Almost as though they’d heard Jeb’s thoughts, the group of people veered to the left, nearly reversing course entirely. Likely Freeman taking them the luckiest direction.
Jeb flew down, blowing through the swarm of monsters surrounding Freeman’s group like a cloud of gnats.
A winged creature bounced off Jeb’s windshield a moment before he dropped down in front of Freeman.
The skinny old Cajun looked a little worse for wear, dripping blood from cuts and scratches all over his body. He wiped a bit of blood away from his eye and did a double take when Jeb arrived.
“Jeb! T’ell you ben!?”
“Long story,” Jeb shouted over the din of combat, spotting Brett, Amanda, and Jess hard at work holding the line against the World Tortoise’s unending waves. Jeb could understand the decision to leave Ron behind.
The people in the army might not be so happy to see him after the zombies went berserk.
Fucking Eddie. Jeb had been tempted to murder him as soon as they arrived in the past, but he wanted to maintain maximum continuity.
“We’ve gotta go southwest!” Jeb said, pointing a little further west. “It’s about to get messy back there!”
“Tha’swat ah tot!” Freeman said, “But ‘dese baddies ‘r slowin us down sumthin fierce!”
“I can help with that,” Jeb said, putting his Myst threads up into the sky to lacerate unsuspecting creatures and take some of the pressure off.
Not used to running on my stump, Jeb thought, grimacing as he did his best to run alongside the rest of them whilst picking off the fliers swarming above.
The monsters gradually lessened, but the rumbling in the earth grew more and more intense as the mountain to the east climbed to its feet.
“GADDAM!” Freeman shouted, glancing over his shoulder as the titan rose to its feet. “Dere’s sumthin you don’t see er’dey!” Freeman grinned with a toothless chuckle as the flaming mountain charged forward and bowled the turtle over with a solid shove.
The impact sent aftershocks and a violent gust of wind all the way to where they were standing, thrashing them with loose branches and detritus.
Like someone flipped a switch, the hundreds of creatures swarming around them turned tail and retreated back to their home at full speed.
The sudden relief gave everyone a chance to sit and catch their breath while they watched the World Tortoise get squished into paste.
Crack!
Boom!
The massive landmass of a shell cracked under the titan’s furious blows that drove the tortoise deep into the ground.
Please. Please…FUCKING KILL IT THIS TIME!
Jeb’s knuckles went white as he clenched his fists, hoping with everything he had.
Let us out of here, you sick bastards.
The titan kneeled down in front of the motionless turtle and began driving its skull into the ground with two-fisted overhead blows.
Ding!
The boss of Impossible tutorial number 3773 has been defeated! Congratulations!
“YES!” Jeb pumped a fist hard enough to hurt his shoulder as news of their victory scrolled through his mind.
Tallying individual contribution…..0.4%
Closing tutorial…
ERROR.
Spacetime in conflict.
Attempting resolution…ERROR.
Attempting resolution…ERROR.
Attempting resolution…ERROR.
Attempting resolution…ERROR.
Attempting resolution…ERROR.
Attempting resolution…ERROR.
Jeb’s heart sank as the error messages kept rolling past, dozens, hundreds, thousands of error messages. Each time it said the same thing he grew a little less hopeful.
…
…….
Paradox instance overflow.
Higher Power invoked.
“HEE!” Freeman grunted, a wave of causality-bending Myst spreading out from him.
“Wha-“
Jeb’s ears popped as the air pressure shifted, the scenery subtly shifting around him. Jeb didn’t have any time to wonder why though, as a brilliant light blasted down, nearly blinding him.
“Gah!” Jeb covered his eyes and tried to get his bearings. His stomach was leaping up into his throat as he spun lazily through the air, seemingly in zero-G.
Jeb realized he was floating above the treeline, the rest of Freeman’s group looking up at him curiously. He could faintly see five other beams of light in the distance.
Jeb’s stomach lurched as someone hit the accelerator, launching him straight up into the sky.
He channeled Myst and tried to hold himself in place, pull himself out of the alien abduction beam, but his Myst was shredded the moment it left his Core, leaving him twirling through the air like an unwilling aerial acrobat. Jeb felt like hurling.
The hundreds of Mystic triggers on his person unraveled and flowed behind him in a trail of magical confetti as he was sucked upward.
Are they removing the paradox? Jeb thought to himself, heart hammering in his chest. The most obvious way to resolve the issue would be to remove Jeb from the equation and rewind a little, to before the stunt with the treasure sphincters.
If I were an alien overlord, would I leave the monkeys who broke my software alive? Probably not. Fuck me sideways.
He saw a gaping orifice for an instant before everything went black.
Chapter 23: The Winner’s Circle
“Oof!” Jeb was dashed against cold, hard ground, rolling over a couple times before coming to a halt. The floor was smooth under his skin. Matte, non-reflective black.
Still alive, Jeb thought, putting his shaking arms underneath him. Being capable of conscious thought was an excellent sign of still drawing breath.
Jeb’s stump ached like it hadn’t in weeks, his limbs were barely strong enough to pick him off the floor.
I should be stronger than this, Jeb thought as he pushed himself up, nearly toppling back to the ground as he realized his peg leg had been flung off in the tumble through the sky.
He tried to lift himself off the ground with his Myst, but Jeb’s core was no longer a burning star. It felt more like a ball of lead in his chest. Inert, heavy and cold.
Damnit, Jeb thought, sinking
