body. I watch as his gaze darkens directly before me. His lips turn down in a frown, then he slowly stands to his feet. He’s got a sweatshirt in his grip and he’s wringing
