“Enough.” My voice could slice glass, and it makes her fall silent almost immediately. My finger now points in Blair’s direction. “These two have been working tirelessly to ensure that the senior class has the best chance at winning Spirit Night. They do so while we, you and I and our cronies, mock them relentlessly. They put on a good face and show up, even when you try to bully and belittle them. So for once in your annoying, privileged life, just shut the fuck up.”
You could hear a feather drop, causing a noise of explosion. That’s how silent this gym is. Half the kids are gaping at me like I’ve just lost my goddamn mind, and the other half is avoiding my direction, hoping I don’t chew into them next.
When my eyes meet Blair’s dark whiskey pools, every emotion in the spectrum passes between us. She tips her head slightly, a thank you, and my heart seizes. How I’ve missed being on her side.
“You guys continue, okay? We’re all ready to listen,” I tell her, even though I should be talking to Laura.
I don’t miss the way Blair’s full mouth, one I know tastes like berry ChapStick, tips up at the side. I’ve made her smile, genuinely smile, for the first time in so many years.
The way the organ in my chest seems to come alive, after years of seeming to sit on a shelf, isn’t lost on me.
One way or another, I’m going to be the one to put that smile on her face from now on.
19
Sawyer
Jesus Christ, get it together, man.
I chastise myself for the fiftieth time in the last five minutes, as I park in front of the Oden house and stare up at it. My stomach has a million butterflies, and I feel like a freaking little girl instead of a six-foot guy who is well past puberty.
But it’s the first time Blair and I have actually agreed to get together to work on our history assignment, instead of passive aggressively emailing back and forth. That’s been our mode of operation, arguing over the interwebs to avoid completing work in person.
It’s also the first time we’re going to be alone since the kiss. After I defended her to Hailey. And since I’m fully aware that her father is at the office with my father, I’m even more nervous.
Why the hell am I nervous? Maybe because you’ve wanted to be with this girl since you were seven.
And as time marches on, the thought of being with her also evolved into being with her, intimately. We’re going to be alone in her house, with a ton of unresolved sexual frustration, and I …
I don’t know what to do. My head feels like it’s spinning on an unstoppable loop when I’m around Blair these days. I ache for her more than I want to hate her, and that alone is confusing. The incident in the gym solidified my decision the other day of trying to patch things up. Of trying to pursue her, because clearly I have no interest in anyone else. I don’t think I ever had, and I don’t think I ever will again.
Blair Oden has been it for me since the day I laid eyes on her. And I might have screwed it up too badly to fix.
But I’m going to try.
I ring the bell, and it’s a minute or two before the heavy oak door, the one with an intricate infinity design Todd had custom-made, opens. Blair is revealed, and her expression looks just as nervous as my insides feel.
“Hey.” I wave, instantly regretting the action because I have no idea what to do with my hands.
“Hi. Come in.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.
Once upon a time, we used to be friends. It seems we have no idea how to fall back into that groove now that we are transitioning out of being enemies.
“All of my stuff is set up in my bedroom, so I thought …” Blair trails off, looking awkward as her feet shift on the carpet.
“Yeah, okay,” I respond to a question that she didn’t even ask.
As I trail her up the stairs, I feel like a geeky, anxious virgin again. Idly, I wonder if Blair still is. I lost mine to a girl in our grade at a party last year, in a bedroom that wasn’t my own. We hooked up a couple of times after that, and I slept with another girl this summer. But with the way I’ve limited Blair’s dating life, I’d be surprised if she’s ever been with anyone.
Part of me burns with jealousy, and lights with hope, that no one has ever touched her in the way I want to. A pang of desperation, of yearning, grabs me in the gut so tight; I want to be her first.
It’s all I can do not to stare at the way her waist swishes in those tight black workout leggings girls always wear when hanging out. I itch to run my hands over her, to bury them in her mane of chocolate waves. My mouth longs to taste hers again, but I know we have a lot of discussing to do before that is happening again. I’m not stupid enough to think Blair would let me off the hook that easy.
“So.” She claps her hands, her face turning to business. I’m sure it’s to avoid any personal conversations between us. “I thought you could take the VP role, as I have more experience in government. Well, student government, as you and your friends like to remind me.”
She means it as a dig to my constant digs, but I’m not biting. “Sure, that sounds good.”
Blair blinks, and I see the suspicion in her eyes. She thinks I’m being too amiable, but I’m just not going to fight her anymore.
“And I thought we’d be republican. I tend to lean to the left, so I thought it would be fun to
