In his book Blessing or Curse You Can Choose, Derek Prince (2006) writes:
There may be forces at work in our lives that have their origin in previous generations. Consequently, we may be confronted with recurrent situations or patterns of behavior that cannot be explained solely in terms of what has happened in our lifetimes or personal experiences (pp. 33 – 34)[4].
Without sounding like a Twilight Zone episode, I now understand that there are behaviors we repeat because we are not aware we are making them. We simply walk haphazardly into traps because we are not paying attention to the signs, and we consider some forms of dysfunction normal.
For example, I know that alcoholism runs rampant through the maternal side of my family. I have consciously decided not to drink. To me, this is an obvious generational curse that I have chosen to avoid. But others are more inconspicuous.
Her Story
My maternal grandmother was eighteen years old when she married my grandfather. They remained married for 52 years before his death on November 2, 2004.
Mama started having children at the age of 19 and didn’t have her last child until she was 39 years old. Unlike her children, my grandmother was born when her mother was just 14 years of age. She, along with four of her siblings, was raised by her grandparents. She was the oldest of eight children. My grandmother never finished high school, but she remains an avid reader.
My maternal grandfather was the youngest of three children conceived during the marriage of James and Ezzie Smith. However, my grandfather never even met his father because he died before his birth.
My great-grandmother later remarried. In total, Mama Ezzie had nine children, two of which died as infants. The house I grew up in actually belonged to my great-grandmother. She died when I was a sophomore in high school at the age of 89.
It was Mama Ezzie who taught my grandparents how to farm the land to provide food for their large family. My grandfather was the sole breadwinner, working for the railroad for years until he was forced to retire on disability due to a serious back injury.
His Story
My paternal grandfather was born in 1922 to Ruby and Curly Gordon. From their union, eleven children were born, my grandfather being the second oldest. The two later divorced.
My great-grandfather moved away and remarried approximately five years later, having five more children. This marriage also resulted in divorce.
In 1952, my great-grandfather moved to Gary, IN and married again. He remained married until his death on January 7, 1972. My paternal great-grandmother never remarried but had two additional children from other relationships.
My dad’s father, who we affectionately called Paw Paw, married my paternal grandmother and had five children. My grandmother had a child prior to marriage. My grandfather worked as a carpenter and a farmer. The two established their lives in Calhoun City, MS. I do know that my grandmother was a teacher and the owner of a small café.
My father has no real recollection of his mother because she died when he was around two years old. According to one of my father’s older sisters in her autobiography, my grandfather was married a total of twelve times. He remarried one of his wives twice. He went on to have three more children from these unions.
I have heard stories of how the women my grandfather chose to marry weren’t always kind to his children, even abusive. In her book Whoever You Are, Wherever You Are, It’s Okay (2010)[5], my aunt describes how several of my grandfather’s wives brought additional children into the marriage. This dynamic often created strife because of the perceived favoritism shown between the groups of children.
Looking over my family history reveals a thread of predominant patterns that are so prevalent that they had become normal for me. It became a normal pattern of behavior for grandmothers to raise their grandchildren on the maternal side of the family. Fatherlessness and abandonment—either through illegitimacy, divorce or death—is another recurrent theme that runs throughout both sides of my family tree.
Although my mother’s generation had the luxury of being raised with both their parents, a significant number of children in the generation before and after did not. Paternally, divorce is a theme that we see over and over again for at least four generations. The awareness of these themes arms me with the ability to ward against them. I am mindful of how the decisions I make as an adult impacts the lives of my children and possibly even my grandchildren. It empowers me to stand against the enemy by doing the necessary research, understanding the spiritual and emotional impact of these curses and disseminating information to my children to prevent the persistence of these behaviors.
Victory Over My Past
Romans 12:2, NKJV
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
So, where do I go from here? How do I move forward and leave behind the mistakes of my past?
The rug has been lifted and all the junk that I have avoided dealing with has been uncovered. Wounds are being healed. Divorce papers have been filed and a truce has been established between my estranged husband and me. Peace has once enveloped my existence and I truly believe that I have finally entered a season of rest and restoration.
Although it took a couch in a counselor’s office to get to the root of my emotional angst, it was my faith that pulled me from the depths of my despair. For a long time, I wallowed in self-pity. I realized that my choices created the circumstances
