Next thing I knew, I was bein’ held face down on a lower bunk, one vato sittin’ on my back, another one on my legs. I was yellin’ an’ callin’ for the guards, even though I knew they wouldn’t come, ‘specially since the rest of the floor was yellin’ along with me. Then this one chunky asshole named Paco slapped me a few times an’ told me I was gonna suck them off, told me that’s all they wanted. An’ he told me that if I bit any one of ‘em, they’d cut my balls off. He showed me a shiv to prove he could do it. Then he pulled out this thing that looked like an eyedropper an’ was about th’ same size as one till he yanked it to where it was hard, an’ put it up to my mouth.
“C’mon, puta,” he whispered. “Take it. Do it right.”
An’ I did. I took it. That’s how scared I was. An’ I gagged as I did it, an’ not just because of what he was doin’ to me but also because he was so...fuckin’...dirty. Stank of piss an’ shit an’ head cheese. I choked on it as he shoved it in an’ out like he was fuckin’ my face. An’ when he came, I almost blew chunks. Then his buddies did the same thing to me, all of ‘em so fuckin’ much like Paco, I couldn’t tell ‘em apart. Then they called me a fuckin’ puta, slapped me around a bit an’ flopped on a bunk to talk an’ play cards.
My brain went dead. I couldn’t believe what I’d just done, all without any real fight. Somethin’ I’d never of thought could happen to me. But it had. An’ I couldn’t even think about it. I just lay where they left me an’ my mind stayed blank. I’d of lay there all night but after about an hour, Paco slapped my ass an’ told me it was his buddy’s bunk, so I had to climb onto a top one. I spent the night starin’ at the ceilin’, not thinkin’ or anything. I felt filthy an’ sick an’ I was shakin’ an’ I hated my fuckin’ mother so fuckin’ much, right then, if she’d come t’ get me I’d probably have killed her. I didn’t sleep a wink.
But that wasn’t the worst part. That came the next night, after lights out. That’s when Paco an’ his buddies yanked me off my bunk an’ slammed me against the wall. Then Paco started rubbin’ my ass an’ tellin’ his buddies how nice an’ round it was. He said it in Spanish, not realizin’ I knew some. Just enough to figure out what he’s sayin’.
I tried to get away from him, but his guys held me too tight. So I said, “C’mon, man, I did what you wanted, last night. So leave me alone. Please, man...please.”
Paco laughed an’ yanked my pants down to my knees, then he pulled my briefs down. Then he rubbed his hands over my skin, sayin’, “He’s sweet. Smooth as my bitch’s ass. An’ white.” An’ then he rammed himself inside me. No warnin’, just somethin’ that felt as big as a fuckin’ banana suddenly inside me.
I felt like I was being ripped in half, it hurt so fuckin’ much! I screamed, I know, but I don’t remember for how long. All I can tell you for sure is, he kept pumpin’ into me an’ it kept hurtin’ an’ his buddies kept gigglin’ about it for what seemed like hours before he stopped. Then the others fucked me, each one of ‘em. An’ when they were done, they said I was theirs. Let everybody in the jail know it. I didn’t have the first fuckin’ idea what to do, so I let ‘em get away with it. An’ I kept tellin’ myself I could hold out till my time was up.
But after a couple weeks, Paco got sick of me an’ started tryin’ to pass me around for cigs an’ dope. By that point, I wasn’t dumb-fuck enough to let ‘em turn me into a jailhouse cunt, so I let slip to the whole wing how “Paco’d slapped me with a dose of herpes.” Nobody wanted to even try me out, then. He got pissed as shit when he found out, an’ him an’ his vatos came close to killin’ me, that night -- punchin’ me an’ kickin’ me an’ throwin’ me around. I let ‘em till they threw me on the bunk an’ started rippin’ at my pants. I was ready for ‘em, this time. I’d hidden a plastic fork behind the bed. I got real still, like I’d given up was gonna let ‘em butt-fuck me, again. Then just as Paco was ready to plow into me, I jolted an’ kicked his amigos off me an’ swung the fork at Paco. I nearly ripped his balls off. Then I used it to hold his vatos back till the guards came. They didn’t have much choice, that time, he was screamin’ so fuckin’ loud. The second I heard ‘em gettin’ close, I broke the fork, chucked it down the toilet an’ flushed.
Shit, I couldn’t tell who was more pissed -- the vatos or the guards cause they couldn’t prove I had a weapon. They threw me into a basement cell for a week, anyway, till they could sort their shit out. Then I got released after the infirmary doctor confirmed I was just defendin’ myself against “a brutal sexual assault,” an’ they shifted the vatos to another cell block. I got even smarter an’ told this guy from that block who
