“I’m not, actually,” I say, and it’s true, I’m not.
I don’t need to, because Hawk is doing enough freaking out for the both of us. He’s straight-up panicked after his nightmare and I can tell that he’s thinking about sprinting away from me. I can only hope that talking with him brings him back, but I can’t be sure at all.
“I am,” she breathes. “It seemed fantastic when I agreed to go, but now…”
I’m not sure when I became her confidant, but after the way she treated Trista, she’s lucky I’m civil to her. Just because she’s fucking my old neighbor, it doesn’t make us friends. If I left Hawk tomorrow, I have no doubt she’d be trying to weasel her way into his bed. She’s not picky at all.
“Gotta jump in headfirst sometimes,” I state before I turn and walk away from her.
Keaston is standing a few feet away and I stop in front of him. He dips his chin, his gaze finding mine. Stopping, I tilt my head back to look up at him. His lips curve up into a grin.
“You need anything from LA when I get there?”
I think about running back for a moment. If I leave today, then it won’t matter if Hawk never comes back. I’ll move on as best as I can and he’ll do… whatever, probably screw more women and drink more booze.
“Avah?” Keaston calls out.
Shaking my head once, I pinch my eyes closed, then open them again. “No, I think that most of it was brought here. I don’t think there’s much left.”
Keaston nods, though his eyes search my face for a long moment. He lets out a sigh, then lifts his hand and runs his fingers through his hair. “You need anything at all, babe, you just call me, yeah?”
Licking my lips, I press them together as I nod my head. “Thanks, Keaston. Thank you for everything that you did.”
I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything at all. Instead, I walk past him and back inside of the building, out of the hot sun. I’m glad that the place is quiet, the party last night did everyone in and they’re all recovering. Bypassing all of the passed-out bodies, I make my way into the kitchen and search for something to drink and eat.
“You good?” a deep voice murmurs.
Spinning around, I see Taz standing with his shoulder leaning against the doorjamb. “I’m good,” I breathe.
He chuckles, shaking his head. “You ain’t.”
“I’m not.”
He arches a brow, quietly waiting for me to speak. I’m not sure what to say. What I should or shouldn’t say. Taz isn’t really my friend, but at the same time, I’m not sure if I can talk to Trista about this, not that I think it would upset her, but it’s just not cool.
“He’s going to run again,” I whisper.
Admitting it aloud is a lot different than thinking it. Saying that he’s not coming back, it makes it real—too real. Licking my lips, I look down at my feet. I’m dressed down today, my body aching, my heart breaking with every breath that I take.
“Have anything to do with the bruises on your neck?”
Shrugging a shoulder, my gaze shifts to the side, then comes back to meet his. “It was a nightmare. The shit we went through, the shit he went through. He hasn’t processed.”
Taz nods his head a couple of times. “Lot to process, especially since it just happened. Don’t mean he’s walking away.”
“How well do you know him?” I ask, arching a brow.
“He tries, then I’m going to find him and drag his ass back,” Trista calls out from behind Taz.
There’s a moment of silence as she steps out from beside him. Her arms are crossed just below her breasts and her eyes are narrowed on me. She shakes her head a couple of times.
“Then, I’ll kill him,” she snaps.
My eyes widen as I press my lips together. “Trista,” I hiss.
“Seriously. I won’t have it. He’s going to be a husband, a father to your kids, and a fucking grandfather. What he’s not going to be is a scared fucking pussy.”
“Beautiful,” Taz warns.
Trista holds up her hand to shut him up, but her gaze is pointed directly at me. “I’m not joking. He’s not doing it again, not at almost sixty. It’s time for him to step up to the plate and be a man.”
I want to tell her that just because he is almost sixty doesn’t mean he’s going to magically change. I have a feeling that Hawk isn’t going to magically change at all and maybe he was right when I first arrived. Maybe we should have had our fun, then after the senator was dealt with, I could have just gone on my way.
But not me, not Avah. I wanted more. I wanted everything, because that’s the kind of person I am. I see something and I want it, so I figure out a way to get it.
This time it wasn’t financial security, clothes, bigger tits. It was a man, and I wanted Hawk so damn badly, I was willing to put my heart on the line. Like a fucking idiot.
Chapter Thirty-Five
HAWK
I’m supposed to ride straight to Marshall’s place, but in true Hawk fashion, I don’t. Instead, I quietly climb toward the edge of the Donkey Puncher’s clubhouse. I don’t bust in there and gun them down like the cowards that they are, no matter how badly I want to do just that.
Instead, I watch.
Dragon claims we’re close to being able to exact our revenge on the fucks. I hate having to wait. I want to take them out, I want to make them suffer, make their families suffer for what they did and what they tried to do not only to our club, but to my fucking daughter.
I notice something from
