In my mind, the only thing to do was take full responsibility for my mistakes and ride the tide. I felt like a failure in so many ways.
I failed to hold my marriage together. I failed to honor the vow I made to myself to raise my children in a two-parent household. I failed to advance professionally because I allowed the chaos of my personal life to consume so much of my energy that I lost the ambition and motivation to actively pursue a promotion.
I had stopped using my spiritual weapons of prayer, meditation on God’s Word and faith-filled confession to combat the attack the enemy was unleashing on my mind. I fell for the trap the enemy had set for me by focusing on the negative circumstances happening in my life and adopting a destructive self-perception.
How I viewed myself was no longer in alignment with who God said I was. I started to adopt all the labels that life’s circumstances had saddled me with. I wasn’t able to break free until I came to the realization that the things I had gone through were not meant to destroy me. Everything I had gone through was conditioning me to stand in the face of adversity and to share my story to assist others who are going through the same things.
Unfortunately, nothing draws us closer to God than trouble. Fortunately, God used the trouble in my life as a catalyst to pull me out of the complacency and apathy that had begun to take over my existence.
The key to enduring the process, as painful as it was, was to infuse my mind with the Word of God. I had to work to change my thinking about myself. In the closing chapter, I leave you with a few of the scriptures that catapulted me from this place.
Sword of Strength
Psalm 139:13–14, NKJV
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
My life has value. I allowed the enemy to use the spirit of rejection to steal my self-worth.
Regardless of the circumstances of my birth, I am not a mistake. This passage of scripture also tells me that I am a beautiful creation because everything created by God is good.
None of my decisions have surprised God. My frailties and faults don’t diminish my worth; they simply make me more dependent on Him to prevent these weaknesses from hindering my course.
None of the things that I have done have altered who God created me to be. Oftentimes, the conditions of life that open the door to the spirit of rejection are beyond our control. Children have no control over the details of their conception, birth or upbringing. Children cannot control whether or not their parents stay together.
As adults, what we do have control over is how we process these events and what we decide to hold on to or release. We can also decide if we are going to allow the enemy to deceive us about who we are or if we will choose to believe who the Word of God says we are.
Jeremiah 29:11, NKJV
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
My life has purpose. My mistakes do not have the power to erase my destiny. Satan used deception to make me think that the sum of all of my mistakes took away the validity of my voice and minimized my influence. I allowed my circumstances to make me question my worth as a person and my effectiveness to the kingdom. I almost allowed my chaotic personal life to prevent me from going forward with the things that God had called me to do.
The biggest lesson I learned throughout this journey is that God doesn’t require perfection, just availability. I can make peace with my past. I can look forward to my future.
Life’s difficulties can be compared to pruning shears. The cutting of the branches is painful. The releasing of ineffectual relationships, mindsets and habits can be excruciating, but yielding to the process can lead to a life greater than anything we can possibly imagine.
Romans 8: 35-39, NKJV
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written:
“For Your sake we are killed all day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.” Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I am loved. The hardest part of my faith for me to accept at times is that God loves me because I am. Period.
He loves me because I am here and because I am His. His love for me isn’t contingent upon how I behave. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me anymore or any less.
His love for me is unconditional. Although obedience pleases God and is directly attached to the blessings of God, it is not a prerequisite of His love for me. God’s love is a love that I can rest in and depend on.
Isaiah 43:25, NKJV
“I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins.
I am forgiven. God has granted me forgiveness for
