“Wha…” The denial was already on her tongue but one glance at Lauren, at the soft, knowing smile on her face, and all Nia could do was sigh.
“Is it that obvious?”
Lauren shook her head. “No. At first, we thought it was the strain of what had happened to you out there. But then…when Geblit came with the registration document it became clear.”
“I hate him.”
Lauren laughed a little. “Who? Geblit? He’s a character all right.”
Nia shook her head. “No. Ka’Cit.”
“No, you don’t.”
No, she didn’t. She already knew it was herself that annoyed her the most.
She’d just admitted that fact a few moments before.
Nia hung her head. “I just don’t understand why he would do that for someone he doesn’t want anything to do with.”
Lauren’s hand rested against her back. “Did he say that?”
“No, but he didn’t have to. I thought I understood it, why he left like nothing happened between us, but then he goes and gives me half of everything he owns. I don’t get it. What does he want?”
“Maybe he wants you…”
Nia shook her head. “I don’t think he wants a relationship.”
“You’re wrong.” Riv’s deep voice made Nia jump and she realized at the same time that Lauren wasn’t surprised by it. Apparently, she’d gotten used to how he and his brother walked silently, even outdoors.
“What do you mean I’m wrong?”
“What you just said. You’re wrong. A relationship is the one thing Ka’Cit has always wanted.”
Something clenched inside Nia and she had to swallow hard as a ball of emotions rose into her throat.
“So…just not with me then…” She fought to push her emotions down.
It was fine.
She was a big girl.
But Riv only shook his head. “I saw the way he looked at you.”
Nia shrugged and choked on a mirthless laugh. “This is all just confusing. I mean, when someone ghosts you, it usually means they’re trying to turn you down easy without having to actually say it.” She shook her head again and turned to walk toward the house. “Don’t worry, guys, it’s ok. I’m okay. And thanks…thanks for trying to cheer me up.”
She took a few steps toward the main residence before Riv’s voice caught her ear.
“He doesn’t think he’s worthy of a mate.”
That made her pause.
“What?”
Riv growled and let out an exasperated breath. His gaze fell on Lauren and he studied her for a bit before letting out another breath. “He’s…even worse than me…my…deficiency.”
Nia’s brows furrowed. “I don’t understand. What deficiency?”
Riv’s gaze darted away and for the first time since she’d been on the Sanctuary, Nia saw the vulnerability in his eyes.
“Riv’s tail,” Lauren whispered as she wrapped her arms around her mate.
Nia’s gaze fell to Riv’s torso. That’s right. He had no tail. It had been removed long ago by some evil slave owner.
She remembered Lauren had mentioned Riv’s reluctance to be with her because of his lack of a tail, among other things.
In Merssi culture, they seemed to place high value on the males. Females were cherished and the males had to be perfect specimens.
But this didn’t explain anything. Nia’s brows only furrowed more. “Ka’Cit has a deficiency?”
For the life of her, she couldn’t think of what that was.
She’d seen him naked and he was perfect.
Confusion swam in her eyes as Riv raised a hand and pointed to his forehead.
For a moment, she didn’t understand what he was pointing at, but then realization dawned.
“He is smooth-faced,” Riv said.
Nia blinked.
Yes. Yes he was. She’d noticed that but she hadn’t thought it was a big deal.
“What does that mean?”
Riv shifted uncomfortably on his feet.
“It is not my place to say but if you ask any other Merssi, they will tell you. The smooth-faced are never to form a mate bond.”
“Why?”
Riv’s gaze fell on Lauren and then to her baby bump. He reached forward, resting his palm on his mate’s growing belly.
“Because they cannot create this. It is impossible for him to bear young.”
Nia blinked at him. “Ka’Cit…he can’t have children?”
Riv’s face was solemn as he shook his head. “His seed lacks a chemical females need. The frilli,” he touched the series of bumps along his brow, “indicate how potent that chemical is. Ka’Cit…he has no frilli. He would be thought of as unworthy by any female.”
Nia blinked again. “But I don’t think he was a virgin…”
In the past, she’d have blushed at talking so openly about her sex life but at the moment, she didn’t care.
Her curiosity was too strong.
Riv shrugged. “Females may use him for fun, but none would form a mate bond with him. He is…broken. Unfit.” He paused. “Unsuitable.”
“Like hell he is.” Her response seemed to startle Riv but her heart was beating so hard in her chest now that adrenaline was coursing through her veins.
The way he said those words gave her the impression those were not his thoughts but the way his people saw his friend.
Ka’Cit couldn’t produce children…
If that was the reason.
Nia closed her eyes. “Why didn’t he tell me…”
Her eyes were still closed when she heard Riv respond. “Telling the one you want the most that you can never give them the life they deserve…it isn’t easy.”
She opened her eyes to see Lauren look up at him with the utmost adoration in her gaze.
Riv stared down at Lauren as he continued. “He wouldn’t want you to be burdened by him. He wants you to be happy.”
Nia’s heart thumped.
She was happy with Ka’Cit.
When she was around him, she felt alive.
“Is that why he hasn’t visited since he found out about the baby?” Lauren whispered and Riv nodded.
“Fuck,” Nia whispered.
It didn’t seem like a big deal to her, but in his culture…
He’d have felt like an unworthy male, one undeserving of a family if he could not provide his mate with a family.
But she wasn’t Merssi.
Yes, she’d wanted kids in the future, but that wish
