I took the state test and passed before getting a job offer from Carson County, where I became a deputy sheriff. After catching the eye of Rob Roach at the Panhandle Police Department, I was recruited and I switched jobs. They paid more at Panhandle, and I was able to receive more training. My police chief, Loren Brand, was from Chicago and retired in 2020 as sheriff of Carson County. I had so much respect and learned a great deal while working with him. When Chief Brand moved up, Rob became the chief of police, and I was promoted to the training officer.
My career was advancing more and more with each passing year. I loved my job and getting to serve and help those in the community where I lived.
It was my personal life where things got clouded.
2
In early 2001, while I was still working for Potter County Jail and attending the police academy, I met my first wife, M. She worked at the jail with me. The moment I saw her, I was instantly attracted. But having been shy my entire life, I knew talking to her was out of the question. Our coworkers would laugh at the two of us, because any time I would see her coming, I would immediately turn and practically run in the opposite direction.
During our lunch hour one night, I watched from across the room as she ate her meal. She was licking a spoon, and as I stared, she happened to glance over at me. My blush probably could have lit up the room, I turned so red. Later, when I finally got up the courage to talk to her and ask her out, she gave me a plastic spoon. “I like you,” was written on it, and I held on to that memento.
Our relationship progressed, and I soon couldn’t imagine my life without her. We went on vacation together to Vegas, and we were so enamored of each other, I think everyone assumed we would come home married and were shocked when we didn’t.
Not long after that vacation, I bought a ring. For a while, I tried to plan how to propose, wanting to make it romantic and special, but I just couldn’t hold it in. One night, she came over, and I busted out the ring and blurted out the proposal. Without hesitation, she said yes.
We moved in together, and when I began working for Carson County, she followed and worked as one of the dispatchers. The running joke with everyone was that she got to tell me where to go and what to do both at home and at work.
In July of 2001, we got married. By October of 2003, we welcomed our first child, a daughter. My girl is incredibly smart and beautiful, and I am beyond proud of all that she has already accomplished in life. She works hard in school and sports, and she plans on becoming a nurse.
When my daughter was still very young, we found out my mom was sick. She was the type of person who didn’t go to the doctor for any reason. Maybe it was her generation, but I could never remember her or Dad speaking openly about…well, anything, but definitely not their health. By the time they found her cervical cancer, it was too late for treatment. It was her request to have hospice come in, and for weeks, we all waited for the call from Dad that it was her time.
It’s hard to remember those moments because I was a true momma’s boy, while my brother was closer to our father. Saying goodbye to my mother was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. One evening, Dad called and said her time was coming fast.
That night, I sat by her bed and held her hand. She must have been dreaming and not quite in her right mind. Because of the cancer, she couldn’t even close her eyes, but she kept telling me about when she was a little girl and riding horses. I read her the entire book of Solomon, and as the night went on, I told her it was okay for her to let go, to go on home.
Not long afterward, she took her last breath while I sat by her side.
It was harder for me than anyone could have understood. Not just losing her, but not being able to handle or express the grief that constantly seemed to live inside me.
It caused issues between M and me.
We separated. She went to live with her family with our daughter, and I moved in with my dad back in Hereford. During that time, we both started seeing other people. I met a woman who had a son. We talked for several months and even began dating, but I didn’t want to be a part-time father. M and I decided to work things out and moved to Ralls, Texas, where I took my first police chief job.
Life went on. My marriage wasn’t perfect; we had our issues—mainly money and how we handled our finances—and then later on, her parents became a problem. In 2010, while she was pregnant with our son, we moved to Pampa, Texas, and we bought our home in March of 2011. Mostly, the move was to be closer to my dad, but we lost him in July of that same year.
Losing one parent is hard, but losing both is agony.
I didn’t know how to work through my grief, and it was all starting to build up inside me.
The loss once again put a strain on my marriage.
3
My weight was something I always struggled with. All my life, I was simply a big boy. But I was getting older, heavier, and frankly, I was miserable. At 430 pounds,
