But most of all, how could she accept such a huge gift from the man she loved but who had made it clear he didn’t want anything serious.
The man she loved…
Her heart ached.
She’d fallen for him and till that moment, she hadn’t admitted that to herself.
All these few weeks of aching, of hurting, of wanting, of yearning…it was all because she’d fucking fallen in love with him.
A myriad of emotions swelled within her.
Geblit raised his voice. “Will you be giving me that sample or not? I need it for the registration.”
Nia shook her head. “No.”
Geblit looked surprised. “No?”
“No,” Nia repeated and began walking away. Her chest was heaving and her breath was beginning to come hard as if she was stuck in a small dark space.
“Well, I guess you can come in and deposit the sample yourself at some other time,” she heard Geblit murmur as she hurried away.
She just needed a place to think by herself and maybe things would make sense.
41
Things didn’t make sense the next day…or the day after that.
Actually, instead of things becoming clear, they only became more confusing.
Each hour that went by drew another unanswered question till her nights were filled with her staring into the darkness, unable to sleep as her thoughts plagued her.
At least, in the daytime, she could push her thoughts aside and focus on work.
Still, that didn’t get rid of the seething underneath her skin.
Nia grabbed the shovel as she entered the tilgran enclosure. Morpheus dipped his head, trying to nuzzle her, but Nia shrugged him off.
“Not today, Morpheus. I’m not in the mood.”
The tilgran raised its head and looked down at her.
Nia ignored the animal and began shoveling the waste, dumping it in the bucket near her feet.
Every shovel-full received a glare and every scrape of the shovel was fueled by the anger burning like a fire within her.
How dare him.
How dare him!
She wasn’t some charity case, if that’s what he saw her as.
She might not have much, but she was willing to find some way to pay for herself in this new world.
She hadn’t needed his charity.
Grabbing the bucket, Nia exited the enclosure and slammed the gate shut.
The bang echoed across the Sanctuary and when she turned, she almost bumped into Riv.
Gripping the bucket in her hand, Nia didn’t pause. She simply walked around the male and headed toward the fruit field.
It wasn’t the others’ fault, her current mood, but she couldn’t help it.
She didn’t want to speak to anyone and she didn’t want them trying to talk her into accepting this overly generous gift.
For it was very generous.
Generous enough for Riv to almost fall out of his seat when he’d opened the paper and read it.
Apparently, Geblit hadn’t been joking when he’d said Mr. Ka’Cit Urgmental had considerable assets.
He was wealthy…and now half of that wealth was hers.
Suddenly, she’d gone from having nothing to owning more than Sohut and Riv combined.
It didn’t feel right.
What had she done to deserve it? Nothing.
And therein lay the basis of the anger riding through her veins.
She didn’t deserve any of this.
She hated him.
Nia stopped walking at that thought. Her shoulders tensed and she gripped the bucket tighter.
No.
She didn’t hate him.
She hated herself.
This anger was because of her.
She hated the fact that she’d let the short time she’d spent with him get into her head so much.
She hated that she couldn’t accept the fact that he had already moved on.
But moved on from what?
They hadn’t actually said they liked each other or anything remotely close to that.
It was all emotions, nothing concrete, and when had she ever let emotions rule her life?
Her heart wrung and the anger swelled within her.
She’d wanted to join the army. Her emotions would have been useless then, ripped to pieces, shredded and buried before she’d gone on the battlefield.
Even as a nurse, her emotions also had to be shredded and buried before she treated a patient.
Emotions were useless.
So fuck him!
She spent the next few minutes dumping the waste at the roots of the trees and trying to calm her mind before she headed back toward the main buildings.
A sigh left her body as she took a moment to set the bucket down and lean against one of the hay bales.
The sun was going down and the sky was slowly turning purple.
Far above, she could see a few stars already twinkling.
It was going to be a calm night.
If only she could sleep.
“Nia?” Nia jumped at Lauren’s voice. She hadn’t heard the woman approach.
“Hey, Lauren.” Nia forced a smile and Lauren’s eyes softened.
“You okay? Riv said you still seemed upset.”
“I’m fine.” She forced another smile. “I really am.”
Inside, something within her withered.
She knew she was throwing an adult tantrum but the whole Ka’Cit situation just made her mad.
He made her mad.
Lauren came to stand close by her and leaned against the hay as they turned to look at the setting sun.
“I was angry at Riv at one point, before we…got together. I wanted to pull his hair out. Hell, I wanted to kick him in the balls a few times.”
Nia’s eyes darted to her friend. “Wha—”
That was hard to believe. They were so in-love and good together.
“They can be stubborn sometimes. Set in their ways. Even when they know deep down that you’ll be perfect together.”
Nia began shaking her head before Lauren could continue. “This isn’t about me and Ka’Cit getting together.”
Lauren smiled then. “Who said anything about Ka’Cit?”
Realizing she’d just been cornered, Nia could feel her cheeks warm.
“You shared something, didn’t you?” Lauren’s gaze travelled over the sky and Nia was happy for the lack of eye contact for she was sure every raw emotion was playing out over her face. “Out there. You shared something.”
For a few moments, Nia didn’t reply.
“It was nothing.”
Lauren scoffed. “I think you know that isn’t true, or else his absence wouldn’t be affecting you like this.”
Nia opened her mouth, but Lauren continued. “And no, don’t deny it.
