CHAPTER FOUR
Schaeffer helped me to my quarters. I was tired again, so I didn’t ask any more questions. They could wait until the briefing.
The door to my room slid open, but I froze one step inside. “Remy. You’re here!”
“Shara, you’re all right?” Instantly he went defensive as Schaeffer followed me into the room. “I cooperated! Now, what’s going on?”
I stepped between the two men, glaring back at Schaeffer. This was him being the ass again, not warning me. I looked to Remy, putting my hand on his chest, but the dizziness rushed over me again.
Batista wanted out, but I held tight to the coin. This was going to get worse when Remy found out I wasn’t a hostage. Schaeffer planned this, probably to force integration. “I need to explain this to my husband.”
Schaeffer didn’t try to hide his sarcastic grin. “As you see fit, Col. Kazan.”
“You haven’t left me a choice.”
Schaeffer nodded, but I waited until the door closed. In my head I clamped my hand tighter around that coin.
Remy searched my eyes. “What’s going on? Why did they bring us here, and why does he keep calling you Col. Kazan?” He pulled me over to the bed and made me sit down. “Why did they take you out of the hospital? What about your migraines?”
He had so many questions. I wasn’t sure where to start. “We need to talk, and you’re not going to like this.”
His face paled. “You’re not all right.” He wrapped his arms around me.
His arms felt good, but odd also. He kissed me and it felt wrong. That coin in my hand took on a life of its own, trying to flip over to her. She fought to get out and I was suddenly overwhelmed with a possessiveness I’d never imagined. No! I had him first. I was the one to fall in love with him. I was the one he married.
I was the one who made the choice he knew nothing about. Guilt replaced my sense of ownership. I allowed them to split my consciousness.
A secret couldn’t be revealed if it wasn’t remembered. Kazan kept the secret when I was Batista, his wife. Batista couldn’t remember anything but that other life. But that lie was over. Kazan was my real personality.
Guilt won and I pushed Remy away. “Stop, please. It’s not what you think. I’m not sick.” I got up from the bed. Remy’s eyebrows did that thing they did when he was worried, scrunching together.
“I am Col. Shara Kazan, co-commander of an elite exploration team, a secret division of the U.N. Space Alliance. I’ve been a member for the last fifteen years, almost from the day I enlisted.”
I was trying to hurry, to keep him from interrupting until I got my secret out. “When I married you, I had to make concessions to stay in the Corps. Secrets are too hard to keep, so I agreed to let them split my identities. Here I’m Col. Kazan. When I get back from my missions, I undergo a process to block my memories, so I can be Capt. Shara Batista. She has no idea I exist. When she goes TDY, I’m reactivated.”
Remy’s eyebrows only became more welded together.
“I’m the primary, the original.”
I could see him thinking behind those brown eyes. “You’ve been doing this the whole time we were together? Ten years?”
His question surprised me. “You… believe what I just told you, no questions about drugs, brain damage, delusions?”
“I knew something was wrong, something I couldn’t figure out. I told you that before things got crazy.” Remy took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Back to my question.”
“Ahhhmm, I agreed to it before we got married.” I could see he didn’t care for my answer. “It worked, until this glitch. They figured out what was wrong, but now I’m needed back on the job.”
“What?” There went the eyebrows again, his lips getting tight. “Just like that? What job? Where? What about me, us? They didn’t just kidnap me. They have Lizzy too. What are we supposed to do, forget this hap…pened?”
He never was slow. Another reason I had to split my personalities.
“Are you serious?” He took a step towards me, but stopped at an arm’s distance, his hands clenched in anger. “You’re going to make us forget this? It’s more than just us. People at the hospital will ask questions. Your friends will wonder where you went, where Lizzy is.”
We were expected at our reunion and anywhere Lizzy went drew attention, as would her disappearance. No doubt Schaeffer came up with a cover story everyone would believe, but should I say that, to him? No! Not with him glaring down at me like he didn’t recognize me at all. I felt hurt.
But I shouldn’t. I made this choice, but I was also the one he married. He should still love me! Before I could tighten my hold, the coin flipped over.
I staggered back, looking at Remy, then down at myself. I heard all of what Kazan said, all I said. This was insane. If what she said was true, I was never real. “Remy?”
I started to cry at the anger in his eyes, towards her, towards me. Not a trickle, no… gushing rivulets dripping down onto my hospital robe, turning it an even uglier shade of blue. “It’s me!”
Remy caught me as the coin spun wildly. His hold on me only brought the tears on harder. Her, me, her, me. Kazan, Batista. Everything spun so fast it felt like we would split, not into two pieces, but a million. His arms clamped down around both of us.
CHAPTER FIVE
Tucked against his chest, I didn’t want to think, though I had no choice. Who was I right now? In my head I looked for the coin, for what side it landed on, but it wasn’t in the place
